When Do You Tell People You're Getting Divorced?

It's really up to you when you tell people socially.

As for the childrens' teachers I always tell them whenever there's a big change in the household dynamics or family situation. For instance the girls' teachers all had to be notified when my FIL passed away in October and how it was affecting them, and it helped explain some behavior/emotional changes in school. My husband lost his job at the end of March and I had to let the teachers know about that too because it's been such a big change and transition, especially for my daughter with Autism, that they appreciated that heads up too.

If I were separating or divorcing or having an especially difficult time in my marriage, I would feel obligated to bring it up to the girls' teachers and/or guidance counselor/school psychologist. If you do this, then you can also request that the kids get some time to talk things out with with the counselor too.

In regard to teachers, a simple "Just so you know, Charlie's father and I are separating/divorcing" or something very succinct is great. Do not go into details --(not that you would)--I've been very embarrassed by some of the confidences parents have thrust upon me about why their marriage ended. It's very uncomfortable. Otherwise I'd keep it on a need-to-know basis otherwise, or do as others have suggested, mention it if people ask after your soon-to-be-ex.

Some people throw parties...

Some people only tell those who need to know and never announce such news, as it's none of their personal business.

Depends upon your comfort.

This is a great question, as I doubt there's a standard protocol. I personally would only mention it if someone asks, or the topic comes up.

I am sorry you are going through a divorce though. And that should be the appropriate response by those who you tell. Otherwise, you've told the wrong person.

Only when the subject happens to come up. Most people will never have to know. Those that you feel need to know, tell them.

i let my son's teachers know when hubby and i were having tough times, and we did not divorce. i think they should know if there is upheaval in the home (fighting, etc) because it could be helpful if my son starts acting differently. i think that teachers and others responsible for him have a right to know if something like that is going on. also, i would want to know if his stress was manifesting itself at school or wherever.

i don't really think you can keep it to yourself - if it's about your children you should do what's best for them. as i assume you think divorcing is. as far as play dates or friends, it's your business...but when it comes to your children's care, i think you owe it to the caregivers to give a heads up. this isn't just some personal little news you get to keep to yourself. it's going to wreck their world and they will need all the support they can get.

when your sure theres no getting back together.. i know someone who told everyone they were getting divorced.. her n her husband seperated(lived seperatley for a few weeks) then got back together so she had to tell everyone that.. then they seperated n got back together... n then fiinnalllly got divorced. ican only imagine how embarrassing/uncomfortable it must have been for her to constantly be updating people on their status like that

My only comment is I hate it if I find out that a friend (or acquaintance) is getting divorced on Facebook. I have a former co-worker/friend who I see once or twice a year socially... I found out she was divorced when she changed her status. :(

I wished that she had let me know, mostly so that I could have been more available to her if she needed me... we got together recently, and I told her how bad I felt about the whole thing... as a friend I felt I'd let her down.

I agree that it's a good idea to just wait until it comes up. As long as the people involved are informed, as well as your close friends who can support you through it, that's really the main thing. You definitely don't have to feel obligated to tell ANYONE why "Oh, he cheated and I wont put up with that" or whatever the reason- it is NONE of anyone else's business. Just put it simply "Oh, we are no longer married," or "We are in the process of getting divorced, and I'm definitely looking toward a clean start in the near future." Even if people ask "Why?! What happend?" Feel completely free to shrug a shoulder, look them in the eye and say "I don't feel comfortable discussing that, but thank you for your concern." And steer the conversation away from that. Don't feel guilty or try to rationalize it to anyone- you're going through enough as it is. You don't need to carry everyone else's emotions on your shoulders, too. Good luck, hon. Divorce is never pretty :/

I agree that I would wait for it to come up naturally.

It's up to you when you make the announcement.
My sister told us soon as her husband filed and it could be awhile before it's final.
I've had cousins go through divorce and tell the family after it's all over, sometimes months later.
My sister's got a lot of drama going on - you could not write a soap opera with more twists and turns - and the day by day, blow by blow reports are beginning to affect our mothers health.
I wish sis would knock it off.
Our cousin just handled her business on her own and reported the outcome after the fact.
I'm liking her method a lot these days.

When it comes up, anything else would be strange.

Of course I told their teachers and anyone I came in contact with but only when I came in contact with them.