First of all, let me start by saying my father and I have been estranged for 11 years and we have no contact. My mother is in her late 70s and has been divorced from my father for 30 years. He has been remarried to another woman for 29 of those years. They do not speak at all and haven't since I turned 18.
About six months ago, she started getting phone calls from a collections agency. They always call and ask for my father's current wife. On the first call, my mother told them that the woman they are calling for does not live there. The agent was very rude and hung up.
Over that next month or so, a couple of collections agencies called at least 6 or 7 times. There were several other calls to the house where she did not answer. (They never state their name or who they are with- I googled the phone number on the caller id. This is how I found out the origin of the calls.) She has told them that the woman they are looking for is her ex-husband's wife and she has no contact. She demands each time they call that they remove her from their call list, but they persist despite her request. Some are polite and others are rude. The calls stopped for a while, and have recently started back up again.
To make matters worse, mail for my father has started coming to the house quite consistently. She tried putting it back in the mail as "return to sender" but it comes right back to her house.
What can she do to stop the calls permanently? Also, is there something she can do at the post office to stop the mail coming to her house addressed to him? She feels harassed and it really aggravates her. I realize she could change her number, but she refuses. I don't blame her either- I wouldn't change my phone number of 40 years for this reason either. I am also tempted to get a copy of her credit report to make sure there hasn't been any suspicious activity.
Advice on what I can do to help her out here?
Thanks for all the advice. I didn't know you had to mark out the barcode! I will tell her to that. The interesting thing is that some of the mail looks to be very important- medicare and what not. I told her just to trash it- if it was too important, they would have the right address. As for the calls- she isn't the greatest with the whole caller id tracking. She thinks it might be a doctor calling, and picks up. I told her just to hang up immediately.
My father and his wife are such lowlifes. It wouldn't surprise me if his wife was putting my mother's address on credit applications and such. My father's wife has gotten into serious credit card debt in the past and they had to file bankruptcy. I am going to do a credit check just to make sure all is well. Thanks again.
You can stop the calls with an unpublished number-contact the post office about the mail-they will help you.
I would check her credit, just to be safe.
Seriously, let it go. When they call, say, "No one here by that name," and give no other information. Don't explain that she is the former wife and they are asking for the new wife. Don't tell them that she doesn't live there. Don't admit you even know the person. Just say, "Sorry, no one here by that name." If it becomes to much, just hang up. If they ask for the new wife, just hang up the phone. I think she's waisting her time and energy trying to make them stop. Just ignore them and don't let it bother you.
As far as the mail goes, tear it up and throw it away. It is not her responsibility to do anything with it. Treat it as you would a credit card application or a solicitation you don't want. Pitch it.
It sounds like she is allowing this to upset her, and that's just so sad. It's not something she can control, so just ignore it. I think she will be a lot happier if she just pretends it doesn't bother her. If she does that, I think it won't be too long before it really doesn't bother her.
Blame the internets.
Ever do a search for your dads name? I bet on one of the people finding sites - his name pulls up a relationship to your mom. I can search my name and find my mom, sister, and wife.
I have to side with the "change the number".
Your mom can be happy, or she can be right. Rarely can she be both at the same time.
Nothing I know of will stop the calls altogether. I live in a different state from my bil, one he has never lived in, and I get calls from creditors for him. I tell them that he does not live here, and that if they leave their info I will pass it on, but to please remove my number as a contact. I stop getting calls for about a month, than they start back up. I have noticed that once the lawyers call for final demand, the calls stop because the case moves to the courts. My mom, who had been divorced from my dad for 20 years, and who has a different last name now and lives in a different state, gets calls for my dad from creditors. It is because they can not find the actual person so they dig back through their past and start calling people hoping someone will give them the contact info. If she knows your dads contact info and gives it to them, they will probably stop calling. I can't say for sure, I never felt comfortable giving out my bils personal info.
Hopefully this is not identity theft.
With the mail just write refuse return to sender or address unknown.
The phone calls can only be stopped by changing the number and making it unlisted. You can block specific numbers but they use so many there is no way you can catch them all.
I would check her credit report. My ex for some strange reason uses my address for some stuff and it does show up on my credit report from time to time.
Does she speak a different language?
I had a foreign exchange student about 2 years ago and we were getting all sorts of calls. So I had my German daughter answer in German. After about a month we stopped getting calls, most of them were for my BIL's ex wife. I had never even met the woman.
Do check her credit score. Pitch any mail that comes in his name. You could threaten legal suit to the next caller. Tell them your mother is feeling harassed and you will be contacting a lawyer.
Definitely run a credit report. My first thought was identity theft. The only thing that would be weird is that the current wife is using her own name. I would still check though.
For the envelopes mark them "this person not at this address" and keep putting them back in the box. Ive done that before and had them come back. I dont think the post office always looks at what you write on the side.
For the phone number, does she by chance have their number that she can give to the bill collectors. "No, this isnt Suzys number but here is her current number" It stinks she has to go through that, but all she can really do is keep hanging up or not answer. I have the number of a person who obviously wasnt paying their bills and didnt tell his friends he changed his number. I think they have all figured out that this is not his number after multiple attempts. One company I actually had to call back about 5 times before they removed the number from their list, but they finally did remove me.
Good Luck!
http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/pubs/consumer/credit/cre18.shtm
She can take their info, repeat that she has no contact and wishes to be off their list and will report them. And then do so.
I actually had a cop show up once to check that the people they were looking for really didn't live there. Someone gave our number/address as theirs and understandably the cops were doubtful that the people answering (my roommates and I) weren't the criminals. When the cop came by and checked our ID, my housemates pulled out their military IDs. They stopped bothering us after that.
Your mom should take the mail and mark it "no such addressee. return to sender".
She can also ask the phone company how to block certain numbers.
If your mom has caller ID let it go there. When she sees the same numbers don't answer the phone. If it is out of the area and you don't have any family there, don't answer it. These collectors have many number all around the country so it would be very difficult to block them all.
As one person says black out the barcode on the mail and mark not at this address. That should stop the mail coming back to the house.
When all else fails, change the number even though she has had that one for 40 years it might be time to upgrade and change it. It would give her peace of mind.
We have one caller that is on automatic computer dialing that we don't answer and it just hangs up when it goes to the answering machine. I did a search on it and it is on the east coast and it is not any one in our home so we have no way of getting in touch with anybody.
Just love people who don't or won't pay their bills and give out other people's addresses and phone numbers as their own.
The other S.
Make sure that you cross out the barcode on the envelopes or the darn mail will just keep coming back! BTDT!
Report the collection agency phone number as harassing. Report it to the phone company. The next time they call, tell them that if they call again you'll be filing a complain with the police for harassment.
The next time you get mail, take it to the post office and ask their advice. I *think* you can put a block on the mail from being delivered but your mother has to fill out some paperwork.
