When Is the Right Time to Move Schools?

I had to do it several times growing up, but I'd prevent making my kids do it at all costs. If her son is happy here, I'd let him finish. If he wants to move now, I'd move now. But my kids wouldn't want to go.

Three weeks ago, we moved... again. My kids (7th and 8th grade) have not completed an entire school year for three grades. As always, it depends on the kid, but we thought it was more important (and cheaper) to stay together. Before we moved, my husband was away for a month and a half- too long for me.

Our kids adjusted well to moving schools when we did it at the start of the new school year. Kids change classes yearly (there's usually 3 or 4 of the same grade) and so there were kids in their classes without their friends from previous year, so they were able to fit in and make new friends quite well.

My kids are quiet and somewhat introverted but social. If her son is outgoing - then maybe not as big a deal.

What does the son want?

My personal thought is if he's an easy going kid, might be a good time to move him, so that by summer he'll know kids and have pals to hang out with. Good place to meet kids - through school. If he moves at the end of the school year - the summer might be long unless he's in lots of activities or has ways to meet new buds.

By the time my son graduated from high school, he had attended ten, yes TEN, different school systems (due to my husband's military career). He went to very large public schools, very tiny public schools, a private religious school, a private non-religious school, an international school on a remote island, and homeschool for one grade.

What I observed about switching schools:

1. Consider if any significant school events are planned (the big concert, the big football game that everyone looks forward to every year, the play, etc) and whether your child is involved in those or has been looking forward to it and planning for it. Take that into your evaluation of a time for changing schools. For example, if your child is really involved in the drama club, or in the band, and there's always an end of the year play or band competition, you might consider staying at that school to finish out the year. If he or she is on a team and really motivated, you might let him or her finish the year with teammates. But if the only thing on the calendar is something that happens in nearly every school (holiday parties, local field trips, for example), that should not drive the decision.

2. Look for natural breaks in the school calendar, and move so that the child starts school after these breaks. Christmas vacation, spring break, end of the semester, etc are good times to move, because after these breaks, lots of students are new, or at least out of the school routine and there's adjusting going on among many students. It's harder to start in the middle of a semester, or in the middle of a month with no vacation or major holidays, for example.

3. The way its approached makes a difference. You probably don't want to set the precedent of allowing your child to be able to cast the deciding vote on such significant things as moving, geographically separating parents, paying rents or mortgages in two different locations, etc, without a very good reason. It's not enough to say "oh, little Ebenezer doesn't want to move away from his friends! It's so unfair!". Now, if you can truthfully say "Ebenezer, you've moved up to first clarinet (or you auditioned for, and got, the lead role in the spring play) so your dad and I have decided that you will remain in your school so that you can enjoy the rest of the year and participate in the spring band trip (or the spring musical), but we'll be moving after that", that's a way to appreciate your child's dedication to his serious interest.

4. Be smart about your own attitude. Be careful to demonstrate a normal sense of what is expected when facing a move, like a little apprehension, some excitement, an appreciation of what you'll fondly remember about the old place, but not complete despair or fear. Give your child something to look forward to (he will have his own room, or he can choose the paint color for his walls, or he can finally have a dog since you'll have a fenced yard, or the new town has a cool whatever, or the new house has a cool whatever), and respect his hesitation over moving away from friends without implying that it's the end of the world.

5. Finally, carefully think about why you want your child to remain or move. Some parents are just sick of the pick up and drop off lines, or they love the PTA, or they didn't move anywhere when they were growing up so they can't imagine forcing their child to start over in a new school. Those aren't good reasons to stay. If your reason for staying is because your child is getting excellent help for his reading delay, then sticking it out to the end of the year might be beneficial.

I would stick it out until the end of this semester (that's just a couple more weeks) and start the next semester in the new school. I think living with both parents is more important than hanging with your friends.

I would think after the Christmas break would be a good time. To me our family unit is the most important thing and I would want to be together as a family. If however my child was a senior or was in 8th grade after going to a catholic school for 8-9 years I could see having my child finish out the year. Otherwise, I would make the move over the break.

