What the H**l Did He Do?

That used to happen to me when the kids were little. I have no advice. It's just one of the many reasons for my anti-male sentiments.

I agree with being angry... But I also agree that you need to cool off first.

Then, when you've had your cool off time, ask him why everything was the way it was. Give details. Like specifically ask why he didn't change the diaper or put the dishes in the dishwasher or why he didn't feed the little one a real lunch or put him down for a nap.

I know my son will act COMPLETELY different for my husband than he will for me. I'm the one that my son will fight... So my husband is usually the one in your 'shoes' wondering what the hell went on.

I'd just try and calmly have a conversation about how you feel. Don't place blame or accuse. He might have had a hell of a time with your son just because it's dad and not mom.

This is how it is in my house all the time - I get mad but realized no matter what approach I used - sweet, direct, yelling, etc., etc. nothing worked - I gave up, figured if nothing was going to change why let myself get all worked up...............Sorry, wish I had better advice for you.

I would have woken him up sooner and rather than waited for him to get himself together would have simply handed him the baby and said, "I'm leaving for my appointment. You know where the diapers and baby food are. You know his schedule. I expect the baby to be changed, fed, and diapered as usual when I get back. Hopefully the doctor won't be running late."

I have done this so I can put my money where my mouth is. If I have any doubt that anything on the schedule would get done while I was gone, I called with a firm reminder. My husband has a tendency to feed and water himself and "forget" to feed the kids so I have to call him before meal times when I'm out.

It sounds to me like there wasn't any communication between you before you left for your appointment. If you didn't leave a list of expectations and the schedule clearly laid out then it's going to be tough for you to make any valid points with him. When you talk, let him know that you're disappointed that he didn't follow through on child care while you were out but in the future you'd like to talk about ways to fix that. See what ideas he tosses out and then add your own but make sure to add a To Do List or a Schedule/Chart that includes everything from snacks to diaper changes to filling the dishwasher to setting out lunch or dinner to bath time to changing for bed.

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Sadly most men, not all, but most don't think about the stuff that is important for household chores. They act more like a babysitter then a parent of a house. Sadly you have to get over it and not expect him to do anything. You are pregnant and your blood pressure is going to sky rocket if you don't just let some stuff go. Let it go, don't be upset when you talk to him. He will be on the defensive so expect that, just share with him how important it is too. Remeber though he may not care as much about the clean house, but feeding and naping baby should be important. :-)

I would say a lot of things. I also don't have a high tolerance for men who act like children. If they need their mommy they can move back in with her. I am an equal, a partner, a mate, and a friend. I am not a servant.

As far as being pregnant- he should have compassion for you and go the extra mile to help lighten your load. IMO.

My husband was initially very lax and lazy about household help and keeping the kids clean/fed. Since I am not a servant nor his employee, if he makes a mess he cleans up after himself. If I leave my girls with him he needs to make sure to feed them and keep their schedule as I would. It's about co-parenting and being supportive of each other and of your goals together as parents.

Next time you have an appointment to get to and you give your husband enough wake-up time to take care of his business before you have to leave to take care of yours- keep your schedule. Let him deal with the consequences. He won't learn otherwise.

You are considerate of him, he should return the kindness.

Best wishes!

Do you want to know what we would do? Or do you want to know what should be done?

What I probably would do is complain and grumble. BUT...I've been watching Joyce Meyer all week and she's been talking about keeping the strife out of our lives.

The best thing to do is take a big deep breath, clean it up at your own leisure, put a smile on your face, and pray for peace and patience.

I totally relate to this, and it sounds like a lot of others do too!

Definitely cool down before you talk to him. Tell him you need a partner/teammate in this parenthood thing. You need his help (especially now that you're pregnant). Ask him to try to be more aware of the state of the house and the baby's needs.

But also, don't expect him to know certain things. Next time you leave him in charge, tell him: "This is what Junior should eat for lunch, he'll probably need a diaper change in an hour or so, put him down for his nap at this time," etc. That might help.

I know, men can be so clueless!! Good luck!

Sounds like my hubby. He will play on his smart phone or laptop while "hovering" near the kids for hours if you let him. Nothing really gets done. It drives me nuts.

Wow it would be hurricane mommy if it were me. I feel you, I'd be pissed. Did you ask him what he did? Maybe you can when you have calmed down. I would genuinely be interested in what he did if there were my ex husband (baby's father). Take some time to calm down and leave the dishes for him lol. I am with you, I'd be pretty livid. Especially if her diaper was sagging full and she was basically unfed with no attempt at a nap (in context to my daughter lol, thats why I said she).

Do you have family around you that could watch the baby when you need it? I remember my friend's babys dad used to sleep while the baby crawled around the house, like really?! dangerous.

For this, I'd calm down and have a talk with him about it when he gets home and chills for a minute (to lessen his defensive mode). That is uncalled for and like the mom below I have little patience for men who act like their hands are too broken to take care of a child and the house.

Update, lol at your so what happened I'm still amazed some guys need a detailed list too. To me it's like blaring music in your ear obvious, but apparently not so much to some guys :P

Sit down calmly and ask him "What happened while I was out? It looks like you had a terrible time with the little guy! " (make your voice sound like you are not accusing, but sympathetic, and shocked that the day went so horribly horribly wrong!) Ask what he needs to know ahead of time so that next time his pregnant wife wont have to come home to such a mess, and a cranky soaking child. Of course he would never do that on purpose to his hard working pregnant wife, he must have some excuse. Of course he doesnt have a good excuse, but you will have made the point that you expected more from him and he let you down, without sounding angry and accusing which makes men shut down. Next time you have a 10:15 apt I recommend you tell hubby its earlier, get there at 9:15 to read magazines in the office and give hubby more time to bond with his little one. When you have a new baby in the house your toddler really needs to be used to spending time with Daddy and Daddy really needs to be a pro at being a father! Dont let him get away with this it isnt whats best for your kids.

If I came home and my son was happy, the house was still standing, and my husband was happy then I was of the opinion that everything was good.

I realized that while my husband did not do things my way, he still go it done. Our son was taken care of, never in any harm, and got to enjoy time with daddy. That was all that mattered in the long run.

As for the messy house--that never bothered me. My husband didn't do dishes or clean up messes if I was home, and he didn't do it if I was away from home.

Yep, I would have been ticked. Lucky for you that your child was okay. I came home once to the door open and our toddler could have ran out! Men are either watching tv, playing computer games, on the ipad, or sleeping. That's usually what most men do. You are not alone.

Men are so clueless. I have come home to the same situation so many times. You need to tell him how you feel for sure. If you bottle it up it will blow up. Good luck

Welcome to the world of Husbands.
They live in a different Matrix, from us and reality.

Yah, I hear ya.
It is a PISSER.
My Hubby has done things like that too.
Many times.
They do NOT GET IT.
At all.
Then they wonder WHY we are all Bitchy!

Yah, it IS their house and their kid, too.

Still, they don't get it.