When Do You Let Your Kids Go into a Public Bathroom on Their Own

My friend and I were talking about this a few days ago. We both have girls so it isn't an issue for us, but her husband asked her when it would be okay for him to let their daughter go by herself. The answer she gave him was: when she's old enough to squat! Haha!

Good question and no easy answer! we can listen outside the door but what if someone covers their mouth? I think it sounds paranoid but ... this is my child's life we're talking about.

It depends on the restroom.

I *generally* let my 7 yr. old go by himself but still stand guard. My 5 yr old still comes in with me...but to be honest for the most part, I still send in one of my teenagers with both the lil' boys.

Public restrooms make me uneasy, always have. You can call me paranoid all you want but you never know who's in there and if you think about it, it would be too easy for some pervert to make my child uncomfortable just by groping himself...there is a real danger there, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not...

IMO, it is better to be safe than sorry.

Murdered? Molested? In the public restroom? Really??

Come on people, lighten up. Use your head. We really don't live in as scary of a world as you think. Do some research. The story referred to below happened one time, by one sick depraved person. There has been no outbreak of murderous molesting bathroom lunatics. How many millions of people use a public restroom everyday? Of the BILLIONS of times people go into the restroom how many times are any of them bothered in anyway? Got any data on that? Nope, because it doesn't exist. Your child has a higher probablility of being struck by lightening TWICE than having something happen to him using the restroom.

My daughter is five. I am her mom and I could go into the restroom with her each and every time, but I don't. If I don't have to go, I don't go in there with her at all. If it's taking a long time I might go in and check to make sure she is not goofing off or having any sort of bathroom issues. Not concerned that some monster is waiting for me to let my child go pee without me.

I dont let my 6 yr old go solo into the men's bathroom. He complains but I don't care. My 9 yr old usually is accompanied by his older brother. I can be paranoid-I've sent my husband after them if I felt that it was taking too long. Heck, I've even opened the men's room door myself and called into it. I will never forget the story about the 9 yr old who had his throat slashed in the men's room while his mother waited outside the men's room. The murderer said that he killed him for the he'll of it-to see what it feels like.

One mom who commented about letting her 5 yr old go solo-it's different when you have a little boy-most sex offenders are men! Besides, I still would accompany my daughter if she was 5. You seem very naive about life in general.

I have a 5 yr old boy and 4 yr old girl. I let them go in the bathrooms alone and stand in the middle waiting for both of them. I can pop my head in to check on her. If he is in there more than 2 minutes, I might crack the door and say his name. He answers - "almost done" and we're good. Once he was in a little long for my taste, so, I stopped a man on his way out and asked if he had seen my boy. He told me yeah, he's washing his hands. So, I'm not above stopping total strangers to enlist thier help!

I think it's important to train independence now. I walk him through all sorts of scenarios to get him prepared for the next step. He's got to be ready once school starts to handle situations that I won't be around for. We can't be everywhere with our kids forever, so I really think we have to let them take babysteps now under our watch.

Around age 6 hard as it is. I would make them sing the alphabet or something else so I would know they were okay. I'd rather err on the side of caution.

Depending upon the place I took my boys into the women's restroom until about 10. Five is way too young. I have heard too many stories about issues in bathrooms at places like Mcdonalds, cracker barrel, etc. I never had anyone challenge me or be bothered by them using the women's bathroom. Granted if you have a rather mature 10 year old it might be different. When my oldest son was a preteen I would let them go together.
An 8 year old boy was molested in Cracker Barrel a few years ago here. You have to wait until they are physically mature enough to wrestle away from someone and be mature enough to know what to do.

I am definitely interested to see what the other Mama's out there say to this one. My son is 11 years old & 5'2, so I certainly certainly can't have him come into the women's room with me anymore, though I would like to. Seriously, there are so many crazy people out there you just never know. As it is I stay just outside the door & have certainly been known to stick my head in & call him if he's been in there for what seems like too long. I want to say I started letting him go by himself when he was around 8, but it might have been 7ish.

