What Would You Do? - Rosemount, MN

It's totally normal for the kids to have seperation anxiety and not want mom to leave or be left alone at school. I would totally put him in preschool and get him used to it now. So by the time kindergarten comes he won't be freaked out. I had my daughter in preschool at ages 3 and 4. She never cried thankfully and when kindergarten came along she did awesome no tears, nothing. I know there were a few other kids in kindergarten that cried daily for weeks. So I would try and get him used to the idea as much as possible.

Sometimes us parents have to have tough love, it's hard but it makes our children better and in the long run everyone is happy.

There is an ECFE class called Bridge to Preschool that I brought my daughter to last year. One day you are with your child the 1st hour and the 2nd hour you go to the parenting room. The other day you drop off your child so they are there for 2 hours without you in the building. It is a great transition class. This fall my 3 1/2 year old will be going to "real" preschool.

Good luck!

My son also had a horrible time when I would leave him places. He did not even want to be dropped off at a friend's house for a playdate.

Regarding his current class, I would recommend trying to take him a few minutes early, so that he is one of the first kids there - that way he sees the kids arrive and can adjust to the class size slowly.

If it's a situation where he starts to enjoy the class after a few minutes, I would consider continuing. But if he is adamant throughout, you might want to give him a break. Remember that you want him to learn that he can trust you to take his feelings into account and to look out for him.

As for preschool, you may want to contact the school and see what you can do beforehand - visit the classroom when it's quiet. Meet the teachers. Let him look through the window while a class is going on. We had a rough two weeks when I first dropped my son off for preschool, but I do think that the time socializing has been good for him.

If your son used to be very sociable, I would say he's definitely going through a separation phase - remember these things come in waves throughout his early childhood - and will go back to sociable soon. Take it slow and trust your gut - don't get angry at him or do something that makes you feel like you're pushing him too hard.

We have had similar problems with my 3 year old in Sunday School. He was not like this in the past. We stuck to our guns and had him continue to go. It has improved, not 100%, but he usually looks forward to going. We tried to do something special for him after he went to make him feel really proud of himself. Usually, a special lunch after church, going to the park, and just lots of praise. I'd say to keep it up because it gets better. I cried a few times leaving because I knew he was so upset...I think it's been harder on me:) You could also get others involved in praising him so he feels like it is a really big deal to go. My 5-year old is the best one to give praise to his little brother. Take care!

If the class you have enrolled him in is not enjoyable to him, I would not make him continue to go. Being that he is so young, if it's not fun its not worth it. However, I would send him to preschool. This is something he is going to have to face sooner or later and starting him now will prepare him for things that lie ahead, such as kindergarten, etc. It sounds like your son is having seperation anxiety and it is something that most kids go through at some point. You can prepare him by telling him exactly what is going to happen. Tell him that you will pick him up at 3:00pm (or whatever time you will be there) and tell him that you love him, and you will always come back for him. Remind him that you are always there for him, and that you have always kept your word to him. Then make sure you are there at 3:00 pm because he will be asking all day when is 3:00pm? How long before my mom gets here? The first few days will probably be hard on you. He will cry and carry on when you drop him off, and like any good mother you will question whether or not you are doing the right thing. You are. Talk to the staff, typically children who get upset when their parent leaves, are just fine once they are gone. After a few days things will settle down, he will start to adjust and make friends and your leaving won't be such a big deal anymore. Also be consistent and make a routine of things, get up at the same time everyday , get dressed, brush hair, brush teeth, have breakfast, go to school, mom picks me up at 3:00pm. Whatever your pattern is do it the same way everytime, this will help him trust that its okay for mom to go away, because I know she will be here at 3;00 pm to pick me up. The more routine, usually the quicker the child adjusts.

Hi there, I have seen this many times and it is not unusal at all. Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming when it starts to get a bit busy or crowded. I would reassure him or her that she is doing a great job and to keep up the excellent work. Not sure what the class is. You are right about having your child enroll in something and then the first time they do not have the desire to go let them drop out. You only teach children to be quitters. However, if there is a genuine reason the child is not wanting to attend then I would look at that. I hope that helps.
In regards to pre-school I agree with Beth totally. Get him or her used to going to school now and then you won't have the problem when you enroll in kindergarten. I think activities are wonderful for children, it is great for their social element and expanding their horizons.
all the best, B.

My daughter is 3 1/2 and she recently went through a seperation anxiety stage too. Don't think of development as a check list - once they've done something, you can check it off. They may revisist and rework along the way.

I think we can OVER-prepare our kids into anxieties. We always want our kids to be "excited" for things but sometimes it's too much. My oldest needed to be prepared with every little detail about where she was going, what it would be like there etc. etc. My younger two get too freaked out by that. I just let them know something is coming up shortly before in a very casual way. If they have questions, I'll give a very short and very low-key answer. I just act confident about it and about them and drop it.

Going from excited to calm/confident may be too much of a leap for him to navigate at this stage. I would try keeping him as level as possible emotionally. It's not FOREVER but too much stimulation is bugging him right now. It bugs ME too!

Dear CT,

I am far from this stage as a parent (my LO is 9 mo), but I thought I'd offer an idea that helped me when I was little (I was a pretty shy kid who didn't like new situations--so a different general temperament from your son, but maybe something like his temporary state now). I really liked stuffed animals, so for my first day of preschool, my mom got me a tiny stuffed bear that I could wear pinned to my outfit or keep in my cubby. It functioned as a security object for me (just like a lovey for going to sleep). It had to be something that I could have attached to me or stored away so that the other kids wouldn't get at it, but just knowing that it was there with me helped comfort me. Perhaps there's a little something that your son could have with him as a security object? I know that's not a complete answer to your quandary, but maybe it would help a bit.

Best of luck--it's so hard to know what to do in these situations, where there are good arguments both ways. I can tell what a caring mom you are from your message.