My eight year old daughter went to her friends and spent the night, along with two other girls. So total 4 girls. And I picked her up Sat and she said she did not have a good time. So she explained to me how the girl that it was at her house was mean to all of them. And if they did not play what she wanted to she would put them in time out. And she told my daughter she could not eat breakfast. More or less she said this is my house my rules. And of course the parents were at a marriage retreat with us and the other girls parents. So they had their nanny at the house. And you know how that went, all she did was tell them to play nice and thats it. I spoke to one of the other parents and she said her daughter said the same things. We are all great friends, and I have advised my daughter if the situation arises again. My question to all is would you say something to the girls mom, who did this, or just leave it for my daughter to handle the next time this happens?? I know its only going to get worse the older she gets!! Great things to look forward to having a girl, yeah!!
I am just going to leave it up to my daughter to handle it next time this happens. I am afraid if I said something to the mom it would come between our friendship. So my daughter knows all, she knows she can call me, and other ways of handling this with her friend. We will see!! If anything this will be a great life lession for her. Thanks everyone!!
I would want to know if my child did this. Also, I would have a hard time leaving my child in the care of this nanny for any extended time again. If a nanny stands by while an 8 year old tells another she cannot even eat breakfast, what else is she ignoring? "Play nice" may work when the girl is being bossy, but it sounds a little more extreme than that.
I'm with Jodi. Ask your daughter. I think it needs to be addressed, but not it if would cause her discomfort. Good luck.
Hi H.,
Since yall are good friends, can you possibly bring it up in a jokingly kind of manner, "Hey, I heard "Julie" was quite the little queen bee at the sleep over the night". And see what the mom says? Is the mom one to get easily offended over things though? Wish I could help you on this one, I'm sure other moms will be able to! I can remember being that age and when my friends were at my house or vice versa ,we each always thought we were the boss just because it was "my house".
-Char
My parents told us,
"If you are uncomfortable for ANY reason, just call us and we will pick you up."
We had the power to judge, "is this bothering me enough to be picked up?" Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It was comforting to us to know that we had that option and that our parents meant it.
Maybe next time, if your daughter knows she can call you to pick her up, she might if she really understands you are just nicely going to go and pick her up. Let her know that she won't be in trouble for calling and everything will be alright.
I think Jodi is right on. Our first instinct as a mom is to go straight to the parents, but your daughter is old enough that she can tell you whether that would make her feel uncomfortable or not. If you do talk to the parents, don't be confrontational about it. Just let them know that your daughter said some things that kind of concerned you, and you just wanted to make them aware. Probably don't even bring in the fact that you spoke with the other moms. Let them come to the parents on their own. I hope all works out for you.
Ask your daughter what she would like you to do. Ask your daughter if it causes her any discomfort on a normal basis to be around this girl. If it does, just make a point that she not have to spend much time with her. If the mother asks why, then you may respond. The best approach to this right now is to make the best situation for your child in her opinion.
Good luck!
Jodi
If it were my child, i would want to know as well. But, I would ask your daughter about her feelings and what she think should happen (help teach assertiveness and conflict management).
Also, if i were you, i would make sure the next sleepover is at my house to set some ground rules and have closer monitoing. This would be a great opportunity for your daughter to model to the other girl the FUN way to have a sleepover!!
H.:
I would want to know if any of my children behaved that way. I wouldn't be offended and would actually appreciate another mom(especially since you are friends) to clue me in. That way, she'd have the opportunity to correct her child's behavior and help her to learn how to act when friends are at her home. It's always difficult for the child hosting in the beginning and if the Mom has no clue-she can't help her work on things. In my opinion, it wouldn't be fair to limit access between the children without giving her a chance to correct some behaviors.
Good luck!
