What to Do When Your Child Is Left Out?

Plan to do something else with her that's fun that day. Not everyone can be invited to every party.

how heartbreaking for you as a mom :(

i would not mention it to her - but make plans (and tell her ahead of time) to do something really cool that day - zoo, theme park, bowling, something she'll be able to get excited about it. circle it on the calendar and talk to her about it, hopefully she'll be excited and when/if she hears about the party, it won't be such a let down.

I have a daughter who is just about to turn 8 and one who just turned 6. Even though I would LOVE to include EVERYONE of my daughters' friends I just can't. I would just tell your daughter that her friend had to make some very hard decisions but it doesn't mean that they aren't friends. I told my 6yo that she could invite 4 friends to her party and it hurt because she didn't want to leave anyone out but we had to make the decision. What I did was put names in a basket and she pulled them out and that is how she got her 4. For my daughter who is turning 8 I am not sure how we are going to handle it but she wants to invite like 20+ girls.

The best thing to do now is to stay quiet about it. Maybe there is a logical explanation. Maybe the girl was only allowed to invite a small amount of people. Just because your daughter didn't make the list, doesn't mean they can't be friends. Just be prepared to be there to console her if she finds out and gets upset.

You know, not being invited is tough, but please try to see the other side as well. For example we live in a tiny house and our means are limited, We cannot host more than a handful of people (SERIOUSLY our entire home is 700 sq ft!) and we do not have the money to throw a party at a rented facility for all 20 kids in my daughter's preschool class. So we have to make decide who can come and who cannot...
Maybe the situation here is a little different, but maybe they have decided to keep it small this year. Or maybe there has been a shift in the other girl's social circle.
Rejection is heartbreaking, but dealing with it is important to learn! This is a lesson in "sometimes people are not who we think they are" and "sometimes people aren't friends".
Personally I would take her to to something especially fun that day, or let her have a playdate with another friend who was not invited.
Good Luck!

Sometimes the other mom is friends with the other mothers. Sometimes the other mom doesn't know that they are good friends. Sometimes other mother is jealous of you (you are probably cuter and more attractive anyway) and/or one of a million other things. OR maybe the invitation was lost or never sent or so on...The point is it does hurt, acknowledge that and do something special with your daughter and perhaps another left out friend (?) or even just you and her that you can remind her of. It would be somewhat uncomfortable to go up and ask why not, and even as an adult I was overlooked for my nephews 30th birthday! I don't think I was greatly missed but it did hurt a little after I found out. After all let me just say no. Well, back to your daughter. Life is filled with these things as hard as they are and we have times when we cannot understand. Sometimes there is never an answer. Just hug your daughter and say yes, it hurts, if that comes up. There will be lots of parties in life.

As most people said this is just something everyone has to deal with. I really mean everyone. There is not one kid out there that is invited to every single party. I know with my daughter we did something a little creative this year so we could invite a bigger group of people and still couldn't invite her whole class. I leave the guest list up to her- but try to encourage her to be fair (you can't invite all the girls in your class except one, etc). She's in a mixed class 1/2 Kindergarten and 1/2 1st grade. We invited all the girls and the younger boys plus a couple friends from other schools. If she isn't invited to a party I just say remember when you had to choose? She seems to understand that. Oh- she's 7. I wouldn't call the other mom - maybe they can't afford a big party and it could get awkward. I doubt it's because the mom doesn't like you or I hope not anyhow. Sometimes it's just about space and $ and even close friends get left off the list. It doesn't mean the girls won't be friends again on Monday morning. I wouldn't worry too much about it. If she's sensitive, tell her it's ok to be upset that she couldn't participate, but not to feel left out on purpose (sorry if that didn't make sense). This is a tough age for figuring out who your close friends are. Good luck. K

Lots of good advice here. One more idea: after she understands that this happens sometimes, etc., make a special plan to do something while the party is going on. Maybe a special date with you or the family or another friend who isn't going to the party. It will give her her own special thing to look forward to and drive home the idea that when one door closes, another opens and life goes on...

I would just ask if there was a problem. It could have been an oversight on the mothers part or there could be a problem that you need to be aware of. The only way to know is to ask.

Given this situation, I would try to assume that it wasn't intentional and call the Mom to see if maybe your daughter's invitation got lost. Let her know that you heard that there was a party and that you wondered if your daughter had lost the invite. IF it's awkward you will know that it was intentional and you try to protect your daughter but calling is the best way as there is still a chance that your daughter can go.

Good luck. I hope it works out. You have nothing to lose my calling.
N.

I wouldn't make a big deal about it. My daughter gets invited (and attends) tons of parties throughout every school year, but when her birthday arrives, she usually wants to do something small with just a handful of friends who all sleep over. She can't invite everyone just because she was invited to their party. Some kids have big parties in their home/yard where they can invite lots of kids, or have a big party at a place like Chuck E Cheese or Monkey Joes or the skating rink where they purchase a party package and have a certain number of kids they invite....regardless of all of that, though, there will be many more parties in her life when she is not invited. Teach her to suck it up and not take it personally because on the flip side there will be other parties where she IS invited.

Was the invitation possibly lost? I would definitely ask the girls mother if I were you.

I wouldn't bring it up. There can be so many reasons why a child is or is not invited a party. We are as parents probably more hurt than they are.
In Kindergarten we included my daughters whole class as they all got along great, in 1st grade we pared it down as I didn't want to pay for 25 kids from her 1st grade class and handful that weren't included that she wanted from Kindergarten, so I limited it to 10, and then in 2nd grade some of those traits come out where you find out who has manners, who might actually start to become the smaller groups of "cliques", it was then that I paired it to 7 invitees plus my child, she really thought about it and I was surprised at who she chose. The day the invites were sent I said you don't play with those kids and she replied but one of them gave me a bracelet yesterday and another had let her have cuts in line. So instead of making this an issue, choose other battles such as meaness, endangerment and lying. If brought up the only thing that may result is an unfelt apology to you and then a "can you believe so and so was so petty" going around. Let it go and your child will to.

Unfortunately things like this are going to happen and eventually she may even find out. It might help to find out from the girl's mother as to why your daughter was not invited so that you can plan what to say if your daughter should find out about the party. I would not bring it up unless she does.

I'm actually going to have to deal with this situation pretty soon. My daughter will be turning 6 in a couple of months and, or course, we will be having a party for her. She is very popular and has a lot of friends but, unfortunately, due to finances, we can't invite everyone that she would like to invite. Even if she only invite 8 of her closest friends to her party, those friends usually have siblings and parents that will attend the party as well.

I agree that you should take your daughter some place special on the day of the party -- out for a manicure, to the movies, or on a girl's shopping trip. If she does find out about it, explain to her that sometimes friends can't invite all of their friends to their birthday parties even though they may like that friend very much.

I hope this helps.

I wouldn't bring it up to her unless she does first. If you make it a "big deal" that you need to console her about, she spend more time worrying about it and feel worse. Try not to feel slighted. If the subject comes up, I always tell my kids that everyone does birthdays their own way. Not everyone has a party or a big party, and no one owes them an invitation. Simply, you won't be invited to every party, and that's OK. If she is really sad over it, I agree with the others that say get her involved in making her own fun plans for that day, so she feels she has some control over creating fun for herself.