What Would U do...issue W/ Sitter Today..

I know how you feel, but accidents happen. This has happened with me when I was watching my OWN child! Just tell her that it really scared you and ask her if this happens often. Is she CPR/First Aid certified?

Hi A., considering this is at least the 8th time you've asked what we would do about your clearly incompetant babysitter in the past 3 months.....

My answer is the same as the last 7 times, get a new babysitter!

:)

Wow, you stormed out? Seriously? How old are you? This kind of stuff could happen on your watch too. You need to apologize for your immature behavior. (If I were the sitter, I'D probably fire YOU!)

Okay, speaking as a provider.. This is my BIGGEST fear. BUT, I'd be extremely angry if anyone treated me that way. First of all, we aren't omnipresent. We can't LOOK at every child every couple of seconds. He could have found that in the creases of the couch. He could have had it in his hand and she missed it when she picked him up off the floor.

I sweep my floors several times EVERY day. I move the furniture around almost every single day to sweep under. I crawl around at the floor level to see what they see. But, my kids still come up with things. Toddlers are the best vacuum cleaners.

Part of me wants to say that you have every reason to be angry because most people do not take choking seriously enough. I could sit here all day and talk about the STUPID things parents do when bringing kids to daycare with tiny little balls, marbles, and money in their pockets and those STUPID hair barrets in the little girls hair. I see them bring tiny little toys that fit their pockets and easily could be swallowed. Usually, I'm the one trying to educate my daycare parents about choking hazards.

It sounds like you need to apologise for the way you handled it AND ask her to explain what her routine is for cleaning and looking for these hazards.

Please do keep this in mind too... I have actually had parents leave my care and complain that I clean too much because I so often have a broom in my hands when they pick up. Sometimes we simply can't win with parents.

I don't expect anything out of those who watch my kids that I don't expect out of myself.
Meaning- I can't possibly have my eyes and full attention on them 100% of the waking hours.
Maybe he got it when she answered the door? Who knows? Unless there are many small choking hazards all around, then she probably honestly doesn't know where it came from.
I know I've pulled some 'what the heck?' items out of my 3 kids' mouths in the past 11 years. My 6 year old would find some doozies!
Unless you've had other issues with her being lazy or neglecting, and your son doesn't seem happy, then I would give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure she is very sorry if she loves your son as a babysitter should. :)

I am a childcare provider for the past 21 years. I am going to answer this question from that standpoint. I do my very best to keep kids safe in my environment, not only meeting their "needs" but also taking the time to really know my children, likes, dislikes, learning how to comfort them, reading their body language, etc. I have 8 full-time children in my care. I take great pride in what and how I do my job. I too, like other posters, went back and looked at your history of daycare questions.

If I had a parent who came into daycare, fished sometime out of a child's mouth and then stormed out without any conversation about it, I would look into replacing that family immediately. There has to be a certain amount of communication between provider and parent that I am not sure exists with your current provider. Either you trust her or you don't. If you do, you must let her do her job and know that she is doing it to the best of her ability, even if she does make occasional mistakes. I caution you to "pick your battles" with her over your concerns. Daycare providers sometimes view that as overly picky and we get frustrated with it. If you don't, you must be compelled to change providers. I do not believe that she would place a dangerous object intentionally in her childcare, hoping that a child would put it in his/her mouth. Kids come to daycare ALL THE TIME with things in their pockets, hands, ect. that are small and inconspicuous and then drop them for other children to pick up. Daycare providers are not super-human. We do not have x-ray vision, we cannot anticipate that a child is going to bite, or fall and bonk their heads, get an unexplained scratch, skinned knee, bruises, ect. Children play, run into things, fight over toys, fall down, put things in their mouths. Most of us do the very best that we can to keep everyone safe and happy.

If you feel that you do not trust your childcare provider, replace her. But before doing that, examine her relationship with your child. Is she concerned about his wellbeing? Does she snuggle up to your child, kiss him, speak to him lovingly, seem genuinely concerned about his welfare. If you can honestly answer these questions in a positive way, I would rethink how you view her as a provider. It is very difficult to find a good provider, when you have one, do what it takes to hold onto her. Respect her. Understand that she has a very difficult, high energy job Everyone benefits from a positive relationship when it comes to daycare, especially your child! If you feel that she only takes care of your child for the paycheck, replace her.

On an additional note...most providers belong to childcare support groups within our communities and know many providers. When word gets around that a parent seems unreasonable or difficult to work with, none of us will touch that problem with a ten foot pole. We tend to view difficult parents as liability risks and don't take that chance.

I am not trying to be crabby, judgmental, intentionally harsh, or unfair. I am giving you what I deem as fair advice with compassion. The very best of luck to you!

