What Is Reasonable for 'Cleaned up Your Room" ?

I would try to come to some kind of agreement with my husband and then present it to the kids. The kids will always give you a battle if they think their Dad doesn't care. He needs to be on board and hopefully if you tell him how important this is to you he will respect that or at least help you come up with a happy medium.
I've been doing a mom's store with my kids. I've gotten them a few little things toys, candy ect. I give them chore bucks for their chores. We wrote all their chores down agreed that they are things they can do and they are responsible for doing them. If they don't do them no chore buck. Then on Monday we open the store and they can buy something or save the chore bucks for the bigger items. If I have to remind the kids 3 times to do their chores then they have to pay me a buck, or if they want me to do their chores they have to pay me 5 chore bucks. I have 3 boys. So far it has worked out really well because they can see the reward and have something to work towards. Good luck I hope that helps. And no I don't think asking the kids to keep the floor clean is asking to much. It's teaching them to respect their stuff and take pride in being responsible.

Brenda you are being reasonable. I have a 3 year old and a 4 year old (that turns 5 in July), they have to clean up each day. Whatever they take out they have to put away. They floors have to be clean. I have to inspect my three year olds work because she will just throw everything in the closet. But I make it clear to them to put everything in its rightful place so that the next time you go to look for it you can find it. Another thing I don't believe in is toy boxes, those are endless wholes to no where. They have the buck container stands that they put stuff and and a little space in their closet where they keep their toys. My son lines all his shoes up neatly, after they take them off they know to put them in the closet and not to just throw them in the floor (though sometimes I have to remind them).

They don't whimper and whine because it has become a routine. They know once they are finished playing with their toys they have to put them away.

I agree with your view 150% I am one of those people whose home is always put together. The way we get this done is by doing a little each day and everything having a place.
Most kids can get rid of 1/2 of their toys without ever even noticing. We can get rid of MOST of our clothes without noticing. Memerabilia is all that one should keep around IMO. We used to be pack-rats until one day we had to move. We went shopping in our home and packed the things that we wanted and didn't feel that we could live without. I paid my brother to finish clearing everything out, keep what he wanted and donate or sell the rest. It was the most freeing feeling in my life. Truely life changing. Now if we buy something, something else goes out the door. Birthdays mean gifts, and a donation that fills the biggest box that DD recieves. Trash in-Trash out.
I would be happy to help you do the same in your life. Now we spend our weekends at the beach, Sea World, Six Flags, at the park, or just swimmin gin the pool. We have much less STUFF and a much higher quality of life, not in spite of it but BECAUSE of it.
Go shopping in your home, have a garage sale and use the earned money for lessons for the family, or season passes somewhere, or even a boat.
Your children are old enough to figure this out for themselves. they can do a little each day, or they can do it all on Saturday before activities, before cartoons, and before playing. Hire a babysitter- an old frumpy boring one lol, and go about your fun Saturday without them and see how they like that. Be sure to take pictures of all of the fun you had while they were inside cleaning so you can show them what they missed.

my daughters are 5 and 3 and we have them pick up everything from the livingroom area and take it to their room about 30 min. before bedtime. Then they have to make sure their floor is clean before bed. I have tried organizing their toys, but they just end up jumbled up so now I just say "put the toys ANYWHERE in the closet, toy box, book shelf, or any of the baskets/containers!" I have LOTS of little plastic containers and baskets for toys that fit on the bookshelf or closet or under the bed. I also have them put their shoes in the organizer I have for them and dirty clothes in the hamper. Yes, most nights I have to point out things they need to pick up, standing there in the doorway making sure it gets done. But I think that is perfectly reasonable, especially because when I didn't make them do it every night, if I had to go in their room in the middle of the night I was always stepping on something and either hurting myself or breaking their toys! I have resorted to saying "if YOU don't pick it up, I will put it in a garbage bag and keep it for X amount of days!" oh, and trust me, I'm not a great housekeeper LOL my hubby and I are both packrats and I'm just not good at motivating myself to clean up unless I know someone else will see the house! But I do do a quick sweep of the living/dining area before I go to bed. Put dishes in the sink, throw trash away, etc. And I'm pretty good about keeping up with dishes, laundry and vacuuming. It's the other stuff like bathrooms, dusting, windows, cleaning the microwave...stuff like that where I really slack off =) I get frustrated at times (and I've tried Flylady, too!) but I really don't know how to change my own habits so I just kinda accept it.
LOL not sure if any of this has helped you! good luck with whatever you try!

