What Should I Do? - Ralph,AL

Welcome to mamapedia.

My ex-husband threatened divorce, told me I'd NEVER make it without him. Well, one of the fights, I said "you want a divorce? Okay. We're done." We were living in Germany. I found an apartment off base, got my friends together and moved.

It's not 22 years later. I'm happily married with two kids with my husband. Has it been perfect? Nope. But I'm happy.

If your husband lays a hand on you again? Defend yourself. Then call the police. File charges and do not back down.

Get yourself into counseling.
Get your SON into counseling. When your husband starts calling you names. You shut him down. If your son calls you names? You tell him NO ONLY NO BUT HELL NO. That is NOT acceptable.

Stop obsessing over a man you are not going to have. You chose to walk away from him. He moved on, obviously.

If you don't have a job. Get one. If you need an education? Get one. Go to your local women's shelter and find out how you can get state aide. Move on.

ONLY YOU can make you happy.
ONLY YOU are responsible for your happiness. NO ONE ELSE. They ADD to your happiness but they don't "MAKE" you happy. You MUST understand that. You have to own up and be responsible for yourself. This is going to be a hard step. But YOU CAN DO IT and YOU WILL SURVIVE. You are NOT alone.

Seek help for a domestic shelter or women's hotline organization. They can direct in the way that you should go. Only you can decide when the time is right to move on and it is about to happen one way or the other.

You have to get help for you to show and prove to you that you are worthy and to show your son that you matter as an individual. He must know that this is not the way to treat a woman or he will do the same as his dad to his girlfriend(s)/wife.

Only you can be happy with you. No one else will make you happy or really look out for you but you. It is better to live alone than with someone always tearing you down and making you feel like nothing.

Life is too short for all this drama. Find you and your self-esteem and go from there. Become a beautiful butterfly.

the other S.

Time to give up on the fantasy guy.
It was something to amuse yourself with and keep the day dream going but really it was wasting your time and effort that you could have used to kick your husband to the curb.
It happens.
Forgive yourself.

Now pick yourself up, get some advice from a womens shelter and move ahead with divorcing your abusive spouse.
It will take awhile.

Now the thing to keep in mind the most after all is said and done - do NOT get involved with another man for several years until your self esteem is restored and you are emotionally healed.
Concentrate on raising your child and getting independent.
When you don't 'NEED' a man is when a good one will come along.

My heart breaks for you. Please seek counseling for yourself. You need to build up your self esteem so you have the courage to leave. Even if you don't leave for yourself you must know this is not healthy for your son. Leave for his sake if not for your own. Best of luck.

If you can make it financially, then leave. You will gain a ton of self-esteem once you get out from under your husband's thumb. One day you will wake up and realize what you have done on your own and how strong and self-assured you feel. Right now, he has you where he wants you. And even though it's not good for you, it's comfortable - it's what you know. Step out of that comfort zone and life will get better for both you and your son.

Find a women's counseling center/ hotline, etc and get some help.

Do you have relatives/ close friends nearby you can talk with and stay with? Temporarily? You are not safe, especially given he has already been Physical with you. Now is the time to go with your son. Find help to deal with this sitation, but you do need to deal with it.

Learn to love yourself and respect yourself enough to say enough is enough.

Please seek help from a women's crisis center. They have professional counseling and deal with the same issues you've stated on a day to day basis. So sorry you feel this way and are in this situation. You have your whole life ahead, one with a bright future. Please get a support system behind you. That women's crisis center would be my first call. Best of luck to you...