I am really starting to think I have a problem, I cannot make up my mind on ANYTHING, well anything major in my life. Small everyday things are not an issue. I have been going back and forth on having another baby for 8 years now, Granted I had a very tramatic delivery with my daughter, and went through PPD, I want another child so bad, but every time I say okay lets try to my
husband, I then back out and say no, not now. The latest issue is for the past 2 years I have gone back and forth on selling our house, We live about 30 minutes from where I grew up, so I have always wanted to move back to my home town. But it is very expensive. We bought our house 5 yrs ago when the market was high so we will be taking a big loss by selling. But again, one week I call my realtor and say put my house on, then call him and say forget it. So I actually went ahead and put my house on last week, and today I took it off. My husband is so easy going if I ask him what he wants he just says whatever makes you happy. And as wonderful as that is I kinda need him to tell me what he wants or thinks we should do. the decision is always mine. Why am I like this??? I am driving my poor husband nuts, and my mother thinks I am crazy. UGHHHH, I am starting to think I might be. Do any of you go through this??? Why do I think so much, its like I think about things too much. I know I annoy people b/c I will talk and talk about these things, and then always change my mind. I think I am just always scared of the unknown. Like I want another baby so bad, but I am soooo scared what if what happens with my daughter happens again, what if we sell the house and cannot find another one. I also stay at home with my daughter who is 8 yrs old, so I actually think its time to get a job, maybe too much time on my hands???? HELP!!!!!
I agree with some of the thoughts below, anxiety / depression. I have suffered with depression & anxiety for quite a while. One of the things , I notice, is not only can I not commit to big decisions but small decisions are equally difficult.
I "what if" myself to death, too. I know how you feel. Maybe you can just look at the big picture and work backwards from there. Where do you want to be 5 yrs from now? Do you actually see yourself with another child and do you see yourself in a new home? If the answers are yes, then it is time to start working toward your goals. If not, rethink what you want down the road and aim in that direction.
Whenever I don't know what to do, I pray and ask God for guidance and direction and wisdom. I always feel better when I give it to God.
Hormones! Talk to your obgyn and see what he thinks.
I do the same thing--even about little things sometimes. You are not crazy! I find that during the periods of my life when I have been a SAHM (with more thinking time on my hands) I overthink things and can't make decisions either.
Put together the suggestions LovingLife and Michelle S. wrote below, and I think you can't go wrong!!
Good luck!
I been going threw the same stuff. We have 3 kids,been a stay at home mom for the last 6 years. My husband and I both wanted another child but can't agree on when. Were both are back and forth on yeah or no on another child.We get our days! The first two wasn't planned but we enjoyed having them in our lives. Our third we agreed and got pregnant the following month. I'll be starting school next month and still haven't figured rather to start november on trying to have another child where i'll be done with school in may and have a baby that fall(2013) or what. I have so many "ifs". I sit and worry should we have another one or wait? Alot of times i think its up to GOD! He knows everything.Just pray. Hope everything will work out for you!!
I may be a bit old fashioned but I think your husband needs to be more of a leader for you and your family. A couple needs a leader and men are naturally better leaders than women because they're better at using logic rather than emotions. To be honest, it sounds like you're anxieties are starting to run your life. One traumatic birth does not mean you're going to have another and you're holding family growth back because of fear. If you have good insurance I think a few talks with a counselor may do the trick. You're missing out on life because of your worries! Do you want to find yourself here in another 8 years?? You will if you don't take big steps to change things. I'm honestly not trying to be mean! Sometimes bucking up is what is needed in life :)
I think most of us over-think things to a certain degree. But you just can't let fear totally paralyze you. Make pro's and con's lists to help you come to a desicion. Then stick to it! Sometimes you just have to let things ride and try not to think about them so much.
Your delivery with your daughter was traumatic, but you would do it all over again if it meant not having your daughter in your life, right? Maybe next time around would be completely different. But even if its a rough delivery, in the end, its all worth it if you really want another child in your life. You will heal in a relatively short period of time but you will have forever with your child.
I agree, sounds like anxiety, fear of the unknown. Worrying is normal, but it gets to the point of controlling your life, then you have an issue.
