Here is some background on him...
When I divorced my first husband my son ( 8 at the time) found out that he was adopted by my ex. Explained why and age appropriate about his bio dad. My ex then cut my son out of his life when he was 12. When he was 13 he started in with a lot of behavior problems. He admitted he was depressed, we got him on antidepressants. Things were getting worse and he was becoming violent. We got him into counseling. After 4 therapist telling me I was the problem and not my son, we found one that was willing to listen to BOTH sides. Then Ty's "stories" stopped and he started telling the truth. After our therapist review, his ped, a psychologist reports all got gathered together on their findings they said my son had Intermediate Explosive Disorder, but there is no cure all for that. Just tips on how to control his anger. Things did get better with continued therapy until he was 15. Last year I divorced my second husband. I know my son had a really hard time with it. I moved an hour away and he chose to stay with my ex since he was a Jr in school. I have him 4 days a week now ( Friday after school until Monday before school and Wednes nights). He recently broke up with his girl friend, that took a toll on him also. Back in October he fell off of a retaining wall he was walking on and hit his head on the sidewalk giving him a major concussion. This triggered daily major migraines. The Drs also think he is now having seizures. The concussion also kicked his depression into overdrive ( the dr said this is common). We are waiting the results from the 2 EEG's, MRI and CAT scan he has had to see if he is having seizures.
I have him back in counseling, back on antidepressants and on migraine meds. During one on his check ups at the Dr we discovered he is cutting his arm ( self harming). They weren't deep ( thankfully) but there is a lot of cuts. The ped and the therapist both told me to not be too worried, he is just "expressing" himself with his depression. I don't think it's that easy of an explanation! He told me the other day that he is tired of feeling this way and he doesn't want to take meds for the rest of his life, if he has to then he would rather end it now and be done with it. I again called his therapist and his ped and passed this on... they told me it was just a phase and keep doing what we are doing and he will get past feeling this way. Again I feel like it's not that easily of a fix. But then again they are the "professionals". He has a very supportive circle around him. His dad ( my second ex who adopted him), myself and my current boyfriend are all very close to him and he usually does open up to one of us about what is bothering him and we all fill each other in on it.
I'm just really afraid with his recent ( within the last month) starting of the cutting and now feeling suicidal and expressing it a few times in the past two weeks that I need to do more... I just don't know what it is?
I know he has had so many challenges in his life so far, more than some adults have had to deal with, but I have always done my best to help him get through it.. and we have as a team. We will get past this also, I'm just at a loss on what to do next if any of you have any idea's that would be great!
Thank you.
Teenmom, trust me he is being put before everything else at this point! That is why I'm reaching out here and not sitting back just agreeing with the dr's when in my heart I feel I'm getting the wrong advice. I guess I just wanted to validate my own feelings... and this is usually the place to do it :) I have been making two hour trips 2-3 times a week to take him to all the different appts. Financially it's taking a toll on me, but I don't regret it or would I change it, to help him. I hate seeing my son hurting!!
I just don't know what else to do besides the meds... finding the right ones and keep up with the therapy. The concussion really rattled things up there pretty bad and his brain is still healing and the Dr's think once his brain is healed then everything will go away.. hence the "phase". But Ty is too important to me to sit back and "wait" and "hope" things get better I would rather be proactive and prevent anything from getting worse or happening to him more than it already is. Thank you everyone of you, I truly appreciate it!! Plus it's nice to know that I'm not alone with my child doing this.. as scary as it is to go through this and I wouldn't wish this on any parent! Hugs to all of you who have also been through this or going through it!
I think any doctor who is dismissive of self harm or the statement that he'd rather be dead than be on medication is missing the situation. I would find him new doctors.
If he had diabetes, he'd take insulin. This is much the same. But he needs doctors who are not dismissive of his behavior.
Your therapists are wrong, in my opinion, and you are right. Cutting isn't a phase, it's a physical way of expressing/controlling internal/emotional pain. And him saying he'd rather be done with it seems like a red flag. Call a suicide/crisis hotline and talk to them. Hopefully they can give you some solutions, and maybe find better therapists that take his actions more seriously. People don't cut themselves as a "phase" or to "express" themselves.
I am so sorry to hear all this.
Whatever you are going to do, you must do it soon because once he turns 18, you lose your legal say in his treatment.
I agree with Patricia: find a new therapist. I think your focus should be his welfare ahead of everything else.
WHAT? A PHASE? you need to find your son new doctors pronto-get him into the hospital for some intense much needed therapy!! omg id be so freaked out if one of my kids talked like that. i cant believe they havent done that already.ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!!!! sounds like you got stuck with a couple of qwaks.please move fast on this before you end up having to bury your son.
If he's wanting to hurt himself/end his life then he's not safe. I strongly suggest having him hospitalized. He'll get his meds sorted out, have daily access to support groups and be able to meet with a psychiatrist. Then he can transition to intensive outpatient therapy. I'm a school counselor and have worked with many teens struggling with cutting and suicidal ideations. It must be taken seriously and I would recommend you act quickly. P.S.- if your heart is telling you something isn't right with the dr.'s, then something isn't right. Go with your instinct.
Yes, your son need to be hospitalized. I say that as a former teen that was depressed and cutting and talked about suicide. My doctor saw the cuts and I was hospitalized immediately. I am appalled at the therapist and the doctor that told you it was just a phase. He needs hardcore therapy to learn new coping skills (so he won't cut) and cognitive therapy to help him with the depression. I am so sorry you and your son are going through this, he needs inpatient care, and now.
I agree with Patricia G. My daughter also suffers from depression and has done cutting on and off for 2 years now. It's definitely not just a phase.
