Hi Moms,
There is a brother and sister that go to the babysitter that my son goes to. The boy will be 4 in August and can not walk without braces and a walker. He can make some basic sound (buh) but can not speak either. He was at a party and appeared to have no understanding of the games being played by the children his age. His sister is 20 months old, does not walk or talk. Her expression is mostly the same and she is very flacid. The mom said that they are just delayed. Is that possible? I am not trying to guess a diagnosis I just am wondering if being so delayed (esp the boy because the girl is still so young) can really be "just" a delay or that there is something going on and it's really just their and the doctor's business.
You moms are very wise.
I agree with Riley J. The mom is politely telling you that this is not open for discussion. Clearly her kids have major issues and she doesn't want to discuss them with everyone.
Obviously there are MANY things going on with the little boy. All of which easily fall under the umbrella of 'delay'. A hundred, maybe even 300 diagnoses fall under that umbrella. Known (let me whip out my PDR & DSMIV and rattle off latin like a roman), or unknown.
A delay (or delays) are ALWAYS caused by something else. Delay is the result of something else. We don't usually go into the whys and whats (speech delays can be caused by fine motor, gross motor, cognitive, audio cortec, visual cortex, etc.), we just shorten it.
If she's saying they're 'just delayed' she's telling you nicely to back off.
This is another person's children.
The Mom, just probably wants to keep things private.
Sure, she probably knows her kids are not in normal ranges of development.
But its sort of, touchy... to go around explaining to everyone every single detail about what is "wrong" with her kids.
So she probably just says "they are just delayed...." as a perfunctory response to everyone who gives her or her kids, questioning looks. I am sure she gets those looks from others, all.the.time.
She probably gets uncomfortable... when she and her kids are around other "normal" kids... because her kids and their development is naturally VERY obviously.... delayed.
But what is she supposed to do? Tell everyone every single detail of her children's medical and developmental diagnosis and the analysis of it?
And yes, it is their and their Doctor's business.
Clearly it's not "just" a delay. When the mother tells you "They're just delayed" she's trying to politely and gently tell you she doesn't want to discuss it and it's not your business. She's protecting the medical privacy of her children. She probably isn't in the habit of discussing the issues her children and family have with people she doesn't know even if they happen to share a babysitter. All YOU need to know is that your babysitter is capable and can handle all of the children in her care.
From what you have mentioned, it looks like kids are having some issues. At 4 I don't think it's 'just delayed'. I am sure the mom knows that. But maybe she just didn't want to get into all the discussion about what's going on with her kids. Do you know the mom well enough? I mean are you friends with her or do you just meet her once in a while at daycare while dropping/picking up kids? If you are not friends, I totally understand why she told you that. It must be hard on her and it will be even harder to explain everything to every curious stranger. Seriously think about it, what if she told you her son had a certain issue with his health. You would then say sorry she is going through this with her son etc and the conversation continues with her having to give out a lot more details because you are sympathetic and wanting to know what the doctor thinks, how she manages , if she needs help etc etc etc. And consider this same conversation multiple times with every curious sympathetic stranger. I can understand why she doesn't want to talk about it and just passes it off as 'just delayed'.
I'm thinking that when a mom has a 4 year old that cannot speak or understand basic concepts, and a girl who is severely delayed, she pretty much knows the score. And probably doesn't want to discuss her children's delays with strangers.
What a great opportunity to teach YOUR kids about differences, compassion and acceptance!
Yup, it's like you said in your last sentence. It's just theirs and the doctor's business. As long as these issues are not affecting your child in a negative way, then don't worry about it!
It's probably that they just don't want to talk about it... but I have also known parents who it was obvious to EVERYONE else but them that their child was not at the same level as their peers.
This second scenario always breaks my heart b/c it's hard not to think "how much better would they be doing if they had earlier intervention". This happened w/in my family and the mother is an educator!!
So, I believe some people just block things out b/c as another mother once told me (also an educator) "I just didn't want the diagnoses". YIKES. Your situation sounds different though w/ the physical issues, etc.
Sounds like it's much more than the normal "delay" and the mom is not yet comfortable with revealing the private details.
You should tell her about mamapedia, so we can diagnose her.
yeah, I've had a martinit or two, that was in bad taste, but seriously, maybe THAT mom would like this site.
While she probably doesn't want to go into any detail, maybe the word delay is just the only word she has to describe what is going on. Not sure if that makes sense, but what I'm meaning is if the doctors have said that it's some sort of temporary ailment or one they could possibly grow out of, then delay might be the only word that comes to her mind. Or if it's something recently diagnosed, maybe she could be in a little bit of denial. Either way, she probably just doesn't want a lot of questions, I'm sure any of us could put ourselves in her shoes. All we can do is pray for their family.
Sounds like there's something more going on but that they are careful in sharing information beyond doctors and professionals that need to know.
I agree with everyone else , she probably doesn't fully know what's going on with her kids & doesn't want to go into detail. I don't think it's really if a delay is '' just a delay" but how is this delay going to effect the child later. My son had a pretty significant speech delay with no other diagnosis. His speech caught ____@____.com has had trouble reading and been behind his peers, up until just recently. I'm sure the speech & reading correlate somehow. I'm prepared for him to have other academic challenges as the school work becomes more challenging. He will probably always need extra help. Is he intelligent? Yes. Some things just may not be as easy. So, I will always consider him " delayed" or effected by his delay.
