Hey mamas!
I've been VERY lucky - my little guy was potty trained in a matter of minutes. When he was 3 years, 2 months, we said "no more diapers" one day and he never looked back. Day and night trained right from the start. I could hardly call it training b/c it was definitely all up to him.
Fast forward 8 months and after all the smooth sailing, we have a poopy pant!
Ok, so I get it; all kids will/should have an accident at least once. I was disappointed yesterday when I learned he had actually done it and even more so b/c he wouldn't own up to it (kept saying "I didn't go in my pants; just farted" when I would ask him at the play center. And I was asking because he SMELLED. Ugh. After a few minutes I quit asking and just scooped him up and took him to the potty where lo and behold...gross.). Evidently he had done it sometime between school and the play center. No pee, just poop. Well, the unders went into the trash, clean pants went on, I ran out and tossed the jeans into the trunk and then all back to normal at the climbing gym.
Frustrating, but I understood.
Then there was TODAY. Really? Again? AT HOME!! Like, in his room just a few feet from the bathroom. This time I heard a little grunt as I was washing dishes, went into his room to see if he needed to go potty and then, of course, smelled that I was too late. I understand being out and about or just caught up in fun, but at home in his room? And he immediately went on the defensive, telling me to go away and specifically not to check his pants. Nice try, buster. Pants into laundry, child into bathtub.
So my question is...how should I handle this? He knows what he is doing after this long, right? And he knows it was a bad choice. So do I tell him I'm disappointed? Do I punish him somehow if it happens again. I gave him the "poop is for potty" speech and didn't let him play in the tub, just washing. And of course told him I loved him even with poopy pants just to reassure him. But...what's next? If we were early in the process I'd never dream of punishment or even a stern word about it, but he'll be 4 in two months and has been a dream about it the past eight months.
There has been nothing going on that (in my mind) would trigger a regression. Who knows what's in his mind. He had a good time with a friend outing all day, too!
Update:
And the mystery deepens...he did it again today at school! They called to tell me. Then when I got there I had a meeting with his teacher who explained his behavior has been atrocious the past two weeks. Damn, I thought it was just at home! He really has been a bear lately.
The teacher thinks this is all about control - he knows he is supposed to go on the potty (and treat the toys better, not hit/grab from kids, show books respect, and pay the frick attention) but is purposely pushing our buttons to see how far it will go. Awesome. So he's defiantly gross now.
We talked about some things to try at school and home for punishment/reward on these behaviors and we'll see if it works! He is trying some new techniques on some sensory issues from OT and maybe feels less in control right now and this is backlash.
When I was training my oldest he didn't want to poop in the pot and had no problem watching me wash out his poopy underpants and he knew what he was doing. My resolution was to have him help me wash them out. It was yucky and not something he wanted to do but I wasn't mean about it just told him it needed to be done and he needed to start helping do it. He never pooped his pants again unless he had diarrhea and couldn't help it.
Both my boys, almost 3 and 5, were potty trained early and went through this same phase. I'm not sure why, but I just always reminded them that they need to go to the bathroom when they feel the need, and a lot of times it's because they don't want to stop playing and go. Just reinforce being a big boy and don't dwell on it too much, it will stop probably after a week or so.
This sort of late regression is amazingly common, but usually brief if you don't turn it into a contest of wills. Punishment is not generally a good idea, but consequences are entirely appropriate. As in, teach him how to rinse out his unders in the toilet, then either place them in the laundry or garbage as you prefer. With you standing over him so he can't slack or soil floor or furnishings. How to wash himself, with your help, and change his clothes. Point out occasionally, casually, that he could be playing instead of doing these tasks.
Positive systems work well for some (not all) kids, too. Set up a jar of quarters that will be his when he makes it through 2 weeks without an accident, and will pay for a special trip to _____, or _____ for dessert, or whatever lights his fire. For every pair of pant he soils, he loses one or two quarters. Those will go to help with the cost of laundry or clothing replacement. But be aware that some clever youth begin to play reward systems and turn them into escalating bribe systems.
Finally, see what this informative site on "training refusals" has to say about making the child responsible. You may find something useful here. (And, TMI perhaps, but both my husband and I have experienced, um, "wet" farts. Oops! Rude surprise! Not intentional!)
Good luck.
ADDED:
(:-•) I forgot to post the link! Delays and problems: http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm
Mine did it too, it just happens. Don't punish, remind. It'll stop.
Sometimes kids get pinworms and other parasites that cause them to poop. Check him out to see if he's caught parasites from other kids. Poop to lab and a piece of tape before bedtime over his anus. The pinworms get stuck to the scotch tape. Check first thing in the morning.
If he said he just farted then he could be practicing. If he is around older kids then that would be normal for his age. My husband tought my 4 year old the "pull my finger" thing (thanks dad) and he went around "practicing" for a while.
HI D.,
I have almost the same situation going on. My daughter, Marlee, was trained right around 3 years old and she did it all herself. Day time, night time, everything. Well, just recently, my 20 month old has shown interest in potty training and will take off her diaper and run to me to tell me she has to go. Marlee will strip down as well, and pee on the floor. I was infuriated!!! At first, I went along with her - she said it was an accident. Second time, I told her I knew it was no accident and she was teaching her sister bad habits. THIRD time, I lectured...don't know if that was the right approach. Well, it was part lecture, and part discussion about how inappropriate it is, I still love her no matter what, she is too smart to do that, etc.
It hasn't happened since (this was 6 days ago) which could be a coincidence, or maybe she really GOT it...not sure yet. I have heard that regression after complete potty training is normal. With your son, maybe it was something he ate, upsetting his stomach, or maybe some sort of anxiety...I wish we could get inside their little heads sometimes.
One thing I know for sure...NEVER punish for accidents!! It can set a child back in so many ways - mentally, emotionally, etic. If it continues, maybe ask his doctor about it just to be sure there isn't anything physical wrong.
Try not to worry, and good luck,
L.
My son is 4 1/2 and he has weird poop issues. For the past few months he will poop in the bath. He will feel it come out and one time I caught him playing with it...super gross obviously...And about a week or so ago we were at an outside play area and he pooped in his pants. On the same day when we got home we were playing outside and he had a pair of shorts on (no underwear) and he pooped again and let it come down his pants on the sidewalk!! I didn't let him take a bath for awhile (only showers) and tried the baths again and he had pooped on the potty and will announce it very excitedly like he was first potty trained. Very strange. For him, I think it was a matter of curiousity of what will happen if I poop in my pants. Hopefully it's just a weird stage :)
Probably more of a medical/physical problem than him being bad. Google encopresis and see if the symptoms fit.