It's 7th grade - middle school - so while moving mid year isn't great, it's not the end of the world if he transfers now.
It's 7 months till June - a long time to be away from Dad.
He could be making new friends and getting use to his new home/school and be all the more settled for 8th grade.
Instead of moping about what he's missing at his old home - he should be looking forward to new adventures in his new home.
I just heard from a student who's moving to Sicily in 2 weeks and he can't wait to spend time with his great grandmother and learn more Italian.
He's not upset about leaving mid school year at all!

well, if she feels that strongly about it, she can do it, and everyone will survive.
i myself would have the kid switch schools. i think families are more important than where someone goes to school.
khairete
S.

I know of people who wait until the new year (after Christmas break) to change schools.

One pro:
The child gets to be the special new child in January instead of the new kid with all the other new kids starting in August.

Does your friend need more time moving and is the reason for staying more than just school?

Military families do it all the time.
Why pay for and maintain two households when there is no need to? Even if it would be for only a few months. What a waste of money.
It isn't particularly any easier to move during the summer either since it's still moving away from friends and all things familiar. It may not be easy on the kid at first but kids adapt. With supportive parents the transition can easily be made. With today's technology he can keep in touch with his old friends through social media and things like free Skye calls or even old fashioned letter writing pen palls all while making new friends at his new school in his new neighborhood.
If the worry is about the actual transfer of schools and changes in education. There is no way around that whether you do that mid-year or during the summer. Different school districts have different standards and you may find yourself trying to put a square peg in a round hole to make it work no matter how much you try to avoid it. It's not a reason to not move the family together, all at the same time.

Kids are resilient.
Marriages are more difficult. If the marriage can sustain the distance apart & she feels that strongly. Otherwise I'd be telling the kid being the new kid has a certain mystique, it'd be cool...let's get to daddy!

Semester break is coming up...that would be an okay time to make a change.

Her son will survive a move mid-year. He will also survive a few months without dad.

What does her son think? Is he okay with rarely seeing his father for the next 6 months so he can stay at his current school?

I applaud the Mom for wanting to help her child make the transition. If the family has discussed this and wants to have the kid finish out the year, I think that is great.

I would absolutely stay until the end of the year. Poor kid. It's going to be hard moving schools, especially since he is 1st chair and involved in sports.
How unfortunate for him.
While it may be a great job opportunity for your friend's husband I may have thought a bit more about my son before accepting the job, moving, and making him move schools.
But that's just me. What's done is done. So, my advice....let him finish out the school year.

What is the school calendar like at the new school? I think that might govern more than where he is leaving. I would not be keen to operate 2 households for 6 months. That's a lot of additional expense, and I don't think it is generally healthy for families or marriages. (Yes, I understand military families have spouses away for long stretches, but that doesn't mean it is good for the family. It's a hardship, and every one of them will tell you that.)

I don't think there is every really a "good" time for a move like this once the kids are out of elementary school. But at least it's better than during high school.

I have a child in band and I can fully understand the concern about not playing in the spring concert with his friends and with the chair he has earned. However, it's only 7th grade. In our area, that means he's not yet half way through his 2nd year of learning his instrument. Hardly the kind of thing to prevent a move, in my opinion. The real chair placement competition starts when the kids hit high school (9th grade) and join marching band. That is SERIOUS competition for placement and leadership roles. At our school (high school), the kids audition for their seats in the SPRING at the end of the school year, for next fall's placement. Then, they can challenge other students for their chair if they think they are a better player. My daughter was challenged twice, by the same person, in the same week, and was getting challenged a third time, until someone else challenged the challenger and she was required to defend her own seat. It's serious stuff. If he's still at the old school, he will miss out on these end of the year assessments that will affect his 8th grade chair placement. Having been a band student myself, and having transferred in my sophomore year of school, I can tell you that directors do not like placing new students above their tried an true talent, fresh out of the gate. I was placed at the END of the 2nd row (moved in February) until the end of the year, when, surprise, playing tests and auditions for the next year were done. (I had been 5th chair at my previous school, out of 35 chairs.) After the playing tests in April/May, I was moved to first chair. I played for the director upon arrival, so it wasn't that he didn't know I could play. But I hadn't "earned it" yet. They only do playing tests a few times a year. The big ones here are in the fall (not in the school, but for All-State and District level opportunities), and near the end of the spring semester (for the following year, for placement into which concert class... our school has 3 tiers of stage bands). If he isn't there in the spring, he may be slighted next fall in his placement.

