What Do I Need to Do

Updated on November 09, 2006
M.B. asks from Tunnelton, WV
13 answers

I just found out I have brain cancer and when it was just suspected I had to let my sister in law take my babies my oldest being 4 youngestbeing almost 2 I had to do that Because it was a danger to them and myself with my medical condition and now I afraind sometings going to happen to me and they'll never know how much I love them and that I only did what was best for them. The biggest problem with this situation is there a state away and with my hubsands sister and we'er in the process of getting a divorce and thats another fear I have is that I wont Ever get my babies back.

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So What Happened?

Honesty I don't really know much on what's going to happen but I can tell you I greatly apperichated all ur advice and prayers. And yes I have a note book i write in every day telling my babies how i feel and how much i love them and i try calling them everynight. as far as the hubsand thing hes about worthless and thinks me seeing the kids is horroble cause it does kinda upset them a little but only when its time for me to take them home and me to come back here to wv for my Dr.s appts and as much as i hate it and as much as i cry on my way home from dropping my babies off i know deep down i am doing whats best for them cause their arent seeing me suffer or when i have the days it feels like i cant stand up with out passing out i know their safe and it makes being sick and trying to get better easier knowing that their being cared for by some one i think and hope to god i can trust i do wish they were with me everyday all day but what mother wouldnt but i know what iam doing by haveing them stay with my sister in law is whats best for them. even if it does break my heart and i am doing all i know to do i send her as much money to support them that i an able too and i send them a card around once a week with a little spending money in it for them its deffentaly not much money but its my way of trying to help her out with them and giveing my babies things they might want but what i turely think tells them i love them is that i thought enough about them to send them a card the cards r blank so everything thats in then they will know came from my heart and thats the way it should be the money isnt anything important but the cards r what i look at as reminding them i love them and always will
thank you soon much for all ur helpfull advise may god bless each and every one of u for all the help u gave me
M.

More Answers

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J.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

Wow, well if your ex is any kind of man he will make sure your kids know you. I would do what you can, write letters to them, draw pictures for them. Take pictures of yourself.

I have never been through this and I really feel for you. I hope you get through this. I think would be great if others such as your sis in law, parents, etc to ahve them help you with a relationship with your kids.

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D.A.

answers from Philadelphia on

My prayers are with you. I hope you have someone close to you that can get you through this terrible ordeal!!

God Bless,
D.

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H.L.

answers from Pittsburgh on

first of all, i am so very sorry for the unfortunate news. are your parents still living? i was unsure because in your writings you did not mention them. how old are you? did your oncologist tell you what your prognosis is? i am just asking because as a rn i wanted to know more of the outcomes that were present to you. will you need chemo radiation. i have had 2 very good friends pass away from some form of cancer and the one left behind 3 breathtaken beautiful children and a beautiful husband. where is your husband? why doesnt he have his children. i am at a loss of words for you i feel so very badly and wish i could help. i will start and continue to pray for you a little hopeful word is that the bond between a mother a child is unbreakable and those babies know you right down to your scent. the love will never be broken and you need to make it a point everyday whether it be by phone esp to your 4 yr old to call and tell them you love them very much and that you will get better in regards to your 2 year old i have a beautiful lil 2 yr old daughter who is my whole world and even though they dont really understand they need to hear your voice. please try to be hopeful and know that my extended prayers are going to be with you. xoxoxoxo H.

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C.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

get a lawyer. Find out what your rights are. It seems to me that you are trying to do what is best for your kids nad that is so hard to do sometimes. I will pray for you and your kids.

Cia

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N.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Never give up because God is a good God and he will never let you down. First of all, you need to seek legal advice from an attorney, second, do you have any family that can watch your children for you. Please seek legal advice, I would hate to see your children without their mother due to your lack of knowledge of the law. I work in law enforcement and know how the system works. PLEASE seek legal advice, because things can be switch around to make you look like a bad person, regardless of your illness. I will definitely keep you in my prayers, and if you need any assistance in finding an attorney I will be more than willing to help you. Please keep me posted. And may God keep you in his hands.

