What to Do About Kids???

What exactly do you mean? You guys always stay home to be with them and you can't go out anywhere? Do you feel comfortable leaving them home alone for a few hours so you and hubs can go out, just the 2 of you? Can they each spend the night at a friend's house?

Hard to comment much without more details. But I would stop trying to "make everyone happy" until you spend some time and effot making yourself happy first. So many women feel such a need to please everyone around them and be everything to everybody - it's impossible, and you should not beat yourself up for not being perfect. Also, you need to sometimes make your marriage a priority - the kids should be able to deal. I am fond of 2 sayings:

1. "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

2. "I can only please one person today. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking too good either."

They are at an age where you should be able to be totally honest. You can say it in a light hearted way and they can be a part of helping you guys come up with a compromise. For instance:

Long ago, in a land far, far away your dad and I fell in love. We spent all kinds of time together, talking and hanging out like you do with your friends. Since then we have gotten busier and busier and busier and we hang out less and less and less. We really need to spend more time together, so we would like a couple of nights a week to hang out. We can hang out in our room, in the living room, or wherever. Then a couple nights a week we can all hang out together. Can you help me work out a schedule?

They are old enough to understand what you need and the honesty will help them not take it personally or feel rejected. Many times we have told our kids, "Mom and Dad need to spend some time together."

Hope this helps,

L.

Seriously. One thing at a time.
Do your children have friends?
Individually, I mean. Not together.

Sleepovers at friends' homes are a marvelous way . . .
1) a treat for the kid; 2) an opportunity to have time without the kids.
You would then host the friend(s) for a sleepover on some other occasion.

So . . . see if you can arrange some sleepover events for your kids.
Use the time they are away for some special time alone with hubby.
Do your kids ever visit, for example, grandparents?
Uncles, aunts?

Next . . . . you might want to consider a Marriage Enrichment weekend.
Google "marriage enrichment" with your location.

Good luck!

S.

Bedtime. That's my answer. At 14 and 12, they probably want to sit where the grown ups sit during times when there are groups. I don't know that you can do anything about that except say "the grown ups are talking, can you guys go somewhere else". However, at home, on a normal night, you can have bedtime. Call it room time, call it alone time, call it whatever you want, but send them to their rooms at like 8:00 or 8:30 every night so you and hubby have some time alone before bed. It wont' scar them, but it will give you grown up time. My kids are 10 & 8 (& 2), but I still send them to bed at around 8PM so we get some alone time. Even at 14, he doesn't have to go to sleep, just be in his room, playing cards, reading a book, listening to music, etc.

If they have friends, push sleep-overs, preferably at the others home, but even at your home. If it's at your house, they will be occupied with their friends. Rent them some movies, get fun snacks.. Anything to get some hubby and you time! My kids are 4 and 2 months, so bedtime is the only time we get!

If your kids want to be around you constantly at 12 and 14 LET THEM! Believe me, at those ages, who could be a better influence on your kids than YOU. Look at other 12 and 14 year old kids and see what they are doing.....alcohol, drugs, sex....your kids could be hanging out with those kids doing who only knows what. Idle time for kids is the devil's workshop. You and your husband might have to settle for a quick, quiet dinner together or private times alone after the kids are asleep. It might be an inconvenience, but it's worth it to have your kids with you. If I was you, for the next 5 years, I would want my kids with me as much as possible.

just make time.... like at 14 he should be able to stay at home.. with the 12 yr. old.. and you and hubby can go out.... have dinner.. shut the cell phone off... tell them to call the neighbor if they need help.. tell them that you won't be able to pick up the phone.. tell them you have an appt... or whatever.. you both need time to be with each other.. even if it's just a walk... the 14 and 12 year old need to get out too... make a playdate for the kids... see if they can go over friends.. then you two go out.. of just stay home for some bedroom time... good luck