Dear Brenda,

You are fighting an uphill battle especially with your husband not being on board.I don't think you are being unreasonable. I explain to my family that EVERYTHING has a place, and it's not on the floor. I give my daughter the opportunity to clean her own room (she's 6), she knows that I like things neat. I tell her that whatever is on the floor is going into the Good Will bag for donating to the poor kids (then I give her some time). This seems to work pretty well, and I actually do pick things up off her floor and throw into the bag. Now, she knows that at the end of the day, things go back in their place and it's part of our bedtime routine. Of course, I've made it REALLY easy for her...she has big baskets for her stuffed animals and shelving with lots of little baskets for her small toys, shoes have a rack, dirty clothes have a hamper, and her desk has lots of drawers for markers and stuff. I explain that if she's having a hard time finding places for her things it's time to get rid of some things...and then I tell her that we can't get new stuff unless we make room and get rid of toys she doesn't play with anymore. The other day, on her own, she came into the kitchen and asked for a Goodwill bag.

I also work so coming home after a hard day, cooking, AND having to clean up after everyone could get out of hand.Good Luck.

Mornings are hectic, but when we come home, it's homework, then clean your room BEFORE you are allowed to do anything else. This gets them in the habit, and they know what to expect. Be consistent! Stay strong! Clean to me is make your bed, put stuff away, floors clear! My 5 year old loves thrives from the routine and the responsibility! They also help clear the table and sweep after dinner, mom cannot do all things by herself! ;)

HI!
I have a just turned 5yo and a 3 1/2 yr old - both girls.
Their room has recently been set up as a sleeping/quite area ONLY. (which has helped tremendously BTW not only with tidiness, but also with going to bed/sleep at a reasonable time).
they have a sort of checklist of age appropriate expectations and responsibilities.
After they wake up they straighten their bed sheets and do their bathroom regimen. After breakfast they put PJs in the dirty clothes hamper (big open mouth hamper right next to their dresser.... they can;t miss it).
After Quite time they put books back on the shelf, etc... and before bed time they remove any toys they might have brought in there during the day.
Each step takes maybe 3 to 5 mins tops, and it;s broken up thruout the day so it doesn;t feel like a traditional "chore" just more a part of the daily routine.

I have my 10yr brother on the same sort of routine. although he also has a desk/school area, and he is responsible for other 1x a week chores like vaccuming, changing sheets, and carrying the laundry up and down the stairs etc.

Of course I still have to go in thier about 2x a week and give it the mommy once over. Straightening the bedsheets to my 3yo is just not the same as straiughtening the sheets to me. But she does her best to her level, and it all works out for everyone.

HTH, :)

You sound like you're being reasonable. I would suggest though, as it seems as though it's not cleaned up each night, that the first time will need to be a family affair and not at bedtime. After the room is in good shape, monitor and assist with the cleanup each night. Be sure to start early enought that you're not rushing to get them to bed or that they're staying up crazy late. Slowly reduce your involvement in the cleanup until they are weaned properly and can manage themselves. If they just blatantly defy this expectation - whatever's not in the proper place gets bagged up and donated. Actually do it. Don't threaten it - don't even mention it until it's done. It'll only take once. I had a friend who bagged it up and kept it. The child had to negoitiate at their next family meeting how they were going to "earn" each toy back - it took forever! Either way, messes on the floor at bedtime is a family expectation and there are conseqences when expectations aren't met. Losing toys or having to earn them back are natural consequences because it teaches them to care for their stuff. They'll be more responsible for it in the long run. Good Luck!