I've gone through it with depression, and I have a couple of friends who had depression with anxiety. In fact, they live not far from you - maybe it's something in the water??? No really - what you are experiencing is very common - as someone else said, little decisions can be very difficult too. And you are talking about major decisions - having a child after a difficult birth, moving to a new home, taking a financial hit possibly. You're stressed too - and stress is associated with mental clarity and fatigue. It's a vicious circle - stress causes fatigue which causes brain fog which causes more stress which causes more fatigue.... get the picture?
We've all dealt with this nutritionally if you don't want to use medication. You can also use nutrition at the same time as medication - no interference. If you'd like to talk to my friends or me, we are available and do a lot of calls on this subject.
I think it doesn't pay to use logic right now - for example, logic says that, given the market, if you sell your home it won't be hard to find another home. There's a lot moving out there. But you're in a state where logic doesn't work right now - and you know it, which is why you're beating up on yourself a little more than you would normally. So I think you have to attack the emotions (which are tied to your metabolism) through a combination of nutrients and maybe some short-term counseling. There's no shame in reaching out for help. And tell your mother to back off - it's not helping to be called crazy.
I am the same way. I only went back and forth on the kid thing for 2 years though, and then I decided to just jump in, and I'm almost 9 weeks with my third. So glad I can't take it back!
But I've been obsessing about buying or building a new house for years....and it never goes anywhere --with this third kid, we will need a bigger space, so this baby is going to be a blessing in many ways, forcing change.
I hate radical change. Maybe that's your issue to? I get so anxious about what I can't control, so it's easier to just let things be.
Hubby says I'm incapable of making a decision. I do make lots of big decisions, though. When I do, I usually just try to push any fear or doubt I am feeling aside and I try to just listen to my heart. If you follow your heart, you never go wrong ;-)
I can do the same thing... Sometimes I think if our second wasnt an accident bc of failed birth control, I don't know how I would have decided when to have a 2nd and I'd have put it off for years too. I also had a horrible delivery - blood transfusion etc and I think I suffered from PPD too. But they were more prepared at my 2nd delivery so while not great, it was better. Not sure what happened with your first but is a scheduled c-section an option? And you know to start antidepressants after delivery so don't worry about the PPD. As for the house, I do the same thing. I've been talking about moving for years... But we're happy where we are for now so I let it go. But of course I wonder - will I regret it? I do want to move someday. Should we do it now then?... Goes on and on. With things like this though, I know from experience that I won't regret it bc I know that I thought it out as thoroughly as possible - including the fact I may look back and say that we should have moved earlier. So if I've made the best decision I can right now, no regrets. To me you only allow yourself to regret things you dont' think through. Otherwise, you had good reason for your decision so that's that. So now I can look back at something and say "yeah, maybe I should have chosen differently but I did look at all the angles and the decision I made seemed best so that's that." But some decisions are extra hard. Look at my post yesterday. I've been talking about quitting my job for years and years and can never decide. So far I'm fine with the decision not to though. So maybe look at it that way. Are you actually regretting anything? Do you wish you'd moved 2 years ago bc you think you'd be happier or bc then the decision would be done or do you like where you live? Do you wish you'd had a child 3 years ago? If so, why? Bc the decision would be done or you think you'd be happier? If it's the latter, then go for it now.
Sounds to me like you are afraid of risk. All of these decisions you are having a hard time with are BIG decisions. The way I approach life now is "You only live once." Try to envision what your life will look like 50 years from now. Will you be happy with only one child? Will you be happy you stayed in the same house as long as you did? My answer is NO. You will have wished you found the guts to move forward with these big decisions. There's no better time than the present. :)
It sounds to me like you have a lot of anxiety, and that anxiety is affecting your ability to make (and stick to) life changing decisions. I could offer you up some suggestions I've learned in dealing with my own anxiety from therapy, but I think it would only be the tip of the iceberg for you and not really address the real issues.
Anxiety disorders are no fun. It's something you need some help coping with and learning to understand, so my suggestion is to find a nearby Psychiatrist who is willing to give you talk therapy on a regular basis.
