What Do You Do? - Brookhaven,NY

I think you have gotten some really good advice so far. Life sucks sometimes. Sometimes it sucks a LOT, and for a LONG time.
I think it's good advice top find someone, or a few people or a group of people with whom you can be totally honest and reveal you innermost thoughts and feelings. People that can relate on some level to what you're feeling.
Also, I don't think you need to "put on a happy face" to the world at all times.
Therapy might help, as well.
I'm not sure the gravity of the medical issue you are dealing with but I would certainly keep seeking, asking, trying, etc (like it sounds like you have been). If it were my child, I, like you, would not be willing to yell uncle until the last glimmer of hope was extinguished and there is always hope, new medications, procedures, etc. to look into.
Plus sometimes I need to be reminded that prayer is often answered in an less specific way than we think it will be. God doesn't answer prayers in OUR way, but in HIS way. We can't see down the road, but He can. Sometimes it seems He has closed every door, but what He's really doing is opening another, more perfect door.
And sometimes keep in mind that when our prayers aren't answered as we would like it might be to save other tragedy, heartache, physical setbacks down the road.
I wish you strength and guidance and wisdom for your life. Take it day by day. God bless.

I suppose it's a process of letting go and picking up the grief again and trying to let it go again. God doesn't give us all the answers we seek or sometimes we don't recognize the answers. David was angry. I bet he lost sleep too. Most people do not have the patience of Job. I guess I would suggest you spend some time concentrating on whatever good is in your life and try and focus on that instead.

You need to share this pain and grief with others. Let them listen. You honor them when you ask for their help, even just their time and listening to you.

You could also go and speak with a therapist. They can help you sort out and make a plan on how to deal with these issues.

This pain is just like a physical pain. If you do not treat it and take care of it, it can become worse and worse. You need to be strong in your body, mind and heart. You and our family deserves the best of you.

I am sending you strength and peace.
I will keep you in my thoughts today.

The way we react to personal tragedy is completely instinctive, and no one can tell you how to feel or how to cope. You'll have to dig deep and find how to do it or reach out and seek help in other places.

A few weeks after my daughter's birth, 1 day before my son's second birthday, I was diagnosed with cancer. I'd have expected to have a larger-than-life meltdown, but instead, instincts kicked in, and I did what I could to survive. We don't have family close, we both had full time jobs (this was the week after my return from maternity leave).

I found myself reassuring people that I'd be OK more than people comforted me. Perhaps you'll find the same - that the person affected (your child?) will be the one to give you strength and support. When I had a hard time learning how to be a survivor, I started seeing a therapist. We spent little time dealing with survivorship and more time dealing with me as a person to move my life forward. It was incredibly helpful.

Not one day did I let myself ask, why me? In my case, despite 5 long months of chemo, I had a really good shot at beating this cancer, had few "bad" side effects, and knew there were so many people who had it worse. That helps to keep things in perspective - so many people have it worse than we do at the end of the day.

My last comment is that there are likely many organizations (most web-based) that provide support for families like yours. For me, I found comfort in Imerman Angels offering counseling to other young Moms with Hodgkins. Organizations exist for no other reason than to help other people in similar situations. Once your wounds are healed, it will be your turn to pay it forward.

Good luck!

Life isn't fair. Sometimes it simply sucks!
Find yourself a therapist or go to your family doc for a referral to someone who can help you deal with this. They may recommend some low dosage medication for you - take it as prescribed. It will help.

You say you've gone out of network for medical care for this person. You say you've been to the best of the best... are you sure? Do some more research if you don't like the answer. Sometimes you have to go all the way around Robin Hood's barn to find the right door. That said, you might never get the answer you want so badly.

But you also need to remember that quality of life for the patient is very important. It's not fair to the one who is sick that you are miserable - they now feel tremendous guilt because you are so unhappy.

You also need to remember that it's not fair to your children that you are miserable. They deserve a mom who is present in their lives. Who is joyous for them and their accomplishments. Who will love them for who they are for every second they are here on the planet. Life is short... Don't take a single moment for granted. A man I worked with years ago used to say, "Make sure everything is where it should be because you could get hit by the pie truck on your way home." He's right - this medical condition you are so concerned about may not be the thing that eventually takes the life of your loved one...

You've got to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and get on with it. By moping around, you are teaching your children that when bad things happen, they should crumble. Not a good lesson.
By not talking about the situation, you've also taught them to ignore the problem... not good. Kids are not stupid. They know exactly what is going on - you may as well include them in the situation. Give them the facts.

As my mom always says, "Suck it up and deal." This is easier said than done sometimes, but... it does put it all into perspective. If you can't fix it, you can certainly learn to deal with it.

I'm sure this is not what you wanted to hear, but it's the reality check we all need sometimes.
LBC

My older daughter, the mother of my much loved Grandbaby, will die before her son is grown. It is an accepted fact. Our dearest wish is that she lives long enough that her son will have memories of her. How does a mom accept the death of her child before the fact? Wow - you can't tell someone HOW to do it. The way I do it is to know that I don't want her to think of her mom as a sad person. I want however long she has to be happy and fun times. I don't dwell on "she's going to die". I dwell on loving any time I DO have with her, which could be ten more years. I tuck away that little bit of information in the back of my head and my heart. I enjoy the time with her and my grandson. When some medical issue comes up, I get a panicky flutter in my chest and start praying "Please, God, not yet. I'm not ready yet." Most of the time, I'm pretty successful at tucking it away, and concentrating on the wonder of life.

While you are in your current sad situation with problems sleeping and overcome by grief, you are very vulnerable to get physically ill as well. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of all of your children and be able to deal with the situation at hand. Talk to a doctor and get some meds (at least short term) to help you. Whatever medical issue you are dealing with, there are probably others that have encountered something like this. Find a support group and talk to some parents that have walked in your shoes and understand what you are going through. There are some websites out there too. Benotafraid.net is a website for parents with a poor prenatal diagnosis, but it has a lot of information on dealing with grief of a poor diagnosis of your child.
Also, instead of being mad at God for not answering your prayer (of healing) why don't you pray for strength and understanding for yourself and for the wisdom to get through this situation.
Mom, life is not always fair and although we would like to always be able to fix everything for our kids, we can't. Your kids are counting on you to be their mom, so reach down deep inside and be there for them. If you are washed in self pity, you (and they) will be missing out on lots of things that could give you reason to smile.
You will be in my prayers.

If you've done all that you could do then there's nothing left for you to do, however by giving vague details I really don't know what directions I should steer the conversation. I don't know if you would be willing to put the individual in a facility with trained staff that could better care for him or her, or just throw in the towel altogether. Stay prayed up things may change and I wish that you stay sound as well.

Prayers get answered on his time, not yours. They will get answered, but you just have to keep listening and praying.
I agree with Susan B and you need to get some sleep. Even if that means getting a prescription. Things are always worse when you are running on fumes instead of a full tank of gas.

Sometimes we just have to wait out our sorrow and also realize that sometimes it takes a long time to have our prayers answered. If you are the praying type you might just want to consider relinquishing the whole problem to God and let him be in charge. I know it sounds silly but if you really do it you will find some peace. I also got a book called "Your Best Life Now" by Joel Osteen. He has a way to look at life with a twist that helps you work on your mental attitude and stay on the positive side.

I hope this helps, I am very close to how you feel right now and I know how hopeless it can be, but believe me, it is not forever. You will find your happy place again.

Good luck!