First, you and your husband need to decide together (outside of the presence of the kids) what the minimum standards will be. I would draw the line at these things: no food, food wrappers, plates, glasses, etc. left in the room. (it will draw bugs) Clothes must be hung up or folded and put away. They'll look better and last longer and clothes are expensive. School books, library books notebooks must be in their place. Learning is too important to throw these tools around.

After that you can negotiate with your hubby on what you'll both expect and enforce. I would require that there be a safe way for you to get in the room and for them to get out (if they are sick and you need to get to them at night) or they need to leave suddenly (sick, fire, etc).

Make a check list and go over it with them. Put a check or a sticker on each item on the checklist when it is completed. The 5 year old will still need help, but that can be special parent/child time if you handle it right. I think that they'll need the itemized list to know what you expect.

With my son I had different levels of clean I would ask for: "Safe clean" - (get your stuff off the floor) "Healthy clean" - (nothing that will draw bugs, mold, etc.) and "Grandma clean" - (Grandma is coming for a visit and your room has to be pretty enough to be photographed for a magazine).

Personally, I ask that all the beds be made each day. This takes only a minute and truely does change the feel of the room and makes for more restful sleep. I think it's good for self image to have a nice room to go to.

We have a similar situation in our house, only we are opposites--my husband is the 'clean freak,' wanting everything tidy all the time, while I'm more concerned with actual cleanliness--a little clutter doesn't really bother me, but I can't stand walking barefoot on a sticky floor or using a bathroom that has water and toothpaste spots all over the counter and mirror. I have to say my kids have gotten better about their rooms just with my husband's constant reminders and occasional angry outbursts. I think you have to just remind then CONSTANTLY, something I'm not good at. My children are 12, 9 and 4, and I have to say that things have improved as they've gotten older and established habits (ie, my 12 year old makes her bed every morning before she goes to school). The difficulty is that you have to become a broken record before they actually 'get it' and start doing things out of habit. I've also noticed that a lot of my friends have homes that are always tidy, but others have homes that are always a mess, so I think families just run the gamut. I think you just have to find what is comfortable and right for you and your family and try to stick to that. Summer is a great time for closet cleaning! Good luck!

I totally understand where you're coming from. Remember that the Hubby and kids definition of "CLEAN" is not going to be the same as what you expect. I have a 12yo daughter and almost 9yr. son. The older they get it seems like they understand the word clean less. I use to could not have passed the couch and see a pillow out of place without it bothering me. I'm getting better about it though. I do think that they should keep their rooms and belongings tidy. I expect my kids to make their beds every morning. Clean the table after their meals and also empty dishwasher/put away dishes. On weekends they change sheets on bed and vaccum/dust their rooms. I sometimes have my son help his dad with the trash. My daughter helps keeps their bath room clean. As they get older, I give them a little more responsiblity. Daughter is starting to learn laundry, ironing and cooking. I do let them put their clothes away now though. One thing I started doing is...when I see something of theirs out of place (not in their rooms) I have them get it and not pick it up myself (which I use to do). You just have to figure out what you think is age appropriate for your childen. I do agree and think that the family as a WHOLE should share in the daily responsiblities. Not everything is going to always get done everyday so you do have to understand if something is missed for a day or two. Unless your children are exceptional to the norm, you will also have to constantly remind them of what you expect. "This is the world of moms!"
Best Wishes

I have 5 and 2 year yr old daughters. My 5 year old was interested in cleaning her room about a year ago, so I made it part of her daily chart to earn computer time. This really helps on days she's not interested in cleaning. She is expected to make her bed, clean up clothes and toys daily. I ask her if she did it when she comes downstairs and when I see her running between rooms during the day. She may not switch activities until the last one was cleaned up. (When she has friends over, I've noticed some of them have no clue how to clean up and some won't help clean after an activity) This helps tremendously with end of the day upkeep. Cleaning up activities when they're done is the same for my 2 yr old. She gets a kick out of putting clothes in the hamper, but that's it for her.

