Ok, I mostly just really need to vent about this but also want opinions. My husband and I have been seriously struggling financially the past 2 months due to a business deal that went bad. We have been so stressed out both emotionally and financially dealing with all of this. To add to it, we already had obligations we were planning on paying off this month. We have a 6 year old son that we have not been able to buy ANY gifts for as of yet and Christmas is less than 2 weeks away. We are praying he gets his bonus soon so that we can. He may not get it until Dec. 23rd!
The company he works for takes "donations" every year for a scholarship fund. They asked my husband how much he wanted to put in. He told them $20. His boss came back with an e-mail that basically asked why he was only doing $20 when all the other managers did at least $100!!! I am more than a little upset over this. We have been struggling, don't even have a gift for our own child yet and he is supposed to put in a manager's "donation" when he has worked as a manager since April without the manager's pay?! I am floored at this. I told him he needed to go talk to his boss and tell them that he will put in a manager's donation when he receives a manager's pay. What would you do?
Just to clarify a couple of things, the business deal going bad was completely NOT our fault or doing. However, we are very much Christians and wanted to handle it that way, so we did. Second, my husband was asked to take the Manager role and title but to wait for the bump in pay until the first of the year. My main point was that I don't see how you can call it a "donation" when you are stating how much one needs to "donate."
My husband decided to do the $100 donation. Next year, we will know it is coming and plan for it. Hopefully, this will all pay off in the next few weeks. Thanks for the advice! I appreciate all of it. It's good to have different points of view to consider.
Just a side note: I have a 6 year old that still believes in Santa. He always comes first and always will. I won't break his heart just because someone else was a very greedy person.
I would ignore the email, and if pushed simply say that 20 is all you can afford this year,and next year you hope to be in a position to give more.
My question is who's business is it on what someone contributes/donates at all? Geezzz! IMO, they should have a person or place for the donations - and that is it! And no detailing who gave what ---OMG!
Again, I am the lone ranger. You ALWAYS behave one level up in Corporate America if you are trying to get promoted or keep your job as an executive/manager. To make the statement that you will put in a managers donation when he receives a manager's pay will ensure your hubby never gets recommended for anything else at that job.
I guess it would depend on how much else he will have to "donate" throughout the year - perhaps there is another manager he can ask what the rules are throughout the year - maybe he can give $20 now, but double the next donation?
IF there is ANY way you can get the $100 I would get it and contribute. If he wants to play ball with the boys he needs to start on equal footing.
This would be career-impacting at some of the jobs I've held - I'm not kidding.
You've always heard of the "cost" of getting ahead. This is the cost. This is corporate America.
It's not your boss's problem that you had a side business deal gone bad. If you "explain" that you are having financial trouble it will make your hubby "shaky" in the eyes of the boss. I don't know what kind of job this is, but anyone who is having any kind of 'trouble' is not "counted on" for the big tasks.
If the tables were turned - you would want your hubby to back you. So you need to back your hubby. Also the cost of getting ahead. What happens to your family if he loses this job? Or doesn't get promoted after all over this? Will $80 make a difference to risk his job?
Good Luck.
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I would let your husband handle this...I think it is ridiculous that the boss is pushing for a bigger contribution than anyone wants to make of their own volition. I think that your husband simply needs to ignore the request for more money...and if the boss has the moxie to come back and say something again I would just simply tell him that "$20 is all I can afford to give you right now"....end of explanation.
Good luck
I'd do what several other posters suggested and not even justify the whole thing with an explanation. The implication that your husband is not doing his part is careless at best, infuriating at worst. That said, I agree with not discussing your financial situation with others. By saying anything at all in that regard, it dignifies the offensive inquiry from your husband's boss. It's none of his business, any of it.
I have to agree with Wickerparkgirl on this one. It will do your husband's career no good at all to either state or imply that he can't manage his personal finances. It is not his boss's fault that you guys had a deal go bad. I would suggest that your husband apologize for his oversight and up his contribution to $100. When he gets his bonus on the 23rd, you go shopping for your son. If there's a chance that he won't get a bonus, think of a Plan B. Your husband, it appears, needs to stay in good standing with this boss, at least for now.