I looked at some other questions and it seems clear that you are not comfortable with this situation and I think you are being unfair to your provider. This and the other questions you've asked are things that happen to us all and don't seem neglectful in the least. I think you should ask yourself why you seem to be having such a personal reaction to the sitter and why you are not being more proactive about changing this situation. What do you think you're really reacting too (maybe having to leave your baby)? I think you're putting your poor sitter in a lose-lose situation and I think it's in your baby's best interest that you cultivate a good relationship with her and if that's not possible find somewhere new to leave him.

This same thing happens at home all the time. You dont see them put it in there but all of a sudden you can tell they have something in their mouth. Sometimes we dont see it and they actually swallow it and it comes out in their poop and we NEVER even know it happened. I'm sure your sitter feels bad, but I'm also sure that she would have glance at him and noticed and probably would have taken care of it.... The timing was just wrong.
OR it could be a sign, if you really dont like the way she takes care of your son, pay her what you owe her and find someone new. If you've been looking for reasons to fire her this could be your reason. If you are looking for reasons to quit your job and be a SAHM I dont think this incident warrants that.
Trust me, you will hurt your child way more times than a babysitter will. Little accidents happen all the time.
When you face her in the morning just appologise for being so upset but remind her that he likes to put stuff in his mouth and for her to please be more aware because he can be sneaky. I'm sure she will be much more alert from here on out.

Hi, Honey:
Apologize for your behavior. We all make mistakes. You were there and recognized that the child had something in his mouth.

I am sure she felt shame with your response.

Apologize for your behavior and tell her why you were upset. Then allow her to apologize as well.
Good luck.
Thanks for asking for a solution to resolve this conflict.
D.

As a toddler teacher in a daycare setting there are times children come in with things in their pockets (change - my biggest pet peeve!!, small choking toys, hard candy, cute little barrettes) that even though the parents may thing they are old enough to handle that doesn't mean that the child next to them is! Or that their child really should have that item or that the parent even knew about it! and when do I find out about it - usually when I'm trying to change someone else's diaper or cleaning up a meal, or tending to a bite (and that list goes on and on!!). In that case I usually take the item and tape it to their daily note and leave a note and/or talk to the parent about it being a choking hazard so I had to take it away. I haven't read your other questions, but in this case it is quite possible she had no clue where it came from. (When I was 1, I found a penny on the floor at home with my SAHM and almost choked to death. It can happen to anyone)
Without knowing your other issues with the provider I would say make a simple apology for leaving abruptly and that you realize after thinking about it that situation can happen to anyone. Maybe even going as far to say that you realize know you should update your CPR is she current on hers? (my employer requires it of all of us!)

I wouldn't wait until the morning, that just leaves overnight for you both to stew in it. I would call her and tell her you're sorry for storming out and you could've/should've handled it better but were very upset and needed a time out to cool down in order to speak rationally about the situation. In all honesty, it could happen to any of us. I'm pretty much a neat freak and have been called a helicopter Mom. I too worry about my four y/o's toys and other objects making their way into my 8 m/o's mouth. If she has been providing decent care of your son up to this point then just be honest with her and tell her how scared you were, your son could have choked to death. It's all together possible that she was next to the babies but also tending to the other children there getting ready for pickup. If on the other hand you've experienced other issues and have your doubts about her caring for your child properly then find another daycare provider.

I know you are upset...and it scared you terribly. You have every right to that feeling.

Honestly, though, I would be so pleased that she was sitting with the kids and interacting with him (even if she didn't notice right away). There is no way humanly possible you can watch two kids every second. So many sitters and providers have so many things to do...at least she was right there to assist if anything did happen. I would be much more upset if the same thing happened, and she was off in the other room talking on the phone, watching tv, or just being inattentive. Kids can pick up something in the blink of an eye no matter how vigilant you are.

I would cool off, assume your child did just nab something a moment before you came in, talk to her about how distraught you were, and apologize for your reaction. Things happen...unfortunately even the most observant parent or caregiver will miss something or not anticipate every mishap...you deal with it, and move on. If you are comfortable with her, take a step back remember we are human, and forgive.

She's not someone I would have wanted watching my children. I think the question you have to ask yourself is "why am I going back in the morning?"

If it is true that you have numerous concerns about your babysitter, it is time to get a new one. Your child only has you to protect him. Please do not wait until you get a phone call to get to the hospital.

You need to find a new sitter, not because of this incident, but because it has become apparent to me over the few short months that I have been on here, that you are unhappy with her. Every time I see a babysitter post, I automatically look to see if it's your name, and it is.

