Whats Helps You?

Sounds like you've hit a winning solution for you, L.. I and others I know also find volunteer work to be rewarding for itself, and a great way to connect with others with similar values.

For me, being a SAHM wasn't an option. Financially and personally, we needed to have the kids in Day Care. It was a blessing to have moved our kids to a Day Care facility when I returned from Maternity Leave with my second because I was diagnosed with cancer the following week and couldn't have cared for them on my own when I was deep in treatment.

Cancer taught me that I really wanted to fulfill my purpose in life. I don't know what that is yet - if it's being a Mom and being the best Mom I can be, I am very content with that.

My husband and I have both always been sales people. You'd think we'd be competitive, but we both understand what drives the other. For my husband, work is a means by which to provide an honest living for his family. For me, it's knowing I'm reaching out and having a positive impact on people on a daily basis. I need an intellectual challenge - I thrive on learning but lack the patience to teach.

At the end of the day, I knew, in my heart, that I would not be a good stay at home Mom. I am a great Mom, I just don't think I would be a great SAHM. You're making incredible sacrifices for your family and yourself. I hope you have an outlet to get involved in something that enlightens you and makes your soul feel alive.

I wanted to give back to Cancer organizations after I finished treatment. I try, but my best gift to my kids is being 100% present in the time I do have with them.

Both side make incredible sacrifices. My life involves all the dishes and wiping rear ends that you mentioned, I just have a different schedule in which to get them done which can be an enormous challenge.

Make the decision that you know in your heart is right and that your family supports.
Good luck!

I am also a SAHM and love it. However, I totally feel your pain! Sometimes I just need adult conversation and while I have the greatest husband in the world, sometimes the conversation that I get from him isn't what I need. I think the biggest mistake that any SAHM makes is not making time for themselves. No matter what you do, the same thing day in and day out can get boring and overwhelming. Some I guess would argue that things are always different with kids around but it is still easy to get in a funk. For me, the biggest help has been time away from it all occationally. I started a girls night out once a month with some friends. Nothing expensive or anything, just a night for the girls to get together and let their hair down a little. It has been a great help for all of us. I also took a few classes last semester. It got me out of the house one or two nights a week and helped me feel like a human being. I think taking breaks occationally helps everyone in the family. It is good for dad to know what it is like to take care of the kids for an extended period of time so he appreciates what we do more. It also helps the kids appreciate mom while giving them some quality time with dad (in an ideal situation ofcourse). Everyone is happier in the long run.

Your husband is right, there is nothing wrong with being a SAHM, however for some they need more then that! I know because I have been there!! I sell Celebrating Home and some of the girls in my group do this because it gives them time with other women, to have some fun, make some money, and makes them feel better about themselves! If you are interested in something like that I would be glad to talk to you! My personal email is ____@____.com

I am glad that you found something to do that makes you feel good about yourself.

Prior to having children, I worked in nonprofit administration. I have found ways to still do this although the majority of this is unpaid. I volunteer with a birth advoacy organization. I do some extremely part time youth development work with the YMCA. I teach Sunday School and help out in my children's classrooms. I volunteer with neighborhood projects. Personally, for me this volunteer work is necessary. It keeps my job skills more current. It gives me a sense of belonging with adults in other organizations, etc. It gives me a sense of worth. That being said, I also better appreciate the things I do for our family and home. When I went to my husband's class reunion I gave myself the title of Household Coordinator not Stay at Home Mom. The tasks of coordinating kid's schedules, facilitating their personal and emotional growth, managing finances, scheduling house repairs, etc. is really a full-time job whether it is valued by society or not. Offices and Businesses have office managers. Homes need them too. To escape, I go on a couple of weekend scrapbooking retreats. For me, it was making opportunities for myself that would help me grow and learn. If I am going to be a good teacher for my kids I need to model the quest for learning in myself as well.

I think it's great that you have something you can do from home and still be with your kids. I quit working outside the home in Jan of 09' and started sewing custom clothing for children and formal dresses/figure skating dresses as well as tote bags. I love it and it gives me a little extra money to do stuff with my kids (I have 5). It also gives me some contact with the outside world and that is really important for a stay at home mom. I just had a new baby 4 weeks ago and can't wait to get back into my sewing in a few weeks. Keep searching for other outlets and its ok to want more for yourself as long as you can keep a good balance with your family.

I'm an AP English teacher, and I love it. I love the kids, stretching my mind every day, and the hours. It's perfect for me.

As for something other than my career that was incredibly fulfilling for me, I did the Breast Cancer 3-Day two years in a row. I did it with a close friend, and we poured ourselves into it. We raised a ton of money, much more than the required $2200 each. We also trained . . . hard. We walked, fast and long. It made us feel so good to be doing something worthwhile for others and for ourselves. We raised so much money for a wonderful cause, and we got into great shape while spending quality time with a good friend. The time spent on each of the 3-Day weekends was truly life-changing. They had guest speakers, but even more powerful than that were the incredible survivors we met while walking. The experiences of those two weekends were inspiring. Training, fundraising, and walking gave me something to be proud of, and it was completely separate from me as a teacher, a wife, and a mother. I was a woman again.

