What to Do About Running Across the Street and Another Issue

With my oldest son, we worked with him about rules. We would go walking outside on the sidewalk, and if he got too far in front of me, I would say, "That's too far. Come back." and he did. If he didn't, he had to hold my hand until we got to where we were going.

When we came to the street, we taught him to look both ways. We also showed him how quickly cars can come, and we showed him what happened to leaves, etc that were in the street when cars came past. That was both really cool and really scary to him, so he doesn't run across the street anymore by himself. Parking lots, either. He knows that he has to hold hands.

It worked for us. I hope it can work for you, too!

When we go out the door the 3 year olds hand is in mine, when we get out of the car his hand is in mine. The rule is "Parking lots and streets means hold hands with a grown up". Event eh 6 year old knows to grab on in Wal-Mart parking lot.

I know lots of parents who thinks it's odd to hold a child's hand like this but I have had to run into traffic to grab a child just one time and that was all it took for me to figure out they don't have a clue about safety and I cannot live with myself if they get hurt by my not being the boss and saying hold hands.

I agree with Dawn. I started teaching my kids the boundaries of our yard as soon as they could walk. I told them that if they stepped onto the sidewalk without permission, they would be spanked. Yes, spanking your kid is heartbreaking sometimes, but I'd rather them hurt for a little while than be killed by a car.
Also, I went on lots of walks with my kids and enforced the rule of hand-holding whenever we cross the street. My kids have had this drilled into their heads so much now that they will come grab my hand as we approach a street or are in a parking lot.
It takes lots of consistency, but she will learn!

Practice, Practice, Practice! As soon as she dashes for the street yell STOP... and if need be chase/get her... then tell her that it is VERY important to ask before going somewhere AND practice crossing the street the correct way... Stop, Look, Listen... We started this when my daughter was 3 years old and within months she understood the safety issue BUT I prcaticed with her on our walks, when a ball would go in the street, in the parking lot. I would say it out loud and she had to mimic what I did. Now at 4 years old she says and does it because she knows the safety risks through all our talks. Punishment to me on this one is hard because you have to teach the child the safety, punishing them for something that they have not been taught is not usually helpful (just makes everyone upset instead of learning about the safety). The first few times when I did have to grab my daughter from the street I did cry for the "what if" and I told my daughter why I was crying and that is why it is important to ALWAYS ask for permission to go somewhere and ALWAYS important to practice safety when around/crossing the street.

With the kid that says "I do not like you" that happens a lot. In my daughter's preschool I hear it almost daily when I pick up my daughter. The kids at this age are still trying to figure out how to properly experss themselves as well as playing with other kids properly. If my daughter wanted to play with someone but they said "I do not like you" I simple told her that maybe the child needed space and did not want to play. It is ok to feel that way so find something else to do. If you do not want your daughter to get "hurt" by this then stop having them play together till their are older and try again.... otherwise remind your daughter that others do not always want to play together and you can not force it.

Maybe seeing her mom cry did the trick.

I think your headed in the right direction for your daughter. I guess the only other things I would do was hold her hand as your walking out the door then when you see the child firmly remind her she is not allowed to cross the street without an adult. I would also not let her play in the front yard, if its a case where she is out there then they come out and she runs. I would only let her play in the backyard until she learns the rules.

About the friend, I would try to talk to the mom. If that doesn't help, I would probably try to protect my daughter and keep her away the best I can from that friend. If its a constant issue whenever your daughter is over there, I see no point to keep subjecting your daughter to it.

I have a 19 year old son that still doesn't look! I think it is in the makeup of some people. If yesterday didn't scare her into compliance then you know she can't help it. So.....consider playing in the backyard and at parks. If you can't get to her fast enough in the front yard that would be your safest option.

If you know that she cannot stop her impulse to run, you might consider a leash when she is in the front yard. Before you go out or get out of the car, the leash goes on her arm or harness. Serves as a reminder to her that the safey issue is absolute, no exceptions, no do overs. She will learn quickly, and if she can't, you have gained control over her. I could not care less who thinks leashes are horrible, when mine runner was young, it was the only way that I could make her safe, and my live kid out ranked thier outrage.

I would keep my child away from the older child that does not like her. If you can't, when the other child says something mean, explain to her that the child does not have to play with her, but that you want her to remember how she feels when that child is mean about it so that she never, ever treats someone she does not wish to play with like that. Tell her that how she makes people feel is more important that whether or not she plays with them, and that she should pay attention to how that other child handles it, because that is not how you want her to act. It is an effective teachable moment for your daughter, so that she gets something out of it. Also, thank the mom for saying that this is inappropriate behavior.

M.

