What's It like Having a Second Child?

I have 2 kids with the same age gap you are talking about. Our daughter is now a little over 6 and our son is 19 months. We weren't ready for a second child before that and I am usually glad that we waited. The positives have far outweighed the negatives. Having 2 kids can be quite a handful at times so I am really happy that our daughter is old enough to be quite independent. She has her moments, but for the most part she is quite happy in her role as a big sister. They also play really well together. The little one absolutely adores his big sister! I have read, don't know if it is true, that it is easier to have kids two years apart or 5 because they are either too young to know or old enough that they already have their own life away from home. Good luck...I say go for it!

Hi Margaret, I have three children, all boys. Sorry, they do not share the similar age gap. My children were all born about 2 years apart. I'll tell you, when my second baby came along, my first born was very angry. He had 2 years of being the center of our world and then all of a sudden he had to share it with someone else. The first night my husband and I came home with the baby, our first born cried, screamed and whaled all night long. It was miserable, I felt so bad. He would try to hit the baby, and always poking and prodding because he was curious too. We did try to explain to him that he was going to have a baby brother before hand. Maybe he was too young to understand. Still, of course he would feel jealousy. Soon enough however, my first born came to love his baby brother very much. When the third one came along he was so excited, always kissing my belly as it grew. He loved his other baby brother even before he came to be. I think being a little older, it was definitely easier for my first born to understand and accept that he was going to have another sibling. Of course, he was already used to having one. Maybe that's what made it easy. Advice that's often given when you do have a new baby is to try to spend much of your attention on your older children. When you do spend time with baby, you could tell the new baby about her awesome older sister. For example, how great she's doing in learning her ABC's, numbers or maybe how beautiful her art work is. Of course the new baby wont understand, but your daughter will hear you brag about her and it will make her feel good. To help your daughter feel included, you could have her help you with the baby. Like maybe have her help you get a diaper when the baby needs changing or maybe she could help during bath time. You could let your daughter hold the baby, with your assistance of course. Anything to make her always feel included. While your feeding baby, you could try reading your daughter a book. Advice that was given to me when I was expecting my second child, was to tell my older son that it was his baby. That I was having the baby for him. I didn't follow that advice at the time, but when my third came along... I tried it out and it really worked. My eldest has such a special bond with HIS baby. My middle child took to having another brother with no problem, he loves his baby too!! I just have to watch out for him because he's still a little too rough. He doesn't understand yet how fragile babies are. Have you tried talking to your daughter about how she would feel having a little baby brother or sister to play with? Some advice is easier said than done, but try it out. Hope it will help. In the end, it will all work itself out. Trust in your higher power.

My sister and I are 5 years apart. I remember being fascinated with the baby and "helping" my mom take care of her. Even though we fought sometimes, we actually played really well together. I don't think you have anything to worry about!

Margaret, I wrote a response to your question and then realized it took me nearly 10 minutes to reread it. I have so much to say on this subject. My girls are 6 years apart. There are a lot of good things about it, and there are some not so good things about it. However, the same can be said for having children closer together.

My then 6 yr old daughter was never jealous of her baby sister. If you want to know how we managed that one e-mail me... it's kind of a long story.

The best things about having a 6 year difference are:
- the older one is pretty independant at that point and doesn't need as much attention as a toddler or preschooler
- you've already had a lot of alone time with the older child and because the older one will likely be in school you can have that same alone time with the younger one too.
- it's kind of like having your first all over again
- you get to see the results of all your acheivements and mistakes so you know better how to deal with the younger child's natural phases

The worst parts:
- the diaper phase... once you've been there and finished it is so hard to go back
- carrying around a new diaper bag after ceremoneously throwing out the old one in exchange for an adult purse
- those darn strollers are just so cumbersome... it doesn't seem that way when you have your first and if you've never stopped using one... but just like diapers, once it's gone you don't want to go back

Eh, compared to all the positives and there are many many more the negatives are pretty neglegible.

My son just turned 4 this past November and I am expecting our second in June. I have been thinking the same thoughts about siblings with this age gap. Thanks for the post...I'll keep my eyes on the responses!

I have a girl and boy who are 4 years apart. I thinks it's a great age "gap." We didn't plan it, it just happened that way. And in hindsight, we feel very fortunate that there is the 4 year age gap. My girl is the oldest, my son is 17 months now. It was not a "shock" when the 2nd one came... and my daughter was very happy about it as well. It's all about the attitude toward it. It's not necessarily "easier" or "harder" when the age gaps are closer... or not. For me, I think it's easier when the age gaps are further apart... then the older child can "help" and is more independent and therefore, "less" pressure for the mom. My girl is a real blessing and a "mini" Mom... she adores her brother and loves helping and playing with him. It's great for me too, as the Mom....it's like having an extra pair of hands.... because my girl is so caring and "mature" enough at her age, to "understand" things. If my kids were closer in age.. it would be a LOT more stressful, and "busy"... I can't imagine having both kids going through the "same" tantrums and age development related hardships at the same time! Therefore, this is why I say I love the age gap that my kids are... it's "staggered" and therefore, developmental "quirks" and snags are staggered too. My hubby and I love having this age gap in our children. Just remember... everyone is different. I am just speaking about how it is for me and my family.
As far as not getting pregnant at the "drop of a pin".. well, yes, that's normal. My first pregnancy happened after 1 year. My second, took 6 months. It was natural, although we would have sought IVF if needed. So good thing, we got pregnant just when I thought it was taking too long.
When there is an age gap.. .just nurture a bond between your children... and how special they both are and how they are a "team". We encourage my girl and boy to bond and nurture that "closeness" from birth... so that they will always feel close to each other. Sure, developmental changes will occur at each age, but main thing they always know they are special to each other... as siblings and later throughout their lives even into adult hood. This is a "foundation" we try to instill in our children, so they appreciate their own unique "sibling-hood." This is a good tip if you have a greater age gap in your children. This is just my story.. but I hope it helps. Don't worry, and things will work out. Good luck....
~Susan
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