What Falls into Actual Child Support?

Do not give her money. You give her what she is suppose to get. No more. If he needs something, have her ask you, and you get it. Do not give her the money you get it. If you think the child needs it. I would give her what she suppose to get, no more, no less. If he needs something else have her call you. And if you want to get it, you get it. Don't give her the money, because the child probably would'nt get it any way. She just probably trying to husle money from you for her own use, maybe. But I would tell her to let you know if the child needs it and I would get it myself. I would'nt give her the money.

Hi M.:
If the expense,is over and above what your husband was ordered to pay in child support, she is responsible for that debt,unless he has agreed to help with any extra expences. I would insist on a receipt, and that in the future,if she wants extra funds for the son, to discuss and have a mutual agreement regarding this,Its not appropriate,or acceptable springing it on the two of you after the fact. Its called (CONSIDERATION) I wish you both the best. J.

Immediately contact your attorney. When was the original agreement decided? Suggest you re-visit it at the beginning of the year or definitely, after legal counsel (not spur of the moment, or even when I unilaterally decide to do something). The rules should not change mid stream. Each should cover their own costs, when the child is with that person.

This is a loaded subject with lots of pitfalls. basically anything that benefits the child can be considered child support. Food, clothing, shelter (rent or mortgage), utilities, car payments (you drive the child in the car), car insurance (needed to be able to drive the car), gas, doctor, dentist. That being said if she has no receipts to prove the actual cost she has the burden to prove it is legitimate. And she should be consulting the father before she spends large sums of money.
I strongly suggest that you buy two composition notebooks like you used in school. In one keep a log of EVERYTHING you pay for and EVERYTHING she requests reimbursement for. You have a right to request proof of the expenses. And keep your receipts. In the other notebook keep a journal of ALL time spent with the child and phone calls too.
These could be invaluable if she ever tries to claim that dad is not paying his fair share or not exercising his visitation or if she goes back to court to change the custody or support order. I have a friend who did this from the time of her divorce when her son was age 8. At age 12 she went back in for an increase in support, teenagers are more expensive and the cost of living has increased in 4 years. Dad tried to claim he saw the child all the time but she could prove exactly when he saw his son and even when she had driven the son to Valencia after dad moved to Bakersfield to make visitation easier for dad. All I can say is document, document, document. It may seem petty but consider it an insurance policy. The reason you use composition notebooks is because it is easy to tell if pages have been torn out.

Hi M.,

My daughter's father is ordered to pay child support for our almost 4 year old. The order doesn't say what the support is for. My understanding of it is that whoever the child lives with for the majority of the time, obviously has a higher cost associated with taking care of that child. The child support is to go to help supplement the extra cost of that child. It is up to the custodial parent to decide where that money goes. The State pretty much assumes that the parent is going to use the money wisely and in the best interest of the child. what my husband and I do with the support money is put it in a savings account for our daughter. We figure it is really her money and not ours.

For the most part, child support money is to be used at the custodial parent's discretion. Usually that is for food, utilities and clothes for that child and should be a supplement. I don't think that it is right to use the support money to go out and blow it on things not for the child. If I was the one making the child support payments, and was all of a sudden asked to pay more money, I would ask for receipts first. Then I would remind them that they are also obligated to pay some of the child's expenses, above and beyond what the child support pays for. It is not your fault if the ex-wife did not manage the money wisely.

Good luck!!

L.

It really depends on what your order says, assuming that your husband and his ex wife have one. I'm a bonus-mom - and happy to say my bonus daughter just moved in with us full time. In the original order we had everything spelled out. Child Support covered basically the cost of living (home, food, clothes, etc) and then we had to pay additional when she was in daycare and for any extras, i.e. sports, medical bills, etc. Everything was 1/2 though and she most definitely HAD to supply a receipt of whatever she was asking payment for. Child care was above and beyond child support.
I agree with the poster who said the child comes first, to an extent. Your marriage and your relationship with your husband should not always come last though. It's a give and take and being a bonus parent is hard, but you shouldn't expect to be the 2nd priority all the time either.
Best of luck!

I personally think it's best you use your "best" judgement.

Was this expense necessary? was it something out of the ordinary his son might have needed or wanted? Was it an unexpected medical bill? Use your best judgement. I would pay, but I would make it clear, that next time I need receipts.

Remembering, to always keep things amicable, is in the best interest of the child. No matter how bad the situation is.

If it is a reasonable request for something that the child really needs and the money isn't going to put your family in a bind, I would pay. I would also make it very clear that any future contributions of this nature, on you part, would need to be supported by receipts or something of that nature. In the end, it is really up to your husbands judgement to give anything additional above and beyond what he is ordered to pay. Be fair, think of the little boy and don't just assume that his mother is trying to take advantage.

I sympathize. Do the best you can.