What Would You Have Said/done - Toddler/Preschooler Conflicts

I don't know what people SHOULD do, but I would have walked over there, removed the plant stalk from the boy's hand (so it wasn't a danger anymore) and then made sure my son was okay. I would want to know if he was actually hurt or just upset. Then I would have gently said to the 3 year old "We don't put plants in other people's faces because they could get hurt."

Then I would have encouraged them both to find something else to do.

Both kids are young and they need a lot of supervision and redirection. There really isn't much your son could have done to be more "assertive" except walk away and come get you. When the kids get older I always encourage them to tell other kids to stop doing whatever they are doing that is hurting them, but since both boys are so young they just need a parental eye and help handling these issues.

IMHO

"We don't hit, or throw anything in anyone's face. You could hurt someones eyes."
"No grabbing! That's not how to play nice." and say 'Thanks' to the parent for handing back what was grabbed.
All parents have heard and said the same things.
No need to worry about your son being assertive at this stage.
Toddlers/preschoolers have a lot to learn about playing together.

When he hit your son in the face, was it a mistake? Were they playing? Was he angry and being aggressive or trying to hurt him?

If it was an accident or they were just playing, you tell both boys "We can't play with sticks or plant stalks because someone always gets hurt. You need to put them down now." Even if only the other boy was the only one holding one. Then you tell your son that it was an accident and his friend didn't mean to hurt him. Make sure the other boy knows he isn't in trouble.

If he did it with the intent of hurting your son, again, you need to tell him to put the stalk down. You also need to say "it's not ok to hurt our friends. We need to use words when we're angry, not hit each other."

As for the second situation, the other mother handled it. End of story.

I would have consoled my child and told my child I was sure it was an accident. If there was some doubt in my mind about whether or not it was an accident, I would have taken the stalk from the other child and just explained to him/her that that's not a good toy and tried to distract them with something else. BUT it appears that you were watching them play with these stalks so, IMHO, the fault is yours for not anticipating that and allowing them to play with hard plant stocks. That's like encouraging them to play with sticks!

I would not have said anything to the child when he took the stalk from your child because the other mother apparently intervened. There was nothing for you to do or say.

If you treat kids like they are your students. Like a teacher to her kids. Then it's often easier to know what to do, what would a teacher do if she saw this.

If you just think about this in that way you might see how you could have handled this. I would have knelt down and told the little one that we don't hit our friends then left it at that.

"Uh oh! We don't hit people in the face with our 'swords' because it could hurt them, okay?"

"Do you want a plant too? They're over there if you'd like to pick one for yourself. That's the one _______ was playing with."

To the other parent: "Thank you."

Teach by example. Say the things you'd want your son to say. He'll start mimicking.

These things happen. The two posts below are right on, it's about all you can say/do. At least the other parent did something positive.

One time when my 19 mo. old was sitting and playing with a 2 yr. old at the cupboard w/ plastic ware when suddenly, out of seemingly nowhere, the 2yr old hit her on the top of the head with a can of campbell's soup I was just stunned. I picked her up and all and after she settled down and everything was calm. I asked the other mother why she didn't say anything to her little girl. (I didn't expect much, but I thought she should at least tell her no hitting, that hurt, etc.) She said to me, "it was her can of soup she can do anything she wants with it." You better believe that was the last of that. I can't tell you how dumb founded I was, I actually thought I didn't hear her right.

Anyway, I'm sure your answers are just right and the little ones will play and have fun together. Just have to keep an eye open all the time and quick reflexes with these little ones. They don't know they're actually hurt someone and it's not their intent.

Be Well