Do yourself a favor, and find someone else! I don't know if such a person exists to meet your high criteria, but I do wish you good luck in finding someone who can. You need someone who is going to be a one on one caregiver for your child, and even then, I am not sure your expectations are entirely reasonable.

I do wish you luck though, you deserve someone that will make you happy and not as stressed as you have managed to become over your current situation.

That’s a tough one! I’m sure she feels really bad. I almost hate to admit that happened with my baby when he was with me! I felt so horrible!

My sister’s 1 yr old swallowed a nickel when she turned her back for a second. She beat herself up over that for awhile.

It happens.

However, if you truly feel she is just plain neglectful, you should find another sitter.

By the way, I would be just as upset.

I would have been so upset and probably would have left the same way as you did, it is VERY irresponsible of her to not pay attention to what your son puts in his mouth. Her job is to make sure that your son is safe when in her care and obviously she is not doing that, he could have choked.
I would honestly talk to her about it and would NOT apologize for storming out of her house. If I were you I would start looking for another babysitter since she seems to be too busy watching TV to pay attention to your son, I mean that's what she is getting paid for, isn't it?
I also have a daughter and I am always paying attention to what she has in her mouth. I also vacuum the house and clean so I make sure choking hazards are not laying around for her to pick up, you are NOT overreacting at all, I mean is your son and your job is to make sure he is safe, and he is obviously not safe with this irresponsible babysitter.

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I would be upset to, but you should always handle things in a calm professional manner. When I was young I got a nickle stuck in my throat because I knew I was not suppose to have money so put it in my mouth, it got stuck in my throat and had to go to the ER. That happened with my mom there, she turned around for a split second.

Someone can not be watching your child every split second but I truly hope that this lady feels bad and reassures you that your child is in a safe environment. Things like this can happen to the best parent, babysitter and daycare worker, you just have to do the best you can to overcome it, take a close look at if there are other things around that could cause this same situation, do something about it and move on.

You need to feel comfortable with her watching your child. Are you going to be worrying all the time now? If so it might be time to search for a new babysitter, from previous posts you might be best with finding someone new... or rethink what you expect from a babysitter and how you handle things.

i would be mad! i dont think you were immature or anything. even if she was on the phone she should be paying attention to the children in her care. what if one of the kids fell off the couch. i would find another sitter.

You have asked many times about what to do about this sitter. You don't like her and are not happy with her. I too get the feeling that you wont like her no matter what she did...and sometimes people are just like that. BUT no one here can make this choice for you. It's almost like you are waiting for us all to tell you to fire her(many have). I want to know what your hubby thinks of all these problems?

Unless she needs your money to live she might just let you go. Give her a call and tell her why you were so mad. I would have been upset, but it really could have happened on anyone's watch. So if your not happy and do not trust this person......get a new baby sitter. Its that simple.

Hi,

I understand your frustration and anger around this. First, I would call her and speak with her. Tell her that you are sorry that you stormed out but you were really upset and you want to talk to her about it. Tell her that you need to feel like she is really watching everything he puts in his mouth and ask her to please be more watchful. Was she watching tv? Does she have cpr/first aid etc? If she doesn't, she needs to.....Before you leave your son with her you need to feel absolutely comfortable with her caring for him---make sure you clear the air. Did she apologize or anything?? If you feel like he isn't being watched properly, get a new sitter! Good luck and sorry that this happened.
M

My Mom has ran an in home daycare for almost 30 years and out of respect & perception of her parents, she hangs up as soon as she sees or hears them...Its like youre their boss, and just as you would hang up if your boss walked into your office, she does too. Its not that her being on the phone would keep her from doing her job, its the perception. If this is a consistant concern then pull him. If you feel you have to question it or dont feel right, find another sitter. Tomorrow just carry on as normal. I dont think you need to apologize, you were upset and rightly so. As soon as he puts things in his mouth she should be aware, thats her job. I agree that this could happen on your own watch but this is someone you are paying to care for and watch your child as a job, when you're at home there are other things you are getting done. @ Bobbi I really dont think that was a cool comment, if something happened to your child that you didnt like you either 'fight' by saying something, or 'flee' avoiding the confrontation. Im actually surprised that response went over with so many other mommas...what should she have done if she was that upset she felt she needed to leave?

I've read over all your responses and I have to say that I think I agree that your child should be in a daycare center -- not in this home you are completely unhappy with. I also think you overreacted and you need to learn to keep that in check. Your child sees how you react to things. Be calm.

So.... what happened? Did you go back today? We're all waiting to hear....

I agree with Theresa N. 100%. All the posts you have made with issues about your babysitter make it very clear that you need to find a new caretaker for your child.

Was your sitter watching TV (or texting or on facebook) or was she watching the babies?