When my hausband and I got married he had a 15 yr. old son and I had an 8 yr.old. His son lived with his mother who was an alcoholic and so is my stepson, now. She allowed him to start drinking at the age of 14. He is now an adult and married with 2 children of his own. His wife struggled as did his dad and I for 12 yrs. to help him and to get him the help he needed. He never would call his dad unless he wanted money, not for holidays or birthdays or even for father's day. His wife would be the one to send the birthday card or father's day cards if they got sent. If my husband wanted to talk to him he has to call him, and the only way we ever saw him or his family was for us to go N.C. to see them, he always had an excuse as to why he not come to see us. That was okay, because my husband was determined to be a part of his life and be there for him. Well, now my problem is that my husband past away 4 years ago. The night of the wake, my stepson got drunk while at the wake, he had it in his car. When got back to my house, they were staying with us, he started to demand everything that he thought was his dads. All his guns, his truck, his tools, and everything else he could think of. I had to remind him that his daddy had two other children to consider and that that was not the time to discuss any of it. I asked to him to wait a day or two until the funeral was over with and we would discuss it. The evening of the funeral, I decided to try to approach him about all of it, to let him know that I knew what his dad wanted him to have because we had discussed those things and if he would give me alittle time to get through the next week or two I would make sure he got those things. He agreed, but after they left, we started to realize that certain items of his my husbands was missing and no one else had been in my home to have the opportunity to take these things. Since then he has plainly made it clear that he would never be back to visit me or his two brothers. His wife called a few times in the first year after my husband past away, then she quit calling altogether. I would get aletter from her every once in awhile after that, but they too have stopped. Up until this past christmas I continued to send christmas gifts to them, mostly because of my stepgrandchildren, trying to stay in touch with them and their parents and I even continued to call every month or two, but they never answered the phone or never seemed to be at home and therefore never returned my calls. My question is do I just stop the calls and christmas gifts and birthday gifts, because it is all one sided, or do I keep trying. I have had some people say that because my husband is gone they probably do not think I am a part of the family anymore. What would you do?
What a tough situation. I'd probably keep sending cards/gifts to the step-grandkids. It's not their fault that their dad has some personal/emotional issues.
wow.....thats a sad story...I would continue sending the gifts and what not to the grandkids only.....if after all this time your stepson has made no effort he has probably written you off......but the kids probably look forward to getting what you send each year and when they have control of themselves I would bet they will reach out to you too!
I know what you mean about grown stepchildren I have a 21 yr old stepdaughter and a 19 yr old stepson. My husband and I have had many disagreements on this issue. They have no respect for me they talk to me like I am a piece of trash, threaten not to bring the grandbabies around because of me. Their mother has filled their heads with so much stuff since they were little ( I have been with my husband for 17 yrs) Their mother does alot of drugs and drinks alot. She never used the child support on them. Because we would pay it and still have to make sure they had food, clothes for school and school supplies..We always made sure that they got equal for Christmas. But anyway now they only come around on their birthdays, the grandbabies birthdays or Christmas with their hands open. After that they dont care any other time. What makes matters worse is their dad has Leukemia (the blood kind) which is treatable but he is going through Chemo and taking different meds daily, some days he is so tired and sick it hurts me to see him go through this. But they never pick up the phone to call their dad and say hey dad how are you feeling..Nothing...I am just so tired of it so I know how you feel. I am sorry for the loss of your husband I hope that things get better for you and your child at home. Maybe one day your stepchild will come around get the help that he needs and know that even though his dad is gone you still love him. I try to let my stepchildren know I love them but it dont matter to them..Good Luck, sorry for the long letter..lol
I too remarried and he had 2 children and my 3 which made 5. My rule of thumb: we are a family, if you want to be in it, you earn that right. Not one of them is allowed in our home drinking or screaming or cursing. That's the rule. I don't care who it is. I deserve a lot for taking all this on and they are going to respect us. If you continue to do for them they will only keep taking. Cut all ties. That's what we did to one of ours and it worked. They eventually got tired of being "left out". Also, no one is "entitled" to anything. It's public property. I think you are being way too nice. Sounds like he's an inconsiderate, spoiled brat who needs to learn respect and I would bet he treats others that way. You should take care of yourself first so you will be there for the others. I refuse to grow old taking orders and being emotionally abused by our kids. I would just send the kids a card and couple dollars in it so they know you are there as they did not create this mess.
i have been thru this tring to stay in touch with my grandkids i decided after about five years to just give up and hope that one day they will want to know about there dads family and get in touch with me it hurts but i never even knew if they were getting the gifts i was sending just pray that the lord will work it out.
Your stepson has a serious disease. It rips families apart. There is not much you can do for him unless he wants the help. It's sad and very hard for families to deal with. For the grandchildren I might suggest sending them a card for their birthdays and christmas with maybe a few dollars in it just to let them know that you're still there for them. For the stepson and his wife maybe send them a nice card but no money. My mother just went through a similar situation. Now that the grandchildren are grown she recently stopped sending anything to them and sends only a card to the ones that acknowledge her. She still has limited communication when something traumatic happens they will call. Good luck