I have worked as a manager, and as an HR manager. If I ever had heard a person complain about their salary in that way ("if I had a manager's pay, I could make a manager's donation", they would not have gotten recommended for a promotion or salary increase from me. I've taken many "promotions" that meant more work and no more money with no complaint. Then later, I was well rewarded.
Well, you don't make a big stink for sure. I would turn the tables on them and kinda hang my head a bit and say something like "I am sure sorry, but this year finances are pretty tight...we are hoping to be able to provide Christmas for our son. Maybe next year when I am making a Manager's salary, I will be able to contribute more". Makes your point without being obnoxious about it....
I would ask hubby to email back and nicely say that although he's been a manager since April and would love to contribute more, he simply isn't able to at this time. I would also say that due to some issues beyond your control, you recently had a MAJOR financial set back and have yet to be able to purchase christmas gifts for your own child. That should shut his trap real quick and maybe get him his bonus faster. Its a tough time for lots of people, good luck!!!
My husband gets similar pressure from other doctors in his group to give to their hospital's endowment, and to attend the annual $500/plate gala. They look at his salary and ask him why he can't do more than he is, but they don't know about all the places our money ends up going. He just tells them, "If we could give more right now, we would, but I am glad that YOU have been fortunate enough to be so generous." (The others know because the names are listed in the program for the gala, which we have never even been able to attend.)
If he wants a manager's pay he shouldn't be telling his boss that he cannot manage his personal finances. Your employer is well aware of what you make and what you should be able to afford with that. They know where you live and how many kids you have.
Personally I would have found out before hand what everyone was giving and done that. I would have also taken the email as meaning nothing more than were you aware.
I would probably tell my boss that we cannot afford any more than $20 at this time.
Bit, no, this is not the time to bring up his inequitable salary. It will probably be obvious. There are lots of people that make a LOT of money that cannot afford an extra twenty bucks. Your personal finances (bad business deal) is nobody's business but your own!
I thought a donation was supposed to be what you wanted to give, not what everyone else was giving.
Is there a neutral third party that can go to you husband's boss and explain(without going into too much detail) that your family is in financial trouble and can't even afford a gift for your own child? Ideally someone who is good at laying it on thick and can make this boss feel really guilty!
seriously that was way out of line and unprofessional. has he had problems with this boss before this? i would tell him to save the email for future reference if need be. i would also consider a talk with HR.
My company does a big fundraising push in the fall where a bit of pressure is put on the sups to get 100% participation from we employees. I never participate. I don't believe in charity by peer pressure so although I do support many charities I do so on my own and choose the charities I believe in.
I think your hubby should give the $20 he agreed to and if the boss says anything else just say that he's not able do give more at this time. Period.
YIKES!!! What a situation to be in. I would let my husband handle it. It IS HIS career.
Your bad business decision and loss is NOT their responsibility or problem.
I hope that he hasn't screwed the pooch by doing work outside his current field...I hope he hasn't signed a contract that stated a non-compete clause...if what he was doing in the bad business deal was against what he signed a contract to..he might keep his mouth shut. If it was NOT a non-compete agreement or anything like that - he can go into his boss and tell his boss what happened.
Another thing to consider is it MIGHT be illegal to demand donations, etc. Keep the e-mail...print it out and put it in a safe.
AS others have stated you need to either:
1) suck it up and have a "oh I had no idea" here's your $100 moment - no matter how hard that may be.
OR
2) Simply reply "my wife and I support many causes throughout the year and now that I know about the Scholarship fund we'll be sure to budget accordingly for next year."
MAKE SURE he has a name or two and can 'speak ' about places/causes you 'support' b/c this boss sounds like areal winner and may ask about it.
