"When It Rains, It Pours" - a Vent from a Very Frustrated Mama!

Updated on May 11, 2012
V.W. asks from Chisago City, MN
10 answers

You know the saying, "When it rains, it pours"? Well, we are in the middle of a flippin' hurricane!

My aunt just had her SECOND bone marrow transplant. The first time she had the transplant, all went perfectly. This time she is having all of the horrible side effects. She is back in the hospital because she can't keep anything down, including her meds. They think that her body is trying to reject the transplant.

Last weekend, my grandma (Who is in her mid-80s) and my cousin's grandma (My aunt's MIL) (Who is in her early 90s) collided and fell on top of each other. My grandma insisted that she was fine even though she hit her head and had a headache. My cousin's grandma is Italian and doesn't speak any English. We called her son (Who was more than an hour away visiting my aunt in the hospital), and he told us how to ask if she had pain anywhere (She refused to speak with him - She didn't want him to know that she was hurt). She said no, but she has been known to lie about how she is feeling (Just that morning she had extremely low blood sugar but didn't tell anyone (Even though we can't speak Italian and she can't speak English, we do try to communicate with each other since she is often left with my grandparents while her son is working or visiting my aunt)). Anyways, I told my mom that we should take them both to the ER. My stubborn grandma immediately said no, grabbed her cane and started trying to hobble away. My cousin's grandma started crying (She really didn't want her son to know that she was hurt). Guess what? My cousin's grandma has a cracked vertebrae. My grandma is still refusing to go in to be seen but she is VERY sore and still has a headache.

My dad is a dairy farmer. He owns a lot of land, but a majority of that is used for pastures. He rents the majority of fields that he grows crops on. This year he lost 3 fields (2 were about 20 acres, and one was about 40 acres) and now he might lose another field that is 70 acres! This farm has been in our family for over 100 years so losing all of this is very hard for him and he's hanging on with everything he's got.

Yesterday I had surgery on my wrist. The surgery went fine. However, the pain meds that they gave me caused me to be up all night throwing up. So this morning at about 10am I called to get a different prescription, but had to leave a message for the dr's nurse to call me back. He still hadn't called back by 2 so I called and left another message. By 2:30 the pain was so bad that I called again and broke down on the phone with the nurse (I feel stupid about it now). She paged him overhead and he calmed me down. He told me that he would call in the prescription and told me to wait half an hour before going to the pharmacy. I waited an hour, but when I got there they said that he never called it in! I almost had another break down in the store. We got it all figured out and I'm on the new pain meds, but they haven't kicked in quite yet so I'm a bit cranky. Plus, I can't take care of my son like this. My fiance took off work yesterday but had to go back today. I spent last night at my grandma's house and am going to stay here through the weekend. However, we're both unable to do much with him.

While I was in the hospital yesterday waiting for my surgery my mom called and said that she was bringing my sister in to the ER because my sister was twitching every 15 seconds. The dr she saw said it was a nervous tick caused by stress, but it was still a bit scarey.

Oh, and by the way... Who the hell put fishing opener on mother's day?! Did that man have a death wish? Was he trying to get back at his own wife/mother for something? While the purpose of this post was to vent, I guess my required question is going to be... Any other moms getting "ditched" on mother's day weekend? My fiance is going fishing with his buddies Fri night, all day Sat, and Sun morning and then is coming to my family's mother's day "party". Normally, I would be fine with this because he only has two hobbies... Hunting and fishing... And I know that he loves those things and it IS fishing opener... But this year it's just really bugging me.

What can I do next?

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Featured Answers

T.M.

answers from Redding on

☂ Here's an umbrella. The rain will stop soon :)

here's the link to the symbols that are copy/paste-able:
http://fsymbols.com/all/

5 moms found this helpful

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S.G.

answers from Rapid City on

I am one who understands that when it rain it pours. Two years ago it was like that with us. First my daughter ran off and eloped with someone we really didn't like, then a month later our youngest son was killed in a car accident. Three weeks later one of my best friends died, around that time I had a uncle that died, our business went broke and we auctioned everything off and my husband took a job that is 1/3 of the pay with no insurance, my grandson started having seisures which is really scary, my daughter in law and granddaughter moved 30 miles away and I don't see her every day like I did when my son was alive.

Mother's day never was a priority to my husband so I am sure it won't be this year either but that is ok, we have been married 30 years in November and there is things much worse then that. Take your children and go out for lunch and get a free desert. Remember Father's day comes after Mother's day for this reason!

