What to Do When They Just KEEP Pushing Your Buttons????

I have a 3.5 and 1.5 year old, a 1 year old dog, a 4 year old dog and a 4 month old puppy. And my husband is currently deployed. Honey, I know how you feel. When I reach my breaking point, usually caused ny my 3.5 year old, I just put her in her bed for a quiet time, no toys, nothing. I put the dogs in their crates and turn on a work out video. IT helps me channel the frustration and be productive. With you just having a baby, please don't work out, try yoga. Or clean. That is another thing I do when I get mad. When Nate is home and he walks in and sees the house spotless, he knows one of the kids got on my nerves that day. As a mom, we are expected to be the ones that take care of house, dog and kids and sometimes it is really overwhelming, but don't let it get you down, make the best of it and move on. My kids get 2 warnings and then it is to bed. My 1.5 year old even knows what a warning is. He is a lot better about not pushing me than my daughter is. Good luck

I think Dyreka said it very well, so I will just add a little.

I've been using the 1,2,3 warning system since my oldest (now 4) was a pre-verbal toddler. I didn't read a book, but I've seen one recommended that describes the system in detail (called 123 Magic, I believe.) I just told my daughter that I was going to count to 3 and if she was still xxxxxx, then I would have to XXXXX. After a pause I would count slowly and put up the appropriate # of fingers. Even a pre-verbal toddler gets the concept. = )

I agree with Dyreka that the MOST important thing you MUST do is follow through on any consequence you threaten them with. (No tv, no treat, no special toy, no playdate, no outing, etc.) As she said, if they learn that you will not do what you say, they will just ignore whatever you say (and rightfully so.) You also need to stay calm and be matter-of-fact about it: "I told you that if you did/didn't xxxxx, that I would XXXXXX. Next time please listen to Mommy so that I don't have to do XXXX."

It is important for you to think a little in advance of what you will hold as a consequence, and how those consequences will also escalate or pile up if their bad behavior continues. Take the time to do this once in a while so that you won't be fumbling at the moment when you need to tell them one. Also, if you think them out in advance, then you will be less likely to say something that will be difficult for you or *on* you to follow through with.

Since my daughter was about 3, I've been able to just hold up fingers, 1, 2, and 3 if necessary, to do the count, so I don't even have to say anything out loud (works great when we are in church or a theater!) She knows that if I get to '3' that whatever I said will happen, WILL HAPPEN. I do believe that as a result I have a far nicer kid whose meltdowns are over far quicker and whose behavior as a whole is much better. On the flip side, I try to be consistent the other way as well - if I promise her a treat, even if she forgets, I will follow through on it.

I use the 123 system in conjunction with time-outs - they are often a consequence. I have also found that sometimes the most effective time-out is not of my child, but of her favorite toy of the moment (not necessarily the one she's playing with at the time of the incident.) She *really* dislikes losing the 'control' over HER toy. = )

Good luck!

Hi J.,
First off, every Mom loses their patience. Its just a fact, so don't be too hard on yourself.

I agree with the others. Consistancy is the key to controlling the situation. Perhaps create a chart that they can see and understand. My son's school uses the red light system. Green light means everything is good. Yellow light means no free time, red light means stay in from recess. You can use this method to adapt it to your life. '1 mark means ...', '2 marks means...'. Kids are mostly visual learners so a chart helps keep them in the loop and us consistant.

Remember to follow through on the consequence, and let any visitors/neighbors know too. We let our babysitter, grandparents, etc know when our son has lost his game time, and for how long. That way he can't just go over to their house...

Remember that a consequence effects you too. If there is a tv show that I really want to watch before my son's bedtime, I think long and hard before using that as a punishment :-)

Another thing that helps is removing them from the room where they are misbehaving. The kitchen table works well for most situations. If there is fighting over the tv, it gets turned off and everyone goes to the kitchen to find a different activity, etc.

Most of the time, my son's meltdowns happen while in the public eye. I used to get all frustrated, and embarassed. I still get frustrated, but I try to keep my calm. I'm not the one causing a scene, he is. I calmly ask him 'What would your teacher think if she saw you right now?' If that doesn't work, I remove him from the store to the car.
Good luck.
M.

Hey J.!! Thank you for sharing your story!!! I am a mother of 4 kids so I know how you feel and what you go through from time to time. What do I do when my kids keep being in disobeidence??? God says that if you spare the rod, you spoil the child. (Proverbs 13:24) I am teaching my kids "1st time obedience", meaning, I will not keep repeating myself. I also remind them that obeying is the right thing to do b/c God says for them to obey us. (Ephesians 6:1 and Colossians 3:20) And that God is always watching. But if they continue to push my buttons girl, I pull out the rod, and this helps so much!!!! All it takes is putting some "umf" into your voice and meaning what you say instead of using threats that we sometimes don't carry out. And the kids will start to notice that pattern. They'll think we won't do it b/c we'll say it and we actually don't so they don't take us serious. I found another way that helps is when you take away something from them that they really really like. That will cause them to obey you as well. Well J. I pray that this helps girl and I promise you in time you will start to see the difference!! Take care and be blessed!!
P. :)