Hello Mamas,
I have a step-son who has recently started soiling his pants (#2). At 1st we did not think much of it, he has alwasy been the kid who pees his bed, was hard to potty train, and had accidents in Kindergarten. However, halfway through last school year when he was in Kindergarten, he stopped. This new school year has begun, and the first 9 weeks of school have been a breeze. Than, all of a sudden he is soiling his pants at least 3-4 times a week. Most of the time it is so bad that the undies have to be thrown away and he has to shower off. My husband and I have talked to him to see if there is any underlaying issues he is having with friends, family, church or school, but he says everything is okay. We asked him if he is scared of anything, if anyone is making him feel bad, of if he is having problems with his body, as in does it hurt to go #2. He insist nothing is wrong. He has also suddenly forgot how to wipe his bottom properly. What is going on??? We are floored on how to deal with this. There is only so much we can instuct, it is his body and he knows when he has to go, we do not. I am worried that if this happens at school that he may be embarresd in front of his peers, or worse, that there is something hurting him so he does not want to go, or maybe there is something wrong with another aspect of his life?! I don't know if I am just overreacting, as a parent of this child my view is a bit different that those of you who do not know him, so any outside opinion is very much needed. About him: He is a more reserved child, thoughtful, obedient, likes art, music and dance. He is not a wild one. He gets along with everyone. He is in a two family situation, my husband's ex has part custody, although he lives mainly with us. She use to have bad enviroment for the child, so he has always remained with his dad until a year ago. Apparently she is better now and able to offer him a good living enviroment. But it did effect him when they were going through the custody battle, which has been over for a year now. Would this effect him a year later? I am so new to this, and I do not understand child psycology. Please help!
Thanks to youall for your helpful responces. I have just made an appointment with his pediatrion. I was alarmed to hear abotu some of the possibilities, expecially molestation, that made my heart go into my throat. But I am going to definitaly rule out physical possibilities 1st, and than consult my husband about taking him to a counsler. I really hope it is just something physically, like constipation or allergies. He is not allergic to anything that I know of food wise or medical. Yes, he has admitted that it does happen at his mom's home too. Oh I pray it is not molestation, his mom is so secretive about who she hangs around, she says it is not our buisness, but her last BF was an fresh out of jail. Again, thanks you all for your input!
I agree that you should take him to the doctor and that this is often a sign of molestation. However, it does stand out that he is spending more time with his mother. This raises a red flag. It may simply be that he is under stress from sharing two homes and this may be the way a reserved, thoughtful, obedient child signals his distress.
Good Luck,
Jen
I'm sure you would have mentioned it, but the first thing I thought of was maybe he has an allergy. The same thing has happened to my son twice this school year and I just happened to find out that someone at his school gave him cows milk. Which caused an awful mess so much so that all clothing was thrown away.
If an allergy isn't possible then the only other thing that I feel it could be is that somethings going on over at the mothers house. Watch the timing of these incidents. Nerves cause the body to do strange things even after being removed from a stressful situtation.
Hello Lysa,
it's definitely time to take him to the doctor. start keeping a log of everything he eats and when he eats, sleeping habits, date/time when the accident's happen and if you remember any specific food he had the day before. (sometimes it could be a few days between the food and the accident). Also, have you considered taking him to a chiropractor? (along w/ any other allergy, GI testing the Ped may want to do) (things to consider: milk, soy, gluten, nuts intolerances/allergy)
I also wanted to mention, I don't think he should be punished for that. and also, about knowing his body, if he has IBS or IBD....sometimes the only warning your body gives you is when it's out... =) You're a good stepmom.
good luck! ~C.~
Hi Lysa,
Our youngest son has had periods of this kind of problem. But our son's issue has been clogging. Has the son ever had problems in the past? Is he complaining of his stomach hurting? Our son has periods when he "leaks" the soiling and it has been so bad that we have had to throw away the underwear. He is much better now and is almost 11 and we have not had a problem in over a year. I highly recommend taking the son to the pediatrician. With our son, we have put him on metamucil for several weeks to help him get the fiber he needs whenever he has these problems.
Another thing we had to do is talk to his teacher because our son complained that he was not allowed to go to bathroom when needed. This also worked out well too.
Good luck.
You might want to check with the school and make sure there are no problems which you are unaware. Probably should take him for a physicial to make sure there is nothing medical and at that point maybe discuss with the physician if he thinks counseling may be needed.
GL
I would say to take him to the dr. Pooping is different from peeing. He may be holding it because he is not comfortable at school or it may be a physical problem. You dr should be able to give you a better understanding of the underlying issues.
My best friend's son started that at 7 years old, and at first she was understanding (an accident?) but then she started getting agitated with him. She took him to a pediatrician b/c I truly believe that once someone's potty trained well, it would be a real issue to start soiling again (noone wants that!). We were concerned about the possibility of bullies, or stress from conduct grades, or whatever, but instead the doctor said he was constipated and so full of it that he would just kinda burst a bit. Counterintuitive I know, to think "he's so constipated that he soils himself" but that's what it ended up being! His diet tended to have too much fat and protein, so my husband (a healthy guy, not a health nut) helped her set up a basic diet and the doctor gave him some meds to help with the constipation. He was on the medicine for several months until he was cleaned out and under control. He also had a dairy intolerance but was eating LOTS of cheese and milk. I would totally suggest going to the doctor and ruling out the physical possibilities first.
I have always heard that this type of regression has an underlying issue. When I was in college getting my degree in family studies, one professor said to always suspect something if the child is older. My son is 6.5, into arts and stuff, very easy going as well, so I am looking at it from the same perspective. He had a regression once and it ended up being that the curriculum at his school was not age appropriate. He came home from school with all of his nails bitten off, poop in his pants and a violent temper. He had nightmares all night. This went on for 2 months. Come to find out the preschool he was at was teaching him at about a 1st grade level and he was 3! I have also met a person who did this at age 14 and it was because his brother was molesting him. So it could really be anything. I would say keep a journal. Does he do it more on the days before he leaves to see his mother or as soon as he gets home? Does she have this problem with him also? Maybe ask a school counselor or play therapist to talk with him. Chances are something is stressing him out.
I think it is time to see the pediatrician. This is not a normal behavior by any means. Pooping in your pants can be a sign of more emotional problems. I dont want you to be alarmed, but it is typical of children who have been molested. When I say that, I dont mean to assume that he has been molested, but to demonstrate that it can be a physical manifestion of a deeper emotional issue. I think the pedi first, make them check for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that could cause this. Rule out everything physical first. And, I would not accept no for an answer. Then, head to the counselor and work on the psychological! Best of luck to you, I can imagine the struggle you are all facing. ~A.~
