What Would You Do? - Ann Arbor,MI

She scammed you, and you need to call her out and demand she give the money back. Or else, what else will you put up with? You're teaching her this is OK if you don't say anything.

NO WAY should you just let this go. Prom dresses aren't cheap were not not talking about $20. You should ask her what she purchased with the store credit. Also, you should talk to her father and see what's up.

If she told you she returned the dress then I would just ask what she bought with the store credit. As long as you don't ask in a demanding way then it shouldn't be a big deal.

Maybe she wanted a different dress that you would not approve of.

Teenagers are pretty sneaky, and I think she may have been working you. She is definitely taking advantage & needs to be called out on it (as kindly as possible, of course!).

Hmmm.
I wouldn't just let it go.
If I gave my kids money for something specific, that THEY wanted and picked out then changed their minds, they wouldn't just get to keep the money or have it on a gift card.
Nope.

I could be wrong, but the prom and homecoming dress thing just seems like a way for her to get store credit for her to buy other things as she chooses at her discretion. It doesn't seem like she really wanted either dress for whatever reason. She wanted the store credit.
That seems dishonest and manipulative to me and I think it would take one phone call to JCP customer service to flag your account so that returns are credited to your credit account ONLY. No more gift cards.

That might sound harsh, but as a single mom who could never just throw money around, I would put a stop to that cycle. If she was exchanging a dress for a different size or color, that would be one thing, but you are basically just giving her money on a card regardless of what you intended to pay for.
At the very least, she should be showing receipts for what else she uses the money for.

This is just my opinion.

You bought what you bought... if she didn't want it, it shoudl come off your credit card, not be used for whatever she wants.

I think you are being scammed some how.

Perhaps the whole, "shouldn't you be asked by a boy first" mentioning made her feel badly about her self. She is a teenager...in her mind...her own mother asked why a boy won't ask her out. How degrading. Let this go, she is not being strange. She is embarrassed.

Why would you be grateful your daughter is missing out on an experience, that everyone else in her school will be experiencing?? Seriously, let this go. You should have encouraged her TO GO, not squashed her.

i would at very least talk to her about wasting time and money like that- and don't do it again for her unless she promises to actually go next time. if she pulls this again i would not buy any more dresses. if she is the type of girl to get cold feet (nervous, insecure) then maybe this is just her personality and it was done without deviousness.... but just with the basic facts as you have given it sounds like she is possibly manipulating the situation. you know your daughter better than we do. there's nothing wrong with going with friends, many of us have done it and girls do it all the time. if that really was her concern, she's getting the wrong message about prom because there shouldn't be any shame in that. rather than worrying about her poor lil self esteem because you had the gall to ask about a date, i would worry more about the fact that she may be so insecure about going without a date that she'd rather not go. that's sad to me. sounds like a real opportunity for a teaching moment, at the very least. that's if she's not just manipulating you. but we can't answer that.

She should've checked with you first. Next time, I'd take the dress back myself vs letting her return it.

Have a conversation with her and tell her you noticed she did that twice. Ask her if she returned the dress or anything else, who the reimbursement really belonged to, no matter what form the reimbursement came in. Let her know you will always give her anything as long as she asks, and ask her if she feels she needs more money.

This way, you can let her see the error of her ways on her own without looking like you are accusing her of anything. If this happens again, I would tell her you may have a hard time trusting her or even buying her nice things anymore.

Slightly different thoughts here...

I think it's entirely possible that her and her friends were really planning on going, but as the date got closer (and they thought about how much THEY would have to spend) they decided against it.

If she returned the dress on her own (which is sounds like she would likely do since you don't live with her), then the store COULDN'T have put it back on your credit card because every time I've had a store do that, I had to swipe the card again.

That said, regardless of the circumstances, the money should be returned to you in whatever form it's currently in.

She didn't need a dress anymore since she wasn't going to prom so she shouldn't have done this. Just tell her you don't mind buying her something she needs in the future but that this was not acceptable to you. You can't be close to your daughter if you don't communicate your feelings to her,

The money should go back to you, even if it is a store credit. It is fine for her to change her mind about going, but she is responsible for giving you back the money you paid. You are right to notice a pattern and it is best to nip the problem in the bud, otherwise your daughter will see this as a way to get something from you without being honest about things. Just my opinion.

Is she a junior or senior?
My senior can't make a move without second guessing herself right now. It all started last year, about March, when I started pushing for colleges.
If this is the case let it go. She has a lot on her mind.

If she is a junior or younger I would say something to her and Dad. Let her know you love buying her whatever she needs, but not if she is going to return it all. And was it her idea or is Dad putting ideas in her head about these dances?

I would have a heart to heart talk with her the next time she wants you to buy her something. If you buy it and she returns it, it goes back on your credit card, not onto a store card for her. If she continues to do this she is being dishonest and you won't be willing to buy her things like before.

Give her another chance to show honesty, but be willing to set a boundary if she is abusing this.

So you're trying to convince yourself that twice in six months is a coincidence? Oops, mom shoulda got the few hundred dollars - I - teehee - forgot.

You sounds like a very smart lady. You're not buying affection - you're just setting the limit higher to the sh!t you'll swallow.

She's seeking attention, mom. Better pay her some!

I'd ask her what's going on. Explain u don't mind buying her te clothes but u want to know why she returns them n if she's going n than not going there's got to be something going on.

Seems like she got away with it the first time, then purposely requested the second dress knowing she would return it and spend the store credit. Not sure what I would do about it this time, but would definitely have the conversation that the money spend should have been returned to you, and she is not to do that again or there will be consequences.