I think it is reasonable for your kids to tidy up every day. May 2 1/2 year old girl picks up her playroom by herself mostly. Good luck!

The way I see it, children are not born responsible and organized any more than they are born potty trained. These are skills that we have to teach them. My daughter has to straighten her room every night, and on Saturday mornings we have a "big clean" which I help with that involves organizing the closet, straightening up the shelves and changing the sheets. About once a year (usually before school starts) we have a "Super Big Clean" where we get rid of clothes that don't fit, we donate toys she doesn't play with and we go through memorabilia stuff and decide what is worth keeping and what we can toss. She has a large under the bed plastic container for the things that she wants to keep. I take the things I want to keep and put them in her scrapbook. My daughter is definitly a pack-rat and that always makes it harder to keep up with. Try to lead by example on that one, but don't push it. I learned the hard way that it just makes them want to hold on to every thing more!
Good Luck.
K.

It is not unreasonable to have your kids keep their rooms tidy. My 11yo just found treasures he had been looking for after I told him specifically what I wanted him to take care of in this room. This was more than the daily put your wash in the hamper and homework away.

I have made it part of their chores to have homework done and put away. If they do not do it every day, they do not get paid for it. We pay allowance every month and go over with each boy where they lost money and what they need to work on. It sometimes works.

As for your DH, try having your kids get it done and see how much he enjoys a cleaner house. That worked with mine!

Good Luck

your expectations are reasonable. let them reap the consequences of not living up to them--lost homework, no clean clothes, tripping over shoes, etc. close the doors to their rooms so you don't see the mess. but don't let them have fun while the rooms are awful! no tv, no outings on the weekend, etc. good luck--I actually found "close the door" to be most sanity-saving!

Brenda,

You have received wonderful advice for and reinforcement of approaches to teach your children to actively participate in housekeeping. Learning to keep their environments clean and tidy is a marvelous life-skill that everyone SHOULD learn, and it will serve them well (with sanity and happiness in their future homes!)

The only thing that I want to add is in reference to your comment that, now, you are "...usually met with whining and complaining." Whoa! Nip THIS in the bud and your children will (or SHOULD) thank-you! Self-awareness of "tones" is a learned life-skill that will also serve them well in future relationships.

I speak from the voice of experience in WISHING that my mom and dad would have been more vigilant in challenging me if (and when) I EVER made a sound that even approximated "whining" (and I can admit that I did whine, at times.) It doesn't happen often now, but occasionally, I manage to slip into a tone that causes my husband of 6 years to say, "Don't whine!" When this happened, it just KILLED me because my sentiments at those moments were NOT ones of complaining (I believe). This usually happened when I was "trying" to be a little coquettish, fetching or endearing -- so boy, did my attempts ever backfire. His reaction (and intolerance) caused me to examine my motives to determine if, even unconsciously, I was pleading, cajoling or downright complaining. In a (very) few cases, I had to acknowledge that I was! So now, in my mid-50's, I am trying to self-police to make sure that I NEVER whine (because I can't stand that trait in others, whether children or adults.) I am actually THANKFUL that my husband called attention to it when it happened, because I have become able to hear the misused tone and eliminate it from my communications. In this one area, I WISH my parents had made me self-aware of this tone many, many years ago. In addition, I have become very self-aware of my motives and have tried to eliminate any exhibitions of a complaining spirit. I am so BLESSED and have have SO MUCH to be thankful for, that I never want to unconsciously communicate anything else.

Just a word of encouragement to PREVENT a habit that none of us would want to acquire!

Hugs,
K.*

[*Living proof that it is never too late to learn and work on one's self!]