I have a slightly different perspective on the older girl. My dd is 6; there is a 4 yo little girl who's brother plays soccer with my son so the girl is always at practice. She's cute, but very immature; pesters everyone, takes things without asking, etc etc - and my daughter really doesn't like to play with her. I've told dd to be nice & polite and include the girl in some activities, but this kid is persistent and doesn't take no for an answer, she wants to be my daughters shadow all.the.time. In our situation it would really help if the parents would step up and realize that their kid is wearing on our patience and redirect the child. Take a good look and make sure that your daughter isn't inadvertently making things worse; if she is then remove your daughter from the situation before it deteriorates to the "I don't like you" stage, then both girls will have a chance to get along better and might even become better friends.

Hi, Diane:
How can you separate the problem from the child.

Identify the problem or greatest concern for you.
Be like an investigative reporter.
Your concerns are usually voiced in terms of the more pressing experiences of daily life.
Your concerns may be expressed as a sense of personal failure and inadequacy.
Build an expose of the character of the problem, its operations and activities, and the purposes that inform these operaions and activities.

In other words, externalize the problem of your child running away find out all you can about the problem as noted above. You will find your solution.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
D.

This is so simular to what happen when my boy, at 3, ran off. I am always teased by the neighbors for being to watchful, or being to clingy or whatever the word is to use when you are hovering over your child, following down the the block even if you can still see them. There 3 year old which is younger than my son, seemed to know better, plus she had two older brothers to keep track of her, but my son didn't seem to know better.

The one day I decided to talk to the neightbor, and let my son play with her kids, thinking okay he will be fine, I don' t need to be right on his tail, was when he ran off. They went over near my house, which was behind me where I was standing, I guess the kids wouldn't play with him, or wouldn't let him do something, so when they walked off with out him he decided to go find his own fun.

I didn't know it for a short while that he had run off till the kids came back and he wasn't with them. Freeked out I yelled for him couldn't find him. Myself, my next door neighbor and the neighbor down the street who too had kids, all helped search. One down the alley, one around the short side of the block and myself around the long way.

I found him on the other side being held by some other girl. She wouldn't even give him back to me, said she had called the cops, because a 3 year old should not be on the other side of the block. Well Duh. I knew this, and it wasn't like I wasn't looking for him. I was so worried about him, and once the cop go there, he reassured me I wasn't the only parent whos children had run off like that. He said his children had all at one time done the same.

I took him inside that time. Gave him a good talking to, made him lay down for his nap early. When daddy got home, I was like okay I will take him back out side, and I won't take my eyes off him.

One of the neighbor boys wanted me to look at something, so I took one glance over then back again and he was gone. This time I knew how he got to the other side so fast so I ran, told my hubby he ran of, then ran after him, barefoot, he had dashed his way though the ally to the other side of the block, but this time, he had ran across the street, almost hit by a lady in a big ol suburban who yelled at me. I could not catch up to him. He was to fast and thought it was some big game.

Had it not been a lady driving down the other street that stopped and got out to head him off I would not have been able to catch up with him before he crossed another. I was so mad, so upset, I was crying. I was petrified. And he got it good from daddy.

What I did the next time I too him outside, and this may seem mean, but I put a belt around his waist and basicaly put him on a short leash so he could not run off again. He didn't like it one bit. becuase he couldn't go where he wanted to. I did that for a couple of days just to teach him a leason. And I think it worked becuase he doesn't do it anymore.

Also every time I take him for a walk I stop and make him look both ways, tell him he best not run out in the street or he will get hurt. I use my dads old expressio he used with me. You go out there like that, you will get squished into a pancake and you will never get to see mummy again. Seems mean but seems to work.

Now he is always yelling at the other kids who are crossing the street not to go out ther cus they will get hurt.

Hi. I may get alot of negitive attention from this answer, but just a few months ago I was holding a hand of a 5 yr old that was laying on the middle of out street bleeding after being hit by a car. If you have tried time-outs etc and they haven't worked it's time for three well placed smacks on the butt! I DO NOT advocate spanking/beating children I was an abused child myself and believe me when I tell you spanking has never been high on my list of disapline measures. But when it comes to life & death situations and nothing else has worked... controlled spanking with an open hand on a clothed behind is very effective. One of the only times I ever spanked one of my three girls was for the very same situation...running out onto the street. She is 18 and going to college now....and she still doesn't run out onto a street nor was there any "damage" done to her personality from her spanking.

As for the child that doesn't like yours....kids have personalitites and they don't always like one another. Just like adults. And just like adults they need to learn that they don't have to like everyone, but they do have to be polite and use their manners when situations arrise that they have to deal with people they don't like. I suggest you respect the other child's right not to like yours and limit contact. Good luck and best wishes