Hi Moms,
I have a friend who is a great person. Her husband and her were never able to have children. They have been married for 28 years. They still act like they are dating there is hardly ever a voice raised between them. He is also wheelchair bound. She is going to be 50 and he is 65. They have 4 dogs that they treat as good as kids. A couple days ago they received a letter from a county children and youth stating that she had family in need of foster or adoptive care. There is a 6yo boy, a 18mo boy, and a baby boy born in June. She is so excited thinking she might get a chance to have these kids. She called the number on the letter and they set up an appoitment with a adoption agency. I'm trying not to get her hopes up cause I know the system screws up quite often. They told her that the children would not be ever going back to the parents. The question is what does a letter like this usually mean. The kids are her nieces.She has never meet them. Her and her family drifted apart because they didn't approve of her husband.
Nothing about this sounds legitimate, at all.
Government agencies don't just give away kids, especially to older people with zero experience with young children.
And they certainly don't make guarantees.
Is this for real???
She got a letter from an agency she hadn't applied to or had any conniption with? Then it's a huge computer error or a massive scam. If she's asked to pay any money at all, it's a scam.
If she is the next of kin to real nieces (and though she hasn't met them, she's verified that they are the children of her sister or brother and that's how the agency got her contact info), then she can first start out with basic interviewing and decide (with a lawyer advocating for her own interests or a CASA volunteer, or both), whether she wants to take custody. That comes first, long before adoption enters the picture. If these kids have been taken away from their parents, you never ever go right into adoption - you just try to get them out of temporary foster care and into placement with an appropriate family member. There should be counseling and support for her and the kids.
And it's nice that she's excited, but she needs to think about their trauma and not her excitement. This is a huge adjustment for everyone - it's not "Instant Family". If her husband is in a wheelchair and she has responsibilities for his needs, and now she's thinking of adding in 3 kids who are traumatized, she needs to realize how much help she's going to need, how much counseling the children are going to need, and how awful this must be for them.
She should probably take it to a lawyer and see what he says about it.
Taking on 3 young kids at her age and looking after her husband and 4 dogs might be a bit much for her.
What? It sounds like they are being scammed.
Mamazita has it right. They don't just give away kids.
I will say it; something stinks in Denmark. There is so much more to fostering kids than getting a letter from "children and youth". Google can be such a wonderful thing. I found this link on fostering kids in Pennsylvania.
http://www.adoptpakids.org/FosterParent.aspx
I cannot see ANY agency handing three kids over to a family member they have NEVER met especially when a drift has happened. Something stinks in Denmark.
I would need to know the exact business/agency name before I could even guess if they are legitimate. "Children and Youth" what? State of ? Children and Youth or perhaps another descriptive word either before or after te Children and Youth. You can research them on line using their name. The name you gave us is incomplete.
Know that agencies do ask relatives about placement. In fact government agencies, by law, have to rule out relatives before they can allow an adoption.
My adopted daughter was placed with me as a foster child/at risk adoption which meant that her birth mother's rights still had to be terminated and the aunt had to be investigated as a possible placement for adoption. This was done thru the state Children's Services Division.
The letter and appointment is only the beginning of a long complicated process. So it's good to not get their hopes up before they go to the appointment and learn what is happening. This could be an adoption agency, a non-profit children's agency or a state agency. It's most likely one of the last two; a state or non-profit agency.
I've never heard of an adoption scan in these circumstances so I suggest it's legitimate. However there is no way of knowing what they are offering or whether your friends will be appropriate for a placement.
I urge you to withhold judgement until they have investigated more. You cannot protect them from disappointment. Actually, unless the've asked for your help, investigating yourself is out of lime.
Is it from a legitimate agency?
Have they placed their names and gone through the Foster Family program? They won't let you adopt or foster children without going through all the hoops you need to - counseling, home visit, psych evals, etc. If they didn't do any of this? I would say they are being scammed.
What does a letter like this mean? If not a scam? It means their name has come up on the list for being able to foster and potentially adopt children. "Family" or not - they still must go through the hoops to foster/adopt.
Taking in family might cause even more of a rift in the family.
Good luck to them!
what does it mean? well, it's either a scam, or it means there are kids in her extended family who are in need. i have to say, it smells fishy to me. an older childless couple, one of whom is handicapped, is not an ideal foster or adoption prospect.
on the other hand, the system does give preference to family members when there are children in crisis.
beyond that, i'm not sure how to answer this, because your only question is 'what does it mean?' i'd certainly have this checked out, as it could be bogus. but the bigger implication is 'what does it mean for my friend if they actually take these kids in?'
which is, of course, a much different and bigger question.
khairete
S.
Apparently these kids are in need of foster or adoption.
Maybe so ething happened to the parents? Hope not but can't imagine too many scenarios resulting in permanent adoption except death, incarceration, or termination of parental rights..I think they first try to find family interested on taking the kids, right?
Good luck.
Sometimes they will try to find family to place children with, she needs to be cautious but make the contacts to get more info. The goal is usually to get families back together so she should not get her hopes up that this will be long term, she has to know that the goal for both the CPS and her should be the reunification of these children with their parents if possible.
I believe it means that they are trying to find permanent placements for the kids and are reaching out to family first. She should REALLY consider this, especially since the children are soooo young. Could she afford daycare for three kids? Once she adopts, she will be on her own for all the expenses, which can be quite high for three kids. Also, she should consider whatever plans she may have had for her retirement. With three kids this young, she may NEVER be able to enjoy retirement.
What it means is just what it says: They are looking to place these children (together) in a loving home. They are likely looking to relatives first; her name is noted somewhere as a viable option.
She'll get her best information by contacting them directly. I know that you want to be helpful, but it's not up to you to get their hopes up or not. If you don't understand the process, then you should not advise her.