I hope you find something that inspires you. Find your inner-self. Find the woman inside.

*That being said, I love being wife, mother, and teacher,too. :-)

Hmmm...
I am a stay at home mom who works part time from home - the money is good, but I hate it. It to me it is just one more thing to try to fit into a life which is already to full.

I love what I do - it is just the time - I am always, ALWAYS overextended. What usually suffers is my "me" time. My husand is working with me to get me more time but it is tough. Even if he has her our for the day, most of my time is spent catching up on house stuff. For me an escape is a good book, a coffee and a pastry - oh and not at home so no one can disturb me.

Also - what helps is when I get some time to do chraty work -I find helping others is the best way to see how good I have really got it - of course that takes time too - sort of a catch 22, but in the end it is usually worth it.

To me, the key was figuring out what I would be doing if I wasn't a SAHM. No, I'm not talking about which job would I wake up and drag myself to. What type of career would you want or did you have before kids? You may think the career you want (or had) can't be done part time, but you have to be creative about it. I am an art teacher. With my first run of being a SAHM, I found a church group which taught homeschooled kids just one day a week. Perfect! Now that I'm a SAHM for the second time around, I landed a part time virtual teaching job. Doing just a little bit of teaching keeps me sane. Also, I attend the local annual art teacher's conference, knowing someday I'll be back full time in that profession, so I keep my foot in the door.

Before I had my son (& I was young) I couldn't imagine not wanting to work & always thought I would be working mom. Then I had him & I couldn't imagine not being with him, unfortunately, not working wasn't an option, so you just learn to get over it & say I have to put a roof over their head. Now, 15 years later, I have a job I enjoy, but would like something more & couldn't imagine not working again. I also still wish I had more time with my kids. My idea is (if financially possible) is to work part time, say three days a week. Enough to give me some individuality & sense of accomplishment, but not so much I'm scrambling for dinners, soccer practices, laundry, & school functions...etc etc etc. Even with work, I still wish I had an outlet. Work, especially full time, is not a REAL outlet. I still wish I had time to take a dance or aerobics class, maybe volunteer somewhere or somethng. So I guess it doesn't matter which you are SAHM, WAHM, or WM, you still end up wanting something to define YOU. We, as moms, get wrapped up in our kids, which is GREAT (couldn't imagine not chasing the soccer games, dirt bike races, etc), but we end up losing our sense of us. I do pick up the kids' rock band / guitar hero, every now & again & have a blast with that with & without them ;) Not the best outlet, but it's better than laundry!

I think my outlet would be gardening. I love to work in the yard while hubby takes care of the kids in the evenings. I do it all, mowing, landscaping, weeding, planting...Once you start sticking flowers in, it can become very addicting! I also love to go spend time on Sat. mornings at the farmers market in overland park, or at the berry patch during the week. Feeding my family great food is something I enjoy, though I'm really not much of a cook. I fully agree that every woman needs something that defines who she is, and finding that thing, or time to spend on it can be very difficult. Sounds to me like you've got it figured out.

Honestly, the best escape for me is other moms/girlfriends. I try and have playdates when I can so that my daughter can be around other kids and I can hang out and chat with other moms! I also have a grou of girlfriends that I go out to dinner with once a month. We try new and different places that we might never go to with our husbands and just have fun! I think it's great you have a fullfilling business, but you need some time to hang out and chit chat or eat ice cream or whatever you might do to let loose...without your husband and kids around!

I hear you and I think, for me anyway, that winter plays a big role in these feelings. The biggest 2 things that help me are my involvement in the MOMS Club of Independence and my Tastefully Simple business. This year I'm serving on the board for the MOMS Club so it keeps me very involved with the kids activities and keeps me in touch with other moms. We normally have a MOMS Night Out once a month so we have time to get out of the house and visit.

Working with Tastefully Simple is also a wonderful outlet for me. I schedule home taste-testing parties 2-3 times per week, giving me the opportunity to get out and meet new ladies - another source for adult interaction and an area where I can feel I've accomplished something outside the home.

I also volunteer once per week at a local elementary school as a Youth Friend lunch buddy. This year I have a girl in 4th grade. We meet to have lunch, talk about whatever she needs and/or play games. I was with my last youth friend for 2 years and it was a truly rewarding experience.

Don't get me wrong...homeschooling our daughter is an extremely enriching, rewarding experience and I wouldn't change it for the world but I find the things that I do outside of the house make it more comeplete. It is too easy for me to feel stuck inside or find that its just easier to stay home. When I force myself to get out and get busy I feel much more complete.

Hope that helps.