I think perhaps you need to be more specific-as in you want their rooms to be picked up-with everything put back where it goes. I admit to being a neat freak but I am also a very visual person so clutter past a certain point makes me nuts. All of my children learned the phrase "put it back where it goes" at a very early age. A picked up room isn't necessarily a clean room. I would recommend that you do a spot check every evening before "free" time-such as tv time. If things are kept picked up then the actual cleaning of dusting, vacumning, ect takes very little time. Having said that, everything needs a place to go. We have bins (like Rubbermaid containers with lids) with everyone's initals on them and all of the birthday cards, newspaper clippings, awards go in their bin and we keep the bin. Some of us are on our third bin! I keep the bins in our storage. You can decide how much clutter is acceptable and how much is too much, and you need to discuss with dad that you both should try to agree-because in the long run it is easier to keep things picked up than deal with the frustration. How about a family meeting where you explain the plan and go over very specific levels of "picked up"? I do sewing and all types of projects but they are still contained mostly because I don't have an extra room. Every night before I go to bed I pick up the last of the remainders. Anything that isn't mine to pick up -like my son's shoes he left in front of the tv I put in a basket and he has to pay the fine-it varies from .25 to $1 based on age-to get it back. We save all of the fine money for a pizza night. It doesn't take them very long to get in the habit of picking things up! Especially because I don't always let them ransom the next day-I decide when they can pay the fine within the next week. Good luck! And remember you are not only making things easier for yourself, you are training your children to be more responsible!

It is nice to find a nice happy medium. I have strived for a basically clean but not completely put up environment. To me people that have perfect houses do nothing else. A lived in house means you have interests and hobbies going on and there will be some messes. It is good to throw things out and try to keep what comes back in to a minimum. I never made cleaning house the top priority. I wanted a happy home over a sterile home. I did make my kids pick up and clean before they could do something they wanted. Like get your room cleaned up and then I will take you skating or to the mall. Kind of thing.
I would love to know more about your freelance writing. That interests me more than the clean house. I am a teacher but would love to do some of that in the summers.

I always gave the kids the option of daily clean up or Saturday - you can't go out to play until your room is clean. During the week I closed their doors. On Sat, however, I was very strict and made them completely clean up before going out. You ask how much is enough? Upon my first 'room check', I would go in and anything they had thrown under the bed, behind the chest, shoved in drawers, in other words, not really put away, I would simply make a pile of all this in the middle of their room. Then I would tell them, well you got a good start and as soon as you put away your pile, you'll be all done. Then they would come out a little while later for their next room check. And I would go through this again, sometimes emerging with leaving just a smaller pile. And so on, until it was done and I mean TRULY done! One of my daughters would clean daily, and Sat's were no big deal for her. THe other daughter would be a slob all week and then spend a large portion of her Saturday cleaning. Eventually she figured out that she hated giving up her free Saturday afternoons and got with the program!

I would suggest finding something that motivates them. We live in a neighborhood where my kids all have friends nearby. My children cannot play with friends, play on the computer, or play video games on the wii if they don't straighten up their rooms, finish homework and do one or two other chores first.

For my 6 year old she makes her bed, and picks up the floor of her room, takes the dirty clothes to the laundry room and cleans out the trash in the car. For my 9 year old he makes his bed and cleans up the floor in his room, vacuums and straightens the living room, takes out the recycling and garbage and if it's his week for dishes he loads the dishwasher (he and my 12 year-old daughter alternate weeks). This may sound like a lot, but they are able to get their chores done in about 15 to 20 minutes. We are a family of 6 and everyone needs to pitch in or things would just be chaotic and messy all the time. Once a week, usually Saturday mornings, I help the kids organize and vacuum their rooms so it's easier for them to keep them clean during the week.

We set up a chore chart about 18 months ago. The children get paid a commission each Saturday for the chores they do each week on the chore chart. They also get paid according to how well they do their chores. They get a bonus if they did a fantastic job.

Hope this helps! Good luck! You cannot and should not be doing it all. Children need to learn to be independent and responsible and doing a few chores every day is a good way to learn.

P.S.

