This past weekend my husband set up to meet his old Jiu Jitsu instructor at our house, at 11 o"clock for a private lesson. So, the house is clean, I got my daughter ready (just in case she got upset that daddy was playing the in garage with out her, :) ) so I could take her somewhere, even though we normally put her down at noon. Eleven rolls around, no guy. I ask my husband if he really expected him to be on time, the guy is notoriously late. My husband laughed and said no. My daughter is getting restless so I take her for a bike ride around the block. We don't get even a quarter of the way around when my husband comes jogging up, telling me the guy canceled. I say, "What did he call you?" No, my husband called HIM. The guy says his grandmother passed away a couple days ago and he is headed to her funeral.
Ok, I get that you couldn't make it and I am sorry for his loss. But why couldn't he have called and canceled? We could have made other plans for the day. I guess I wouldn't be so annoyed if this guy didn't do stuff like this all the time. Now, he is supposed to come over tomorrow, and I guess we will see if he actually shows.
Is it just me, or if I know I have something planned with someone and I can't make it for whatever reason, they are usually the first person I call and tell about it. I have NEVER just not showed up. Have you guys ever just not showed up for something?
I do totally understand that grief make you forget things, it's not like I feel that we should have been a priority even. I guess people handle things differently. How I cope, is by getting into details. Making sure everything is taken care of. Maybe I am the weird one. :)
Busy mom: Yes, I have. Several times. There was the night that I was supposed to meet some girlfriends when I got a call saying that my grandfather went code blue in the hospital. After a few minutes panic, and calling some other family members, I called my friends told them what happened and that I wouldn't be there.
Then there was the day that I was supposed to meet my co worker for lunch when my sister called and said they were admitting her into the hospital because her amniotic fluid was low and she was in an emergency situation. Still called the friend and let her know that I wasn't going to make it. All the while driving to the hospital.
If it had been a lame excuse then I would be right with you but when a family member dies so does part of the brain for a while. As a rule he should have called but considering his grandma died, come on, cut him some slack.
My grandma died suddenly and I can't even remember anything for weeks after that.
Did he at least apologize? I would need to know that he at least cares that he stood me up before letting him off the hook.
the guy can easily continue his habit of discourtesy because it's not affecting him.
i would never do business with this person again.
khairete
S.
I'm with ya! Our daughter had a play date a week or so back. Her little friend came to our house and the girls mother was scheduled to be at our house at 5:30 p.m. Well, 6 o'clock rolls around and no mom. We didn't have plans but that isn't the point.
I asked my wife "should I call?". We waited until 6:10 and I called the girls mom. She answered and I played it off saying "did we say 5:30 or 6?" (late either way) she said "oh we said 5:30, but I'm running late, had a few errands to run, I'll be there shortly". REALLY, glad I could help lady!
Lesson learned. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of life I guess.
But people really have little concern for others unless it effects them.
Often times People. Just. Don't. Think.
And yes, Moms. Need. A. Plan.
;(
It's buried between chivalry and decorum.
Of course this is ridiculous. MOST people are smart enough to know to call and cancel ASAP..
I would hope most of the people you deal with would call. This guy just sounds flaky.
Its super rude and of course inconsiderate. Its highly not surprising though. I am a stickler for on time, and meet my obligations. I hate it when those that say they will do something or will show somewhere, do not, or roll in hours late. They then turn it around on you and tell you, to relax your too uptight.
Not my cup of tea. If I know those people are the way they are. I make the time, if they dont show up and are 5 minutes past. I go do something else. I always have a plan A, B and C with these people. I also stopped getting my hopes up or my panties in a twist. Burn me once, its ok. Burn me twice your on a list. Its a short one, and that person is not high on my priority ladder.
I have a very good friend that has a habit of cancelling minutes before, or not showing up to things for almost an hour late. She never calls, she rarely picks up the phone, and very rarely will text. Funny, though her phone works, and texts are flying a minute a mile when she wants something or wants to talk. So I gave up on her. If she wants to do something, she has to call and set it up. The I do the showing up, but never with out 3 other plans in motion. Now a days, and it happens every where around the world. Its a ME world. If I dont want too, if I dont like it, If I dont feel like it. Everyone else suffers. More and more people have lost consideration for others. I try my best to always cancel or call ahead of time, like hours if I can, I always try to be on time, or call if I will be late. Maybe once or twice in a LONG time do I completely forget something.