My son is 6 now. Since he started first grade he has been asking to go by himself since the womens restroom door has a girl on it. :) As long as I wait in front of the door I am ok with him going by himself. If he would have asked when he was 5 i probably would have let him too but he didn't ask and i didn't offer. As long as you wait for him outside I think he should be fine. If he takes to long just call for him. Its just an imaginary door that keeps you out of the boys bathroom. If your boy needs you, you would march right in there to get him.

If the bathroom is empty, then I would still take my son in with me. If there were other women and/or girls in the bathroom then I would let him go into the men's room and I wait outside the door. This started when he was five or six. My son was actually the one that wanted to go in the men's room at that age.

I did stand guard outside the door, and occasionally, a guy (most likely a dad) would come out and ask if that was my son in there and let me know that he was doing fine and would be out in a minute.

Thankfully, I've never been in a position where I would have to go in after him, but I wouldn't hesitate to go in after him if I felt something was wrong. It doesn't hurt to have a conversation with him about what is okay and what isn't when he's by himself in the bathroom.

Sounds like you have an independent little man on your hands! That's awesome! Hope this helps. Good luck.

I made my youngest go with me into the woman's bathroom until he was 7 or 8. It also depends where in public we are. Some stores like a department store have small bathrooms and are not usually busy. Sometimes I will stand inside the door if it is not too busy in the men's room. This also depends on the men's room. Some of are wide open so I don;t want to make others in it uncomfortable. I let my oldest go when he was little (probably 4 or 5) at a turnpike bathroom in a men's room. I was waiting for ever outside and my imagination was running away with me. Thank fully a man came out and told me that my little boy was in there still. He was pooping so it was taking longer. After that I never let him go in without me. Thank fully a lot of places have family bathrooms now.

I have mixed feelings on this. At school they go alone in the proper bathroom so making them a boy go w/ mom when in public can be hard (but I believe necessary). It really depends on the actual location and the child. I used to let my son but was always a bit nervous. I now have a daughter (so I don't have to wait outside) that is 4.

If he really wanted to go alone, I would try to send him in a family bathroom so he would be alone and you could check on him if he took too long.

I heard a horrible story about a young boy (like 9 or so) going into a bathroom with his mom right outside. He was fatally attacked by a very disturbed individual. The individual ran out, mom ran in...it was too late. It happened very quickly. It was a true story and my son was about the same age at the time...makes you think.

Wow, you guys will think I am crazy but I still go into the restroom with my 12 yo daughter at the mall, library and movie theater. I let her go by herself in restaurants as long as I can see the door. When my husband takes the girls out he makes sure they go before they leave house. That would be tough with a son.

That is a tough one, he may feel embarrassed going into women's restrooms with you at his age, but you are concerned about sending him into the men's restroom alone...
If you have the option of a family restroom, walk him in and make sure no one else is in there (people have been known to hide in them, waiting for someone to come in alone). If your only option is to send him in to a men's public restroom, then teach him to be safe. My girls are 9 & 12 and I still take them to the restroom, some times I let them go together. But I always check out the family restrooms, single or no stall restrooms first. And they have been taught from a very young age to scream at the top of their lungs if anyone comes near them and they feel threatened or uncomfortable. We joke about it now, If I let them go alone or have to leave them to go myself, I always say "what do you do if a stranger comes near you?" and they reply "we scream". Of course they know the difference between someone passing by and someone approaching them.

Good question. I have struggled with this one due to possible molestation. A young boy goes in a public bathroom and exposes himself to pee makes it very easy to be molested. However, if you are standing right outside the bathroom, he should be fine. You will know if he is being molested if you are standing righ outside the bathroom. Obviously if it is taking longer (and you know he doesn't have to poop), then you should be concerned and walk right in there! I let my 7 y/o pee in a public bathroom on his own while waiting right outside. This will be good for your son's independence and self esteem.

