What Do Other Single Mother's Do?

Updated on August 15, 2006
F.M. asks from Darien, IL
14 answers

Hi moms. I have a bit of a dilemma. I am a single mother of 2 and I don't have any family here in Illinois. My job is requiring that I go out on a convention in September from Thurs-Sunday in Florida. Obviously my daughter is in school and my son is in pre-school. Does anyone have any suggestions? Do you hire a nanny or other child care providers? Also I will hate to leave them with strangers at our house. Any suggestions, I'm not sure what other mothers do when caught in a catch 22. I can say I can't go but it doesn't look good. Thanks for any advice.

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So What Happened?

I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice, it was very helpful in making my decision. I decided not to go to the conference like Jennifer said everything is replacable except your children. This website is really helpful for us mom. Be blessed.

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D.X.

answers from Chicago on

I have flown both my child AND my mother to my meeting destination when I need to go out of town on business. We all stay in 1 room, and since my company pays for the room, I don't have to pay any extra. It gives my mom a good chance to bond w/my son, but more importantly, I still get to see my son every day, and he gets to see me too! Yes, you have to pay for a few extra airline tickets, but the cost of that is probably about the same as any kind of daycare options you may have.

Good luck!

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J.K.

answers from Chicago on

Frances, Maybe you could take them with you. Your company must know your situation. Talk to you boss about it. Perhaps they could pay half of the fare for the kids. The hotel will probably have plenty of activities for your daughter, and nanny service for your pre-schooler. It's really tough, I know, but if you are up-front with your boss about this, and the sooner, the better, then it won't be so stressful. If bringing them with is not an option, then perhaps a friend would take them for the weekend? Otherwise, I'm with Jennifer-DON'T GO. Hope this helps. -J.

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D.J.

answers from Chicago on

here are some ideas, I don't know if they are feasible:
-check with close friends
-fly a family member in to your house to watch them
-what about the father's relatives?
-drive them to your nearest family member's house

good luck.

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D.P.

answers from Chicago on

I'm just about in the same boat, I feel your pain. My fiance is an anesthesia resident at UIC Hospital so I might as well be a single parent. I'm running into problems with simply before school and after care since I hate leaving my 7 year old at school from 8am till 6pm. Surely someone out there has some answers. I'm like you, I have no family here except him, and I've only lived here for 3 weeks.

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N.D.

answers from Chicago on

Yikes! That is a bad position. My first suggestion is to see if you have family/ friends near by that you might be able to get to watch them- either at their house or yours. My parents live in Ohio and when I have to travel for business they meet me 1/2 way and they then keep my son while I am gone. Is this an option for you?

After that, I would try to use resources in your neighborhood and/or friends that you have made in the area. I would be really hesistant about hiring someone new to watch them for a whole weekend. That would be tough on you and tough on them.

Thirdly, is it an option for you to take them with you? You might then be able to hire someone within the resort/ hotel that could watch them for a couple of hours here and there.

My final suggestion would be to ask someone at your children's daycare to spend the weekend. Some day cares frown on this but if you explain your situation (and pay decent), I am sure that they will look the other way and accomodate you.

Good luck with this situation and please let me know if I can be of further help!

Kind regards,
N.

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J.

answers from Chicago on

Hi
I too would love to hear some ideas for this type of situation - while I'm very happy with my current drop-off daycare provider, I may also have a situation where I need to be out of town for work for a few days.
Are there any Nanny services that do "emergency" or as-needed in-home care?

thanks!
J.

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K.G.

answers from Chicago on

Hi Frances,

I am in the same position. I have a 4 year old, no family here, very few friends, and my daughter's father lives in a different state. The times that I have had to travel, my daugther's daycare provider has actually watched her for me. It has been a lifesaver - for both my career and my daughter. I am not sure if you use an at-home daycare provider, but that is what mine is - and so she was more flexible in regards to keeping her for a few days.

Good luck!

K.

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R.K.

answers from Chicago on

You've got quite a pickle there. Some conventions offer child care options, especially when scheduled in Florida. It might not be ideal, but I would think about it as opposed to hiring a stranger to watch your children in your absence - you are bound to be distracted and worried the entire time you're there. Check with the Association that is in charge of the convention to see. Good luck.

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A.

answers from Chicago on

Hi Frances,

I am not a single mother - but I have had to travel out of town on business and didn't want to leave the responsibility on my husband. What I have done is flown a family member to my house (mother, sister, cousin, etc) to watch my kids. This way your children are with someone you trust. It will cost quite a bit to have a service send someone to watch your children anyway, so you may as well pay for a plane ticket to have someone familiar.

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K.H.

answers from Chicago on

Frances,

I'm a single mom who travels a lot. I have a few options I use...
1. Take the kids and a family member with you. The family member doesn't have to be in the same state since you're going to Florida anyway. This can be pricey with two kids.

2. If you are comfortable with any parents at your children's school, ask if your kids can have a (long) sleepover.

3. If you run out of options. Don't go. The conference isn't worth the sleep you'll loose thinking about your kids with a stranger.

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

Dear Frances,

I feel for you. I think you have to just be really upfront with your boss and let them know that you want to travel and be a team player...etc., however, you also have to have absolute comfort with your child's safety. I have taken my son on a business trip and had a babysitter at the hotel (he was 6 yrs.) I would not do this again. Nothing happened, however, I did not like the woman (gut instinct), I had no choice but to leave for my meetings and I was sick about it all day. She actually called me and asked if she could take my son out of the hotel because he was bored.

Needless to say, it is still difficult on children and Mom's to leave them at home with a caregiver. I don't think there is one answer here...

Weigh the pro's and con's of the business trip...I am a working Mom so I realize these trips are vital. I think if you have to go...how about having them stay at a friend's home. With other kids around it eases the stress they will feel in your absence and also gives you some comfort and peace of mind.

Just ASK. I wish I could help you. I work with a single Mom and I really feel for your situation and these challenges. Remember...you are amazing and it will all work out.

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J.W.

answers from Chicago on

as a single mother of 3 for the past 20 years I have found that everything can be replaced EXCEPT your children. If you have no one you know/trust at this time to go to this paticular conference DON'T GO. But prepare for the next opportunity now. Talk with your current day care provider for suggestions and referals. Talk with the school or parent organization. You may have a neighbor with a responsible high school or college student who can stay with your children in the evening and transport them to and from daycare/school. If you can afford a nanny then go with that. Make sure you use a reputable company who does thorough back ground checks. Are you affiliated with a church?

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K.C.

answers from Chicago on

Did you let your job know about your situation? Is there any way that they would compromise with you, due to you not having family here? How are your neighbors, or have you met friends here that you would trust with your kids? That is a hard one.

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C.R.

answers from Boca Raton on

Hi Frances.
The only suggestion that comes to mind is can you first travel where you do have family,or friends, leave the kids, and go to Florida from there? Unfortunately they will have to miss a couple of days of school, but at least you will feel comfortable with them being with family or friends.

Good Luck!!!
C.

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