What Would You Do (Work Problems... I'm a Nanny)

They made the scheduling error...you are absolutely justified in saying "I am sorry, you said you didn't need me that day and I made plans with my family for my birthday".

Hmm a couple of weeks have gone by since they realized their screw up? Or do they just change things on you a lot like this because they know they can usually get away wth it?

They should be out of luck. I'd tell them sorry, but plans have been made for my b-day and food has been ordered. I would've needed to know this in advance.

If you always let them change things and tell you about work last minute, then they're going to take advantage. Nip this now before it keeps on happening.

If I understand correctly that they had told you that you didn't need to work and are now telling you that they made a mistake and that they need you, then it's OK to say that you can't work. No need to tell them why, tho doing so may make it easier for them to accept it.

What they do about getting care for that day is not your responsibility. The salient point is that they told you you didn't work and you made plans.

As you are telling them that you cannot change your plans, let them know that if it weren't a big family event you would cover the shift, like you have in the past, but since you will have out-of-towners and catered food, it's just not possible. "So sorry.. you know I would if I could, I have in the past, but just can't do it this time". "My family planned Friday, because YOU said I had to work Wednesday" !!! Yeesh, crazy people. Don't feel bad, enjoy your special day!!

I would not change my plans. Mom screwed up. Have a happy birthday with your family.

I've had a nanny for years and years and if something like this happened, I would accept it was my fault, not the nanny's. I just had our Friday nanny say she can't work the friday after thanksgiving. I have to work and hubby is flying to his HS reunion. She should have known that's not a holiday around here based on the past two years. Sucks but I have to work. Anyway, I didn't make a fuss... She's a great nanny and person so I let it go. Hopefully your employers will treat you the same given this isn't your fault! Not easy to find someone good who is so flexible. They should appreciate you.

I agree with what other commenters have said, but one thing I would not do is explain specifically why you can't be available. You can say something like I made plans that I cannot break or I've made commitments in which other people are depending on me and can't break them. I would not explain that it is your birthday because people can be judgmental. While to you and most people having a bday, especially with out of town family coming, is important, some people might wonder why you don't break your plans for them because your event doesn't seem important enough to them not to break. Does that make sense? Trust me! My SIL is always telling me exactly why they can't come to my kids' bday or something else we're hosting, and because I don't feel like it's a good enough reason, I get rather judgmental about it. I wish she would just say 'we have plans'. Of course, she's never used an excuse like yours (it's things like 'I have to clean the house'), but that's another story. My point is, be a little vague and just say you have plans, otherwise you might find people arguing with you about why you being there for them is more important than you being there for yourself!

I would tell them that you were told you didn't have to work and that it's your 21st birthday with family coming into town to celebrate and you can't break those plans now. If they throw a fit tell them that you've changed plans and come to work last minute for them in the past and they need to understand this one time that you cannot break these plans as you need a life as well.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

They gave you their work schedule which means they gave you your work schedule and you made plans around it. It's not your fault that they made a mistake, so because it's a one-off and your birthday, I do think it's fair of you to let them know that you made some important plans that you don't feel comfortable canceling.

They'll find a way. It sounds like this couple works in retail and probably should have counted working on Black Friday? Is that a fair assumption? If that's the case, then hopefully they have a lot of family members that are off of work who aren't in retail and will be just itching to spend time with those children on Friday.

EDIT: Ah, okay, those careers make sense too. :-)

Do you have a calendar? If I had a set schedule of switching W and F, I would write it down so that *I* was clear what days I worked. I would also make sure that my client was on the same page. Since this has happened more than once, I'd go over the schedule for the next few weeks and give them a copy. I would explain to them in person that you need to be clear on the schedule because you have lost other work opportunities (they are not your only clients) and are now in a bind about your own birthday. Find a solution that works for you, but I would frankly be proactive vs reactive. You may also need to start a "changes must be made in writing by x date" policy or have people initial the calendar you provide to show they understand the dates you are scheduled FOR THEM. If I mix up the dates that my DD's school is open, I need to make arrangements for her if I have to go to a meeting or something, or I need to change my appointments. The school is very clear on what days they are available. A nanny may be more flexible, but I don't think it's unreasonable to clarify when you work and how changes are made. Either way, follow up as in person as you can. You have plans based on when they said you had to work. I hope they are not unreasonable about you keeping them. Remember to be professional.

