What Is Appropriate Consequence for Fooling Around at the Kitchen Table?

I totally had a whole different idea about what this topic was going to be about...>LOLOLOL and I thought you said "on the kitchen table" LOL.

Anyway, Give them a warning then set them in time out or whatever discipline method you use. Have them try it again. If they still misbehave, try again. They'll learn. It takes a lot of consistency. Good luck!!

Bravo M.!!! They will listen when there are consequences.

And I actually thought you broke the table or something while "fooling around". Yeah my mind's with Jaimee K's.

At first i thought you said "fooling around ON the kitchen table".......totally different topic

I always just calmly said, your behavior is telling me you are done, and took the plate. they won't starve.

If my DD cannot sit or at least be quiet, her meal is over and she has to leave the table. If there is anything special, she cannot have it. No pumpkin pie, no cupcakes, no strawberry flavored milk. Nothing special before bed.

If she is throwing things, she gets to sit in time out, which she hates.

When the big kids were small, DH used 3 pennies and a small glass cup. If they acted up, he brought the glass over and dumped it out. That was 1. If all the pennies went in the cup, then the child was removed from the table and had to go to his/her room. It was very useful with company around. Obviously he trained them about this cup before it was really effective, but in all our years, I only saw the cup get filled once. SD would smarten up because her antics were often to get the attention of the guest and if she had to leave, she could not get any attention.

We are also working on "may I be excused, please?" with our youngest which is how nice little girls ask to leave the table, not by throwing things.

I would also sit them so the 2 yr old is in a booster with a strap or otherwise restrained at the table (we use our highchair pulled to the table to give DD enough height). Then put them so it's parent-child-parent-child and they cannot touch each other.

Do not feel bad for teaching your children manners.

I read the thread & only agree w/S' M. Her answer is very smart.
Let the kids put what they inted on eating on their plate.
Only fill their cups 1/2 way (you can always get more once they eat some)
Never have the TV on nearby.
Make sure snack near dinner time is light.
Never use food as a punishment.
And sending a child to bed w/o food because they wouldn't eat it is cruel
because at that age they cannot quite reason, think ahead, weigh
consequences & most parents do not ever go to bed hungry. Quite the
opposite so they have no idea how difficult it is to go to bed w/a hungry,
rumbling stomach.
Food is nourishment. Never to be used as a tool or punishment.

i'm with your husband. we only had to do that with our toddler 2 times before he realized that meal time was to eat not play. no more issues!

I agree with your husband. The dinner table is for eating not playing. We don't eat at the table every night but when we do the kids know that they eat or they are done with their food until they can sit at the table.

I realize my answer won't be mainstream, but here it goes anyway. I never use food as part of any punishment. My kids are taught that chairs are for sitting, not standing, table is to sit down and eat not play. If you're playing then you must not be hungry and you can sit quietly and be polite to the rest of us. Another thing is my kids put on their plate what they intend on eating, I don't serve their plate for them. (this actually began at the daycare they attend, I liked it and adopted it for home). When you stated your kids are playing with their food, I immediately thought they must not be hungry, how close is their snack before dinner time and how heavy/light is that snack? I disagree with your husband that you are being too lenient, you're not just factor in they may have a smaller appetite than the portion on their plate and they are kids after all. Good luck and may you find peace in dinner time. Oh and as for drinks we only fill their open cups half way and give more as requested.

I agree with Dawn B, AND A G. You did the right thing, warn them before meals the next couple of days, then no more warnings, the meal is over when playtime begins. Hunger is a great motivator and they won't starve ; )

.

I didn't read the thread or know how other mom's responded, but I must say that the behavior of your 2 and 4 YO's is totally unacceptable. However, I must commend you for having family dinner time as so many families don't do this anymore although it's so important. The way you handled you most recent situation by taking their food away was perfect! I had to use that strategy for my daughter when she was a toddler, which was recommended by her Occupational Therapist. Going forward, I would sit with the kids and tell them the rules while at the table. I may even go so far as posting the rules on the wall nearest the table. For my kids (they're older now - 10 & 7), if they can't follow the table rules (now it's funny to fart and burp at the table), I will put them in "time out". Time out for them now is standing with their nose on the wall because they would actually play in time out and I needed time out to be a consequence. It works! I have sent one of them to bed without dinner once because of continued poor manners at the table. The kids are fine and definitely learn. You have to be strict to set the tone of expectations and your kids are at the perfect age to learn. One additional question is how long are you expecting your kids to sit at the table? It's not uncommon for kids at this age to behave in the beginning but lose control after about 10 minutes. I learned from our OT to set a timer and allow 10-15 minutes for meal time and then end it there. If your kids behave at the beginning of the meal, then a timer may be a good solution.