I have a sanity room in my house. My front room. That room is always clean so if I ever have company drop by unexpectedly I have somewhere clean to receive them. It's also a comfortable place for me to go read a book or play the piano.

Don't worry: if you came to my house, it would be a mess. Housekeeping has never been a priority with me, and it's even worse now!

Two suggestions. First, contrary to what others have said, what about having a house meeting with ALL the family to negotiate and discuss what will be the family standards of tidiness? Talk to the kids about how it hurts to step on your toys and hurt your feet, how it's nice to be able to find the stuff you want to use (and by "you" I mean the kidss.) Get them to participate in the decision and they will be more likely to own it. That may require compromise on your part, but then at least everyone will be on board.

Second, if you don't want to do that, or if you want to be really strict about it, tell them that you will do an inspection at X time, and everything that's not up off the floor, you will throw away. Period. End of discussion. Then follow through with it. I know someone who did this, and the kids picked up on it within two days when they realized she meant business.

Myself, I'd go with the first suggestion, but I'm just tossing out both of these to you. Personally, it's not worth it to me to get into fights with people and housecleaning because everyone has different standards.

Hi Brenda,
With the ages of your children they should be able to keep clothes off the floor and shoes in the closet.....but...with my experience- 'FORGET IT".........what is really messy to you is not messy to them- they just do not see what you see ......post their responsibilities on their closet doors where they can be reminded daily- then if they comply- give them an unexpected surprise- kids just need to be kids so if it gets to be too much on you- just shut the doors- don't pick up their things for laundry- when their favorite thing is dirty and not available- well- guess whereit is???but the 5 year old is way to young to put too much pressure on just yet- she will come around when she sees how pleased you are that she has done something to the best of her abiity- just remember to chose your battles carefully- housework will still be there when the children are out of the house-
good luck and blessings

I think it is completely reasonable for you to require the kids to put away their clothes, shoes and have school work / binders ready to go the next day. You are correct - consistency is the best approach.

I require the same during the week - and slack off a tad on the weekends - we all need our downtime.

You also have to set an example. My Mother and Brother both are packrats - my Dad and I were not. My Husband is not. Our daughter on the other hand has those tendencies. We pick up after ourselves during the week and we straighten on the weekends. A good cleaning happens about every 2 weeks. We ask our daughter to follow our example - she has to pick up during the week, put her toys away at the end of the weekend, and straighten her closet, etc every 2 weeks with us.

Good luck on this - it can be struggle.

I have similar issues and have come up with a happy medium. My boys are 7 and 4. My husband believes that "cleaning their room" means getting everything off the floor. Unfortunately that means everything (toys, laundry, cups, books) are all shoved on the top of the play table, so when they want something or need to use the table, it all gets shoved back on the floor. My idea of cleaning up the room is to put each item back where it goes and I do admit I am a little OCD about it. Each child has a book shelf and a toy bin rack. Each bin is labled with words and pictures of what goes into them (balls, cars, outdoor stuff, music stuff, actions figures, etc...) We used to constantly disagree over this. Vern (my hubby) would supervise them cleaning up and then I would go in and redo it all!! It was disrespectful to my hubby and frustrating to both of us. What we do now is on a daily basis they work together (both boys) cleaning each room. They gather laundry and put in hamper, hangers in laundry room, dishes in sink, bed made, then finish with the Dad method of cleaning. Once a week we completely clean each room (both boys and I). We start in one room and everything we find that is missing pieces, broken, or belong's in the other kid's room goes into the hallway. Then we do the same with the other room. Everything left in the hallway that is still missing pieces goes in the trash. They are learning that some of their stuff is getting thrown away because they aren't keeping up with it. We also assess the current usage of toys. If they no longer play with them, they get donated or tossed. We also have a time out box in the master bedroom closet. Any toys left outside of their rooms after they have finished playing with them, go into the time out box. They have to perform chores to earn them back. I also enforce that when they have friends over, the rooms are clean before they arrive and before they leave. I also have seen quite a bit of shock on some of the other kids when asked to clean up after themselves.