If their son is serious about music and intends to stick with band, then I'd want to get him involved in the program at the NEW school. Spring concerts are fine and all. It's a chance to show case what the kids have learned, how they have grown in their musical ability, and gives them something to look forward to and motivate them to practice... but they are hardly the major talent that has anyone besides parents present to watch. And they haven't even started practicing the music for it yet. Likely they are just wrapping up their Christmas Concert (my daughter's was tonight). Allstate Band auditions are day after tomorrow. And they'll start spring music when they return after Christmas break.

If he isn't likely to stick with band, and is thinking of going into sports... then I wouldn't allow it to hold that kind of sway at this juncture regardless. But the sports might come into play as well. What sport is it? If it's a fall sport, the same thing might apply... coaches do a lot of assessing in the off-season as well, if they have any sort of practices. Wrestling, for example... the season is October -February. But they practice ALL YEAR LONG. Football, here... they are having practices and conditioning in the spring months, too.

It's a tough call, b/c it is never going to be easy, no matter when they do it. But if they go as a family, it can be one less thing adding stress by keeping them together. Kiddo won't not be upset or not be stressed by waiting. It'll just prolong the pain, in my opinion. I'd think after Christmas break would be logical. Or perhaps the end of January after President's Day. It'll be easier academically, most likely, if they can align it with a 9 weeks class change (semester, or mid-term), depending on the way the classes are broken down in his new location.

Depends on the kid. Some socialize and transition really well, so starting in January/Feb. works fine. Dragging things out for 6-8 months and missing their Dad might be stressful.

Some really need time to say goodbye to their friends, do a lot of things "for the last time" and gear up for a whole new set of friends and classes. They do better on Day 1 in August/September when other new kids are starting, and other kids are at least mixed up in terms of new social circles being formed.

I'd also look at how similar or different the schools and curricula are. He might need time to prep for this.

If they moved now, he would have a chance to establish new friendships before summer vacation and by his eighth grade year, he will feel very comfortable. This is assuming he is going to a pre-k through eighth school. Being the new kid for your final year at school would be tough. He would also have a chance to find his place in their band and spring/ summer sports. If meeting friends comes easily to him and money isn't an issue, I guess I might wait out the year.

If mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Isn't that the saying?

Your friend - who I will guess is as level-headed as you are (let's judge her by the company she keeps) - "feels very strongly about keeping their son in the same school until the end of the school year". So, there you have it!

I will presume that the "marriage is strong enough", etc etc, because she would probably not freely feel so "strongly" otherwise!

If the boy is in sports, band, anything that has performances or games in the spring then I would also say stay in place.

She needs to be preparing their home to sell or getting things ready to move of course. If she's on a lease then she can't really break that unless the landlord is willing.

I would think she'd have a better chance of selling her home if she got it ready now and put it on the market. Then moved when it is right for them.

I would want the house sold then see what my feelings were. The boy could always stay with friends for a couple of months if the house sold and mom went to be with dad and get the movers taken care of and the new home moved into. The boy needs to make friends every time he goes to visit dad.

I am also assuming since they fly to see him that they aren't staying nearby. That's hard because it's likely he won't ever see his friends again. That happens. Still sad.

I would get the house sold as soon as possible then see what the choices are because it might not sell until May or September and it might sell in January.

I'd have him stay to end of the year. Starting at the new school at the beginning of the new school year. If he is involved in sports and such, this will also be a lot easier for him to transition.

They can always tour the new school early and send in transcripts, etc- just to make it easier.

Although my son was much younger when we moved to NH from RI, it was easier on him to transition to a new school at the beginning of the new school year then the middle of the last one. He also got to meet teachers, tour the school and sent transcripts so he was all set. I had to stay in RI full time on weekdays, but then we would all be together for the weekends in NH. It made the move easier on my son, and my husband and I actually had time to miss each other.

Personally? I would keep my kids in school until the end of the year! We were fortunate in all of Tyler's new assignments, we were able to move in the summer.

I'd keep my kid in school until the end of the year.

I wish your friend much luck and success in their new endeavors.

It always seems like the holiday break means the year is half over but for most districts it's not. It's only about 1/3. I agree that being a new kid in January can stand out more than in August. Especially in middle school. And then hopefully he will make friends so the summer doesn't stink. How much more would it stink to get through the school year to nirvana of summer vacation but then have to move from all your friends?