Hi all,
I've been reading a lot of stuff lately about plastic bottles, and how they can cause women to become infertile. My niece is desperate to have a second baby, and she and her husband keep trying with no luck. I'm concerned that she drinks everything out of plastic, if she could get Starbucks double lattes with whatever in a bottle, she would. My sister was always on the run and drank like this until she was 35. I try to talk to my niece but she won't listen. Do I need to mind my own business? My sister always tells me not to tell anyone what to do. But this stuff worries me. Maybe I need to join an environmental group and tell strangers about these things. They'd probably listen to me.
Hi Rose and Liz, Thanks for your suggestions. I always know what's right for other people but not for myself. I'd probably give you the advice you gave me. But it's very hard for me to keep my mouth shut, especially when the future of the Earth and all its inhabitants hang on my getting the world to understand my point of view. I'm not 100% self-centered, just 80%. My thinking is that we've had other points of view for almost 20 years, and look where it's gotten us. It's hard for me to detach to see that it's the way you tell something important that makes people either listen to you or send their minds on vacation to the Caribbean or the Galapagos. Anyway, far, far away. You can see it in their eyes. Gonzo. Yes, that's right, B.. "You're right." That's not good enough for me either.
Oh, well. Two of my mother's most treasured admonishments: "I've told you a million times not to exaggerate." Or "&*&^, I told you not to swear." The !*& would translate into something so mild today, but it was the way she said it. So, it's no wonder I want to control the world.
I would buy her a book about the dangers of plastics, give her a safe reuasable bottle like a Sigg as a gift, and let it go. I am very crunchy granola and have discovered that people really have to come to these things on their own terms. Giving things as gifts is less intrusive and you've planted the seed. =)
Hi B.,
I can relate to how you are feeling. My husband and I are huge proponents of natural healthcare (he is a chiropractor) and I see patients and family members do things ALL THE TIME that I know are not good for their bodies...especially if they are either trying to get pregnant or having reactions to things, etc. You can say things subtly, but the more you harp on an issue, the more they will feel uncomfortable talking and sharing with you. It's been an issue for me for years. I've learned to bite my tongue unless asked specifically for advice.
It is frustrating, but keeping your family and friends close is worth it...
E.:-)
Hi B.,
I had a good chuckle at your letter, because it sounded like me! Yes, of course, you should not mention it again, as your neice has to make her own decisions. And I absolutely love your idea of informing strangers as a good effort, and indeed, you have done that by posting this letter. I bet your posting has informed many women, who will consider what you have written.
Take care, Rose
As someone who had infertility, I can tell you that that sort of "advice" is very not helpful! Unless you've had infertility and can share what worked for you, you should keep this sort of "advice" to yourself and definitely not try to tell her how she is causing her own issues. "I'm so sorry, that must be so sad and frustrating for you," will be much better received.
I have an aunt like you too, I love her but I don't talk to her about much as her attitude is just too much. I totally agree with you about plastic. We avoid it as much as possible but with this and all my other "alternative" viewpoints, I present them to people when they seem open to hearing it and in a "oh did you know x..." way so if they are not open to hearing about it, it's the end of the story. A lot of people eventually ask me about this stuff and then I get the opportunity to educate after they have heard about it casually from me. If you come on too strong, they will just ignore you. People generally don't want to be told they are doing something stupid or uninformed or whatever and it can be hard to hear the love behind what may be heard by her as criticism.
Dear B.,
I tried to send this once & deleted it I think! Anyway, my mom is full of advice & I find I am guilty of eye rolling at some of it. (Which is totally unacceptable as I am nearly 40!) Today, she read me a poem she wrote and I thought of this post you wrote a few days ago. I hope it brings a smile to your face and reminds you to view your passionate views as great boost to your personality & not a negative trait! I think your niece is lucky to have you!
Enjoy my mom's poem:
Old Age Sage
by: Roseann Moran
What is this thing that comes with old age
I’ve suddenly become a great sage
I must tell everyone I see
How I think things ought to be
I butt in where I don’t belong
I tell folks when I think they’re wrong
Even when the talk is good
I butt right in as if I should
I didn’t do that when I was young
When did my tongue become undone
I did however learn to smile
And laugh at myself once in a while
And often when I look at me I think how funny I must be
Now that I have become a sage
In my fun and carefree old age.
B.,
I don't know about the 'mind your own business' stuff but you could tell your niece that you read about this issue. I have Hoshimoto's disease. It's a thyroid condition that makes my risk of miscarry 4x greater than if I didn't have this condition. The reason I mention this is because the thyroid can cause a lot of problems. You can suggest to your niece that she go to her primary doctor and have a full physical and get her thyroid checked. She might not have any issues but it is certainly a place to look just in case this might be causing the problems.
Good luck,
L. M
Hey B.-
What about getting her a special gift - like a Kleen Kanteen metal water bottle - one with the pretty designs? I agree that you shouldn't SAY anything else to her about the topic.... but I think that providing her with an alternate solution is different from just spouting off. It is a nice gift (I have given one to my husband, and my 3 kids are getting them this year in their stockings) and this way she can chose to use it or not... Take this advice for what it's worth from a fellow chick who also has trouble keeping her opinions to herself (LOL).
I think infertility is extremely complicated with so many factors influencing it - environmental, diet, physicial, emotional, and many others. There are a lot of risks with plastic that we use too much of anyway. Certainly environmental groups are trying to educate people not to use bottled water, for many reasons. When the water that comes out of the tap is generally very safe, it hardly makes sense to use plactic bottles made of petroleum products which are then filled with municipal water from another city, or possibly spring water (which has bacteria and may or may not be regulated in any way), then put that bottle on a truck which burns oil to drive across half the country, with the bottle maybe getting very hot in the sun only to sit in a warehouse so it can be shipped to a supermarket, where you burn oil to go purchase it and bring it home. Then you use more gas to take it to the recycling center or have the recycling truck pick it up -- well, that doesn't make sense on a lot of levels.
However, it's very difficult to blame infertility on the bottle - you don't know if the infertility has to do with her body, the husband's body, or some combination. There are probably a million things she can do to improve her health and her chances of getting pregnant, but we don't really know what she's already doing and what any tests have shown. It's probably wise to stop using the bottles but not specifically because of infertility. As someone who battled infertility, I have to say that it was SO HARD to hear comments from people about what was causing it. The worst was, "Just RELAX! My friend XYZ stopped worrying & trying, and bingo, she got pregnant immediately." Like I was causing my own problem! It's never just one little thing that can be done - and it has to be her choice whether she undergoes evaluations and tests and starts eliminating certain things from her lifestyle. She probably already feels terrible about not getting pregnant - I know I did, and it's very lonely and isolating and frustrating - but there's no direct, immediate and definite link between the water bottle and the infertility. It's really hard to get blamed for causing your own problem, when your actions may not be responsible for it at all.
They are certainly changing the types of plastics in bottles because of cancer worries, and of course the environmental issue is huge. I think all you can do is make every effort to NOT do things in your own life that affect your health or the health of others, and share stories that help to educate everyone. Getting involved in an environmental group is a great thing, not just because of the people who will listen to you, but because of the tremendous work you will be doing and the great people you will meet who know even more things than you do - what a great way to educate each other!
You obviously care a great deal - I think the best way to use that care and concern is to direct it into a reputable organization that can have an impact on people, their practices, and public policy.
You already said that you tried to talk to your neice and she wouldn't listen, so that should be the end of it. It probably sounds more like a lecture so, at least you know you did your part, but please don't mention it again or any other "advice." This must be a difficult time for your neice so just be supportive and not critical or the aunt that likes to give unsolicited advice.