Death can be an excuse, because in grief you do forget lots of obligations, however if she died a few days ago and just made these plans with your husband, chances are he didnt forget, he just blew it off.
Given the death in the family, arrangements and grief, I can completely understand. I can picture it happening. Its not right but I can see how that would happen. I know you were inconvenienced but if something major happens in your family, more than likely you will not remember anything else too. It would happen to me too, and I would feel horrible for forgetting something like an appt.
I invited a gal pal over with her son and when she didn't show up at the appointed hour, I figured she was running late. A half hour goes by, an hour, an hour and half goes by when I finally I call her to see when she's coming. She forgot! I don't understand this "forgetfulness." I really don't and I understand people get busy but to blame EVERYTHING on, "Oh, I forgot," is just lame and terribly inconsiderate. I call when I'm running late or when I have to cancel. I even call doctor's offices when I'm on the road and I expect to run a few minutes late. It's called common courtesy and it's something that is lost in today's society.
I agree with you. It irks me when people do this too. We have come across this several times over the years, but the most irritating was when my BIL lived about an hour away while he was in grad school. He made plans with my husband and those plans required my husband to leave work early to accomodate his brothers schedule. Then the brother never showed up or called. He said he was busy with work and school and got caught up. Grrrr! I thought it was SO inconsiderate that a 15 second phone call could not be made "sorry bro, can't make it can't get out of work." After that we stopped going out of our way to see him. If it worked out for us, fine, if not then that's ok too. We didn't see him much after that and now he lives across the country in SF, so it doesn't matter.
This happened ALL THE TIME when we were trying to sell our house - people made appointments to see the place - I'd clean it up spick-and-spam and no-show. That's different, I know, but so irritating.
I think some people are not as organized as others. Maybe the guy thought you would be home anyway so it didn't matter if he didn't show - he probably didn't think of all the other work that went into preparing for his visit.
He could have called, yes. I chalk it up to a really brain dead moment and some of us have more than others. I try really hard not to leave people wondering (even if the call is after the start time) but occasionally....
I was late to a hair appointment this weekend. I mixed up my time and I thought I was a little early when I was late! First time in about 10 years that I mixed it up. I gave her a really big tip for waiting. She said at least I gave them my phone number. Some people don't even do that so the stylists are left twiddling their thumbs wondering if the person is going to show at all. I felt so bad!
The only time I didn't show up at all to something like that was about 4 years ago when I forgot a rehearsal for a church play and I was the director. I totally zoned on it - I even drove by the church! I have declined to direct the show since. I was mortified. It was a schedule change and it threw me off and I wasn't thinking that I had other things to do after I got SD.
Given the circumstances, I would understand. It wasn't a regular gig so it might not have been as prominent on his radar.
I do think whenever possible, you should be on time or call. And call as soon as you know you will be late/not coming. I have a friend I see very little of because he does things like not call and when you call him well after he should have arrived, he's just now eating or just now leaving or whatever. If it's an event where we have to be somewhere at a particular time, we don't even wait. We say, "We'll catch up there" and if they don't come, they don't come.
Sounds like he was a flake even before this last incident. He certainly doesn't take his profession seriously. If I were you, I'd find another instructor. He can't be THAT good, right? Sorry he threw a wrench into your day.
If this person is always late, then stop using him. Tell him that it dosent work for you for him to be late all the time. Tell himyou would not recommend him due to his late time keeping.
I'm with you. Being the fact that most if not all adults have cell phones, it doesn't take much to pick up the phone, like you said on the way to the hospital. However, people are so self centered in their own world, they don't consider it important to let others know when they won't be somewhere. I know that people forget, I have done that more than once, but when I forget, I apologize profusely and let the person know what happened. Then I take steps to not do it again. Bettering myself and thinking about others....but that is just me I guess.
I agree with you. If I am going to be late at all or unable to make an appt, I call immediately. I have NEVER not showed up or anything like that. In this case, I would cut the guy a little slack because he has such a huge loss with grandmother etc. But...if he is notorious for being flaky or late, I wouldn't use his services anymore. I would tell him that unfortunately you can't use him anymore if he doesn't have to courtesy to call and let you know whats up. GL
M