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E.C.

answers from Washington DC on

you said your sister is taking care of them for you right? well i would think that if you want your babies back home she would understand. i would talk to her and explain what your feeling. you know i'm going through a divorce too and my sister and family are your best support

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T.P.

answers from Washington DC on

i noticed that everyone started the same thing i am going to..... i am so sorry! so so sorry! i got teary eyed reading your note. i can feel you pain...

i can only say that you are trying to do the best for your children what else can you say... i just hope that your soon to be ex doesnt take advantage of this situation.. but i would imagine a judge would see right thru that even if he did.

i dont know you inlaws, but shame on anyone that would try to take your children away from you becuz of this.. or take advantage of the situation.

my prayers are with you! i dont know what/if any religion you are, but i find joel osteen on sundays very inspritional .. and funny... laughter is good for you!

stay strong and positive.

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V.K.

answers from Dover on

I too will pray for you and your family in your time of need. However I do have an idea for making sure your children know how much you love them. It will also help you keep yourself busy while not working and going through your treatment. Scrapbooks and video diaries are a great way of saying things you want to say to people when you can't see them. I agree you need to seek leagul advice, but I would also see about finding someone to keep your children closer to you so you can see them on a regurlar basis. What your going through is going to be difficult but children want to be with their mothers and I think it's important to be around them not just for your recovery but for their understanding of the situation your in. May God bless you.

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C.T.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hello M.,
First of all my prayers are with you and I wish you the best of luck. Why don't you put a memory book together, letters from you to your children. crafts, things they would like to know about you. Also you could tape yourself reading to them and talking to them and then send it to them. That will keep you close to them. Good Luck

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L.K.

answers from Philadelphia on

I cannot even imagine the situation you have been faced with but the advice that has been given to you so far is great advice, especially to seek legal counsel about this.

A close friend of mine passed of cancer (after fighting it for 5 years) and she knew her prognosis was poor so she arranged for each of her two children to receive gifts and cards at milestones in their lives as well as for their birthdays. She bought these cards and gifts, wrapped them and gave them to a close relative that she trusted to take care of this for her and they have done so. She also did videos to each child as well as photo albums. She and her husband were also having serious troubles before she passed (he was cheating on her!) so he couldn't be trusted to keep her memory alive.

If necessary, down the road you could also look into Mommy's Light, an organization that takes care of the children left behind. Check it out...http://www.mommyslight.org.

Be strong and take care of yourself. Don't be afraid to stand up for what is rightfully yours and arrange to get your children back as soon as you are healthy. I would arrange visitation with them as well.

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D.F.

answers from State College on

I know your worried you wont see them again deep down i know you will. Now for them to know why you had to give them up leave a letter for them or do a letter video(thats what i call them)and let them know what happened and to let them know you were looking out for their best interest and well being. I would talk to your soon to be ex husband and just tell him you want to see your children. I know its easy for me to say all this because no i cant say i have ever been in this situation but you need to speak up and tell him plus your sister in law you want to see your children. you do have that right. sick or not. I will keep you in my prayers. good luck!

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L.R.

answers from Reading on

Hi I am sorry to hear about your condition. I would try to spend as much time with them as possible. Take lots and lots of pictures of you with them. Write them letters , write each of them a journal about the past the present and the futire. Make then a scrap book. I know all of this will be hard with them being a state away but I would make it clear to your SIL that you are here now and they should spend as much time with as possible. Also I wwould think that your soon to be X husband would bring them to as often as he could. That is what the right thing to do it. Do you have family close to you? Maybe they could help also so you could seem them more often. Make sure that everytime you talk to them you tell them you love them. I made my husband promise me that if anything ever happened to me he would tell my kids every day atleast once a day that I love them . I feel for you.

L.

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M.C.

answers from Dover on

IM SORRY TO HEAR THIS.. I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST . ILL PUT YOU AND YOUR KIDS IN OUR PRAYERS! HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT A STAY IN NANNY ? THAT WAY YOUR KIDS COULD BE AROUND ALL THE TIME AND WHEN THE NANNY COULD TAKE CARE OF THEM . YOU ALSO SHOULD HAVE SOME WRITTEN AGREEMENT THAT WHEN YOU GET BETTER THE KIDS ARE TO RETURN TO YOU.. HAVE YOUR HUSBANDS SISTER SIGN YOU SIGN AND YOUR HUBSAND SIGN IT, OR HAVE A LAWYER WRITE UP THE PAPERS STATING THAT THE KIDS ARE TO RETURN TO YOU ONCE YOUR BETTER AND MAKE SURE GET ANY AGREEMENT NOTERIZED SO ITS LEGAL AND WILL STAND UP IN COURT IF IT COMES TO THAT.. AGAIN I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST..

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