I tell the kids before they sit down that if they start fooling around then it is time for a nap or bed mattering on the time of day. I don't give a warning I just get up take the plate and put them in bed. If they say they are hungry I let them try agian in a hour or so. If they fail again, they eat it for the next meal.

You did the right thing. As much as you can, allow natural consequences to train them. If their food hits the floor, too bad, "you must not have been hungry." No child ever died missing a single meal.

This is NOT "sending them to bed without any supper." This is allowing the consequences of their actions to hit them.

Best of luck!

you did just fine. I would suggest that you make sure they are not having too much food on their plates and or in the glasses. if milk is dumping a lot I would get sippy cups. I know a pain in the butt but eliminates the spilling. as far as the food goes they should only have like a tablespoon of each thing. don't put them up to the table til your ready to eat. and the first sign of messing around your hubby is right put them down away from the table. put the 2 year old back in a highchair

Wow. I feel like I'm an alien. It just sounds like little boys being boys. If my son is not into eating I ask all done? If he says yes off he goes. At 2 I don't expect too much more. I try to teach him to understand feeling full and if so you are done. Your husband would think I'm a nut!

well, i have done the same thing. I think it's a bit tough, but I can't think of a better option. My kids have become so much better at the table...so stick with it.

Hi

I agree with everyone else - you did the right thing.

I just wanted to add that, in general, if you and daddy aren't on the same 'page' in terms of what is 'acceptable' your kids are at the age where they are about to begin 'playing' you against each other, if they haven't already. So, have some conversations so that you are BOTH comfortable with establishing consistent rules and consequences for behaviors that are going to be common. That way you guys will be on the same page and it won't take so long for the boys to join you on that page. (You didn't say if that's a factor in other areas, I'm just guessing).

Good Luck!

Do you have the TV on somewhere where they can hear it, worse yet see it?

TV always seems like a good idea, I mean they should watch, sit still right? I had problems until dinner time because conversation only.

I agree, One warning or at the most two, is sufficient. It's been awhile since I read the book 1-2-3-? but I think their way of disciplining would help you.

You did the logical thing but just waited too long so that you were angry when you did it. The anger takes away from the lesson. They learn that they can make mommy mad which give them some control over you. Send them from the table before frustration gets the better of you.

I suggest that with calm and consistent removing them from the table they will learn to be better behaved. Be firm but not frustrated or angry.

I only have 1 child but mealtime is my trigger. I can't stand it when she throws food on the floor, won't eat or procrastinates until I threaten to take it away, begs for me to feed her when I know she's capable of doing it herself, pouring her water into her food, etc. Everything I've heard from other parents suggests we should be consistent with mealtime rules. Only allowing them to eat when they're seated in their chairs. If they get up, mealtime is over. If they have to be warned more than 1x, dinner is taken away - either until they can eat properly (and separately if you haven't already made sure they're not right next to each other) or not at all.

Our son is 3 and it's hard enough just getting him to eat let alone sit at the table. But, we do. Someone mentioned a timer and I think that is a good idea. We have instituted the following when our son starts to play rather than eat after about 10-15 minutes:

Us: Are you done eating for the night?
Him: yes
Us: If you are done eating for the night, you may ask to be excused. Remember, no more eating before bed time though. Are you sure you're done eating?

He will either decide that he's not done eating at which time, we remind him that he needs to stay in his seat and eat, not play. We remind him that it's okay to have fun & laugh together, but it's not play time. Or, he will confirm that he, in fact, is full, at which time he must ask to be excused.

We excuse him and require him to carry his plate to the counter/sink. He is then allowed to play quietly (still no t.v. on because we are still eating) either in his room or the living room until we're done eating.

Depending on the length of time between dinner & bedtime, he may be allowed to eat again if he gets hungry again, but it has to be whatever dinner he didn't eat and he has to go back to the dinner table.

It just takes time & consistency. Keep up the good work.