One word of advice when it is pouring. The storm does stop and while you may be left with puddles, there is good that will come your way too. I always try to remember during the storms the senerity prayer. Lord, Grant me the ability to change the things I can, to accept the things I can't and the wisdom to know the difference. I also try to remember that saying "don't sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff" I also know I survived the worst day of my life and if I can survive that, I can survive anything!

Hope your rainbow comes soon

1 mom found this helpful
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C.B.

answers from Houston on

Wow.... I'm speechless. I can't imagine all this happening to a person all at once. Just wanted to let you know that I'm sending prayers and good wishes your way!!!

1 mom found this helpful
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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Wow. It is pouring over there isn't it?

Look at it this way--nowhere to go but up? :)

As for your aunt's marrow transplant...I've learned that some degree of GVHD is actually a GOOD sign. Could it be?

Hang tough!

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H.M.

answers from Denver on

Keep your chin up sister - it can only get better from here, right?

Hugs...

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T.B.

answers from Dallas on

Lots and lots of praying. I hope that things get better for you and your family.

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E.B.

answers from Duluth on

I'm not getting "ditched", per se, on fishing opener...but it IS the only weekend we could get help moving, so we will be moving on Mother's Day. It's our last Sunday for Sunday School (which I was in charge of this year) and for the remainder of the afternoon/evening, we'll be moving. My husband asked me yesterday whether I wanted to celebrate Mother's Day and I let him off the hook; we have too much to do! And I know there are plenty of fishing widows up in our neck of the woods!

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J.L.

answers from St. Cloud on

Aww, dear, you've certainly got a plate full! I find that bad luck comes in strings of three's. So you've got the bone marrow transplant, old ladies beating each other up ;) , your dad's farm not doing well, your wrist surgery and getting screwed on Mother's Day. By my calculations, you may have one more bad thing happen and that's it! :D

I'm in MN also so I never understand why fishing opener has to be Mother's Day weekend. With the early spring they should have moved it up a week. It really doesn't work out for me because it's our wedding anniversary on May 12th also. My husband loves to fish but fishing opener is such a crock, especially when he's married to me the other 364 days. Pretty sure the fish are there all year round! It's just a way to give the governor some media attention. There will be tons of people on the lakes, just wait a few days.

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D..

answers from Charlotte on

I love Grandma T's umbrella. How'd you do that!

I'm sorry this is happening to you all. I AM glad that you finally got surgery on your wrist. Please don't leave out having PT - that is SO important in getting the use of your wrist back. You'll build up scar tissue in there if you don't work with the therapist, and she will get the range of motion back by dealing with the scar tissue in a timely manner.

Can you call elder services and get them to come out and talk to these little ladies? It is important that you somehow establish that you tried to get them to go to the hospital, but they wouldn't. You would hate for your family to be blamed for that by social services. Maybe I'm wrong about this, but you might just check.

Make the Sunday afternoon and evening count. Don't let him turn on the TV when you two get home. Tell him you expect something special from him since he's choosing fish over you in the morning.

Keep taking that pain medication until you are able to space it out (maybe another week). Being in so much pain makes it harder for you to heal.

Sending you strength~
Dawn

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C.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

I'm very sorry you are having to deal with all of that. It is a lot to handle all at once. I can especially relate to the two elderly ladies since I have a grandma turning 90 on Tuesday who has a compression fracture in her spine. Best wishes on all of the medical situations.

I do think you just need to let go of the fishing opener issue. There is no one man or person to blame and just make the best of it. It is set by the DNR well in advance and to change it requires an act of the legislature. It is (I believe) usually the second Friday/Saturday of May at midnight and it FREQUENTLY conflicts with Mother's Day. My husband doesn't fish, but my dad, my brother and my grandpa before them have been fishing on Mother's Day weekend all of my lifetime. They usually try to get back at a decent hour on Sunday so we can grill out or something if we choose. When my grandpa was alive my grandma just went with him. My dad is kind of a loud person so my mom just enjoys the peace and quiet on Mother's Day weekend! Actually, sometimes (often) actually she goes along too, but can't this year because of my grandma's health. The DNR and the legislature did consider moving up the date by a week this year because of the early spring, but then we got a cold spell and it changed things. There was also on outpouring of opposition from fisher people and even the resorts because people plan for this weekend months in advance and couldn't change reservations, vacation dates or get things ready if the date was changed. The DNR also has to consider what is best for ecology and the fishery. Perhaps that's more than you wanted to know, but in our family we just go with it and make the best of it. Even my grandma's 90th birthday party last weekend was planned around the fishing opener!

I actually like a simple Mother's Day--some time to myself to work out, some flowers, carry out so I don't have to cook and extra help with the dishes and housework. Tell your fiance what you want from him Sunday afternoon and hopefully he'll make what time you have special. Happy Mother's Day.

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