This is a very real fear and transitional area for every mother and son.

I made my son use the women's restroom until he really started to complain about being uncomfortable in there.

Then I waited outside the door for him, probably around 6 or 7 years old.

We had lots of educational talks about appropriate bathroom behavior while in public bathrooms. I really tried not to scare him.

I have called in to the men's room and have had men tell me he is OK as they exited....which then I wonder... can I believe them??? We are so scared in our society...it's such a shame...I have walked in numerous times to give a cursory glance. Frankly I don't care what the other guys think. Just keeping my little guy safe.

My 7 year old son goes into public restrooms by himself. I remind him every time - "don't talk to anyone and come out or yell for me if you need me." If it takes him more than 3 minutes I'm at the door asking if he's ok or sending my husband in after him. They use the restroom at school by themselves and I think it's good to let them have that independence.

This isn't a direct answer to the question, because I've got an older girl. But this post and the responses made me curious: What do dads do when they're out with their little girls? This thread talks about moms and sons but what about dads with daughters? I bet they never take them into the men's room, unless maybe the dads do a thorough check to ensure that no one's there using the urinals. Urinals seem to make it impossible for dads to bring little girls into the men's room like moms bring little boys into the ladies' rooms. Anyone know of dads with solutions? It's not really an issue for us since our daughter's nearly 10, but it used to worry her dad when she was little and out with him. Fortunately we always made sure she used the toilet right before going out, etc.,but I do wonder how dads cope.

One other just-thinking topic: Around here the county recreation centers have a policy that parents cannot take a child who is over six into the dressing room for the opposite gender. So mom who has an eight-year-old boy with her going to the pool can't take him into the women's locker room, and a dad with a daughter that age can't take her into the men's locker room. They do have family dressing rooms at the pools for this very reason, but on busy days those are often taken up for ages by families with several kids along. So one thing to consider is how to handle it when the issue isn't a restroom but a dressing room where the child has to change clothes alone.

My boys are 6 and 13. They usually go to public restrooms together. If I'm out with just the 6 year old I will allow him to go alone, and I will wait outside. If he takes a long time, I will either open the door and ask how he's doing, or if other men are coming and going I'll ask one of them to ask for me (I don't want to peek in when men are using the urinals). Every time so far I have gotten the answer, "Yes, ma'am. I'm washing my hands." Then he shows up.

Well I have two boys close in age, I want to say at about 5 and 6 I let them go in together, only issue we ever had was when the older locked the stall and then got locked in when he couldn't open the door. This is a much more real concern than something scary terrible happening. I let my daughter go in alone now and started in most places when she was about 7, as long as I could see the restroom from where we were.

2nd grade worked for us!

My daughter & my son...when they were about 13. I took my son into the girls bathroom til he was 6 or 7 and tried to avoid public bathrooms for him after that age unless it was an emergency. Then I'd stand outside the door and ask him if he was okay every couple minutes. Give him an "emergency" word to use so you know if something is wrong...like his pets name. Better safe than sorry. Predators love bathrooms at the mall. Most stores and malls now have "Family Bathrooms" for this reason. They are single stall bathrooms that you can all go into together. Look for one of them when you are out shopping and he needs to go.

My son has been going in by himself since he started Kindergarten. That's when he refused to go in the women's room with me. I stand outside the door and if it's taking too long I open the door a little and ask "Are you okay in there Xavier?" and he'll usually respond. I've explained the rules to him. Go in, use the bathroom, wash your hands. If anyone tries to touch you or gets too close to you just call for me and I'll come in. Hasn't happened. He's now almost 7 and I still do this. My daughter is almost 4 and I go in with her but let her take her own stall.

My son is 8 he goes in alone if his dad or his brother are not around I stand by the door and seriously it still gives me anxiety. My oldest tells me I am the most paranoid person he knows he is probably right.