What Should We About This If Anything?

I would talk to the boy who made the comment about how it was mean of him to make the comment where he could be heard. Let him know if he is ever in that situation again that he should just say "I have to go now" and leave it at that. I would probably also ask B if something had happened between him and the other boy. It is likely that there was an incident that B is well aware of.

Funny how no one commends the child already in your home for making it known what he has been told my his parents. He was told if B is around, he can't play with him. He simply made that statement and offered to go home. He shouldn't have to go home, he was there first.
What needs to be found out is 'why' B and the boy already at your home can't play, if that's really anyones business.
The whole world doesn't have to get along, it's ok if a kid feels left out.
Not every one gets a trophy.

I agree with the other two posters. You need to address it and make it clear that you decide who plays at your home; but, if the other boy is not allowed to play with B, you have to understand that he may in fact need to go home because you can not override his parents rules.

Since this moment has passed, you have to take a different approach. You tell the boys that were present (especially the one who made the comment) that while you appreciate them letting you know if they are allowed to play with someone or not, they need to be aware of other people's feelings and tell you quietly and that you will decide who plays in your home. Should B stay and play? I think so. Then you should call the friend's mom and tell them that B is there and their child said they couldn't play with him so you wanted to know if you need to send their child home or not (and indicate you would love to have him stay). You may find out the friend is being misleading or you may find out there is history there.

As for B...you let him know that you know his feelings were hurt and you were sorry he left. Let him know he is welcome to play at your home regardless of who else is there and to please allow you the chance to address any comments made to the contrary.

I'm with Jim on this one. The boy who was already there said he would have to leave if the other boy came in. He was there first, invited first. Doesn't sound like he meant to be cruel, he was just repeating what his Mom told him. They're kids - he was already there and playing, of course he said something, he didn't want to go home!

I would apologize to B for his hurt feelings - an apology can be given in empathy too. Then I would talk to the boy who made the statement and just explain he hurt B's feelings needlessly and ask if there is anyone else he can't play with so you know in the future.

Don't you just hate it when something unexpected happens and you are too shocked to react? I think your question implies that you know you have to deal with this. The responses you have so far are helpful. In addition, this is an occasion to model all sorts of ethical behavior for your children. Mom gets surprised. Mom doesn't always get things perfectly the first time. Mom cares about B's feelings and is making a plan to deal with this. Mom will protect children from being hurt in her home. All of these are important for kids to learn from you, so that eventually they will be able to stand up for themselves and what is right.

I'd ask him if he's okay and if he'd like to talk. It's the elephant in the room otherwise, and you don't want your child to think that's okay. The other boy is following parents' instructions and I don't think you should intervene with him. But I would talk to B or to B's parents and let him and/or them know that if he ever wants to talk, you're there for him. Obviously, B likes your son and he has lots of contact with you - you could do him some good. Kids who have problems like that externally may be acting out in response to unrelated problems, sometimes at home, and could use another adult who cares.

I'd apologize to B for not standing up for him. If he's your friend you allowed him to be humiliated. If he's mean and you're glad he didn't come over then you need to make peace with him.

I feel bad for him. Poor kid. If he's mean then he's going to feel like he has more reason to do so. If he's not a mean kid then he got hurt for no reason.

M.:

Ouch. That sucks. No. You don't let it go.

Your house. YOUR RULES. YOU decide who gets to play in your home.

Find out what's going on. You carpool with this kid daily - IS he mean and not well-liked? Or is this just someone else's perception?

If you are friends with the mom of the kid who made the rude comment (boy that was a mouthful!) - since your house seems to be the congregating place - talk with her. Let her know YOUR feelings and perception of this boy and see if you can get it worked out.

I would tell her and her son that NO ONE dictates WHO can come to my home and NO ONE is allowed to make comments that will hurt another like that.

Good luck!

I would talk to the kid who made the comment and get the story. I hate to see kids being excluded. I always try to help kids like those.

Get the story, and go from there. Maybe if your son likes B, he can invite him over sometime.

Poor kid.

No. You don't let it go. You have a talk with the friend who said this and tell him that when he is at your house, YOU make the rules and YOU decide who plays at your house. Not him.

You tell him that what he should have done is come to you and talked to you about his problem with B. Then you could have decided what to do about it. Perhaps you could have mediated between the two.

Have you talked to your own son about what to do about B? I think maybe you two discuss what happened and tell him that the boy was in the wrong, and it totally caught you off guard. Ask him what the problem between them is. If indeed B is being mean, this is a wakeup call for him. If he's not, and this is a bullying tactic by the other boy, mediating between them will probably bear some of it out.

You missed the opportunity to put this kid in his place today, (I'm sure you were just caught flat-footed here), but that doesn't mean that you don't address it. The next time your son plays with him, have him tell the boy that you want to talk to him, and then you talk to him and tell him that he may not run someone off from your house.

You need to get to the bottom of this so that this kid doesn't bully B every time he sees him with your son.

Jim and Momma W said it well.
Without knowing the reasons why the boy was told not to play with B, you really don't know much. The boy at your house did what he was told and in a respectful way. It can't be helped if B overheard at the door. Did he seem surprised by it? I'm guessing he already was aware of the situation, and perhaps he even knows why the child isn't allowed to play with him.

I would speak to the boys' Mom/Dad and ask what her preference is if B is at your house and her son wants to play. Does he have to go home? Or can he stay under your supervision?

If these kids routinely play outside in the neighborhood, it may be that mom just doesn't want them around each other unsupervised. I don't know.

It is sad. But, you don't know what precipitated the rule.

You say that you saw this, not that it was reported to you by your son.

You are late with what you should have done-on the spot. You had time when B left the doorway, was on the sidewalk, was a bit off your driveway.... To recover from your paralysis.

I'm thinking of how B's mom had to console him. You missed the bus on that one.

I'm with Jim.

Another question: *IS* B a mean kid? If so, perhaps some gentle guidance could help him know that being mean won't be accepted if he wants to hang with your kids, instead of worrying so much about hurting his feelings.

It's great to talk to B, but, you really need to talk to the boy who said he can't play with B (and/or his parents) to find out the story.

If his parents gave him a firm rule against playing with B, of course he's going to speak up! And he's a kid, with no great "filter", so unfortunately B overheard him.

Let's not all attack that little boy if he was just following his parents' rules.

I would stay out of it. I occasionall say things to the neighbor but I usually stay out of the arguments. ..My kids get along wonderfully with all the kids on our street. There is one kid if there is any type of problem it is always caused by him. He has turned into a nice young man. Sometimes he is just a brat. All the other 8 kids on the street there are never any issues.
Anyhow one time he was fairly bratty to my son. I expect my kids to treat people with respect but if your a visitor in my house. Talking in that way is not allowed in my house.
Is this a nice kid? Does he have another side maybe you havent seen? I would tell the both sets of parents if this keeps happening. Tell them your child is friends with both kids and they are both welcome in your house.