ETA: You know, good point from Beth. I realize you probably already mentioned it's your birthday, but in the future you might consider just saying, "I'm sorry, but per our conversation on x date, that day was available. I am not able to change it." She knows you are only PT with them, so it shouldn't matter if it's a job or you took advantage of a day off. I used to tell my boss a lot more about whys and wherefores and then I started pulling back and asking about a day off for "an appointment" and it didn't matter whether it was for me, my child, or the cat. Either I got the time or I didn't and she didn't need my life history and would frankly have been less likely to give it to me if she felt twitchy about a topic that day.

Down the road you are not only standing up for your own time, but your child's. Right now, Oliver is portable. But that will change.

" 'I'm sorry, but you told me I didn't have to work that day so I made other plans which I am not going to cancel'?" For this-you are off the hook. In reality, however, working on your birthday? Welcome to adulthood-you will, if you're lucky, be working on quite a few of those "milestone" dates.

I would tell Family 2 that you have turned down other work on 11/21 and made plans that can't be cancelled for 11/23. Do they want you to work on 11/21? If so, that is great but you can't work on 11/23. I would also check w/ Family 1 to see if they still need you and if so work for them on the 21st (assuming Family 2 doesn't decide they DO need you).

Just tell them they have to give you two weeks our even a month notice or you cannot guarantee you are available.

You would not have felt bad saying no if the other family needed you why do you feel bad if your own family needed you?

Well I find this tricky. I mean really you are sort of responsible for your own schedule. Although you alternate days each week the pattern in which you work is the same (except for the weekends), so really, you should have caught the mistake and not had to have called them to check and see if you were available or not. If this is your full time job and your livelihood I find it shocking that it never occurred to you to write it down.

That being said, if this is how it is and you usually just phone them to ask about scheduling conflicts, etc., then well I guess it's the norm and they can't be too upset that there was a confusion, especially since it seems they change things around quite a bit as well.

I think it's okay to say, hey I made plans for my birthday, let's work this out. I hope it does work out, that would be a major bummer for you!

That really sucks. But, I think it's up to you to maintain your schedule, not the family you work for. It's your responsibility.

I am not one to make a big deal of my adult birthday years (except on milestone years--21, 29, 30, 39, 40, 49, 50, 59, 60--as I enter or leave a decade) but I can understand those who do celebrate big each year.

Take the day off. You are 21. You sound soooo sweet--you are celebrating that day with family and not at some bar drinking and partying. Therefore, you are probably a real gem to that family, too. They can manage. You will never hit THAT milestone age again!

Unfortunately, as a nanny, you are responsible to be there. If you don't go to work, the parents don't go to work, and you can't get paid. That was the mind-set I put on myself when I was a nanny. You should definitely be writing down the days you work so you KNOW for sure when you have off and when you work.

I think it stinks that they messed up, but you should be working that day. They won't have you work at night when you plan to celebrate with your family, right?

I think you are an adult and need to do a monthly calendar before the 1st so you can see ahead what days you are going to be at one place or the other. This way you already know when you are to be someplace.

If they need you to change then you need to make sure that you are able to do that. Carry a small version of your calendar in your purse so you can refer to it immed. if the family needs you to switch.

As for this situation, you need to adjust the time you are having your family birthday meal to when you are not at the employers place. You can do a late dinner meal or a brunch if you go in late and work late into the evening.

I understand about family and wanting to see them but aren't you going to be spending Thanksgiving Day with all of them? If you don't get to be off work then you could take the kids you are a nanny for and include them?

I always was supposed to treat the kids like they were my own, I was like a surrogate mom, if I needed to go somewhere I loaded them up and off we went. They went to rehearsal with me, they went to doc appointments, they went to the grocery store, they went to my house if I wanted to do stuff there, I was a trusted person so I was trusted to take as good of care of them as I would take with my own family.