What Would You Do? - Mesquite,TX

They had a hard time "letting" me move on with my life.

Does that mean you started/wanted to see other men and it bothered your deceased husband's family?

I can somewhat understand how you can miss visiting your husband's grave. However, he isn't there, his spirit and memory live on in your heart and with your children, he's always going to be with you and your kids.

I don't know if you made your first move after his death too soon, but I do know it's not a good thing to keep going back and forth. If his family caused some hard feelings when you were there, chances are those same problems would still exist.

WHEN you find a job things will improve no matter where you are. I would try to stay put where you are now for at least six months, unless that's just financially impossible. There are agencies where you are that could give you and your children some assistance.

I wish you and your children all the best....and will pray that you find a job and peace of mind.

Blessings....

You have to do what will make you happy. Once you are happy, you will make your kids happy and your life will change drastically and only you know where you will be happy.

Personally I would make it work where you are at and move onward and upward but I also recognize not everyone is like me.

Can you do kid swap with another mom? I do it with my friends. How old are your kids? I would be willing to do a kid swap if they are close in age to my kids. Send me a message and we can discuss things further.

I know how you feel, I moved to Texas all by myself just me and my 2 two old, 10 years ago because I needed a fresh start and a chance at life. I have never regretting it but have looked back a few times. Now 10 years later, I am remarried with a step daughter and my son. I know it is hard to foresee that greatness will come but it will, Good Luck!!

I am so sorry for your loss. I would go where I have the love and support of
family. If it is yours great, if it is his great. You do what you feel is right.
If your husbands family will not let you move on, that is a problem. Good
luck. I will keep you in my prayers.

The greatest gift you can give your children is stability. They have lost their father, and they don't want to lose their mother to stress and grief. You will never forget your husband but that does not mean you are required to visit his grave a certain number of times in order to prove it. Your husband would not want you and the kids to be miserable - I'm sure he would want you to LIVE in every sense of the word. To go back to his family, to people who were not supportive and from whom you intentionally moved away would not solve your problem.

If being with your own family would be more help than making a career where you are, fine. But it sounds like going backwards scares you. Not just the job situation in a small town, but the memories may not all be positive. You may be better off in a bigger area with more economic opportunities and your kids may be better off staying where they are and making friends - they need stability.

You left for a reason. If you go back, yes things will be cheaper, but the cost of living goes hand in hand with wage rate. Meaning - you will make less money! Go visit your husbands grave when you get a weekend to go. But be brave and stick it out here. You have moved to a great big world and are showing that great big world and all it's possibilities to your kids. Sure, you could get an ok job back there, but what opportunities await your kids when they grow up. They would probably have to move away from you to find work. That's much less likely here. Keep m oving forward. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Don't look backwards. As Dori says in Finding Nemo....Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

My father passed away when I was 18. It was really good for me to see my mom grieve and miss my dad, but it was also great to see her move on and find love again!

I know that if anything ever happened to my husband it would be so hard for me to be around his family (they are amazing and supportive) because they would remind me too much of him. I would never feel comfortable seeing other men.

I would find someone who can help out with the kids. Can you afford an afterschool sitter once a week? I took money out of our grocery budget just to have a high school student come over once a week (while I am home) so I can get things done. Do you have another mom you could swap with? What part of life is overwhelming? Can you pinpoint what exactly overwhelms and then let us help you come up with ideas?

I am so sorry for your loss and I think its great that you are trying to do what is best for you too, not just your family.

Go with your gut reaction and your heart--weigh the pros/cons and write them all out. It will help you make the best decision.

M

Go where you feel you will begin to thrive again.

I'm hearing a lot of confusion about whether to stay put or to go back.

It is totally natural for you to feel overwhelmed and over burdened and also normal for you to question your choices and doubt your answers given the stressful fact of losing your husband. You are human. Anyone one of us would be so stricken with grief that day to day operations would feel like huge hurdles.

I would imagine you and your children are receiving some type of survivor allowance and life insurance?

Stay still for awhile. I'm sorry being close to your husband's in-laws was not helpful. They are grieving too and probably displacing the pain of losing their son on you.

I don't know how far apart the 2 locations are, but I recommend you plan, perhaps on Father's Day, a trip back to his gravesite. And try to honor his memory in a way that is both manageable and affordable for you all. And perhaps you can include his family in that visit as well? Perhaps make it an annual pilgramage so to speak.

I'm keeping you and your little ones in my thoughts as you navigate a new life together

You loved your small town
You moved because of your husband, your husband is now dead.
You have two small children and no support
You are struggling financially and in school

You want comfortable living, family support with your children and the ability to visit your husband on occasion. I would move back closer to home for the sake of having the support, but I would not do so until you have secured your degree/diploma or until you have found a job in your small town.

Until then, make the best of where you are, plan ahead what you want to accomplish when you move back home and then move when it is convenient to do so. Travel back often to visit your husband's grave. Best of luck

First off, I'm sorry for your loss.
If it were me, I would first finish school. I would consider what is best for me. I wouldn't think about anyone else around me. What do I want? How do I feel? Do I like it here? or there? What is best for me?

You can't worry about how his family or my kids. Just feel how do you want to live?