Either way DO NOT say anything about your financial troubles (my hubby dealt w/ a guy w/ issues and as other posters have said it COMPLETELY wipes away any respect/promotion opportunities). Good luck.
I would not donate $100 just because he feels pressured to. That's grocery money. If you can't afford gifts for your son until the 23rd have you thought about talking to your church pastor about being on the list of families that would benefit from charitable donations? Many churches have "giving trees" for families to choose a tag from representing a child from a family in need and they buy a gift for the child based on gender, age, and if there's a preference for a type of toy or something, and then they wrap it and put it under the tree. A lot of churches do something similar.
You can also call your local food pantry/city hall and see if they have a charitable donation for the holidays. My daughters' Girl Scout troops donated a lot of toys, books, crafts, games, etc. this year to the toy drive housed by the food pantry.
I pretty much agree with you. I think your husband needs to talk to his boss in person and explain that things are really tight. Depending upon how close and how good of a relationship they have your husband can decide how much to divulge, but the fact that he's been working this long without the pay upgrade is totally bogus. I also think it's pretty ballsy of the boss to even send out an email of such nature, I mean they are asking for free will donations so no one should be judged! Good luck, I'm sure this is adding more stress!
Okay, have been poor a lot of my life and here is what I would honestly do in this instance.
It's Christmas. Let the "obligations" go, tell whoever they are with, if it is a business, that you will get the money to them in January. Bills that are not for the utilities or home can wait a couple of weeks. If it is an individual that is counting on that money to support their family then you need to pay them.
Spend some money on the kiddo for Christmas. If you are normally one of those families that spend hundreds on your child then it is time to have a heart to heart with the boy and tell him to limit his wish list to just a could of items. He may be mad but he would rather get a couple of good solid toys than a lot of toys that will break and be forgotten in a few weeks.
Something that was shared with me the other day was this. When this child is an adult are they going to remember what they got for Christmas in 2011? No, not even. They will however remember baking cookies, making a cake, playing games, coloring pictures together, etc.... there are many other ways of celebrating the holidays.
So okay, you live in a sort of warm winter area. Lets say he's ready for a 16" or 20" bike. Let Santa bring one from Walmart. They have them starting at $50 up to $80. Then you can get him a few $5-$15 games that the whole family can play. That makes his Christmas under $100 up to $150.
That way you can do both things, give a donation and have Christmas. You don't need anything nor does the hubby. If the kiddo would notice the lack of a gift between the two of you then by all means find an older item that he hasn't seen and wrap it up with the hubbies name on it for you and vice versa.
To clarify:
I would pay the Obligation but just put it off until the 1st of January. It's already half way through the month, and it could be late, even with late fees.
I hate when jobs do this kinda bs. It is definitely your hubby's call. But, it will only get worse. My idea is to pay $50 and look for another job. When he becomes the highly paid boss, he shoudl remember this feeling.
I sooo agree with Wickerparkgirl. Think of it as sowing seeds, and be thankful that it's not a golfing trip.
Editorial: The Christmas part of your story makes me so glad that I am not caught up in the hype of it all. I truly do not understand how people who have no money to take care of business can decide to make such a big deal about Christmas shopping. Someone even suggested that you tell the people you owe that you won't pay them until January. Seriously??!!! Maybe that poor financial judgment is why you are in the position that you are in.
I would basically say exactly what you said in your post here. Your family has been struggling financially and are unable to provide gifts for your own son, let alone contributions to the scholarship. Tell him that the $20 your husband has offered is already more than you can afford, but that you believe in the cause and feel it's important to give a contribution, even a small one.
As for working as a manager without the pay, that's a separate issue. Why is that happening? Does he have the manager's title, or is he just doing the manager's job? He needs to sort that out separately, not in conjunction with the scholarship fund donation.
Your husband should go to his boss and state that "Things are really financially hard for us right now. I would love to be able to donate as much as the other managers but with not having manager's pay just yet and not being able to have done shopping for your own son yet, you just can afford to right now.
