I am the mother of a lovely 3 1/2 year old boy. He seems these days to just hang on me, lick my arm, snuggle whenever I'm sitting down, etc., etc. I am feeling guilty about telling him to stop. He just started preschool, half days. He loves it, but is very tired at the end of the morning. It seems that he's having quite an adjustment. But, this started some before that. He's also had some problems with bedwetting. He was doing fine for awhile, going to the bathroom at night. But not now. (Part of that was my not sticking with it, but also changes in life.) It's just that I get so frustrated and tired with him on top of me for what seems to be all day. Sometimes he seems like he cannot play by himself. (He has no siblings, which I realize can be a bummer.) I love cuddling, and we do that. But, I can't be "available" all the time. It's tiring. Does anyone have recommendations about what I can say to him to let him know that I need my personal space?
Thanks everyone for your comments. I have decided to let him know that he can kiss my arm, ear, whatever, once or twice and then let it go. He still licks my arm, and generally is all over me sometimes. I'm trying to take it in stride as much as I can, while setting some limits. I have also tried to start asking him when I kiss him whether that's OK. I think this will help him learn how to set limits and say no when he doesn't want something, and maybe he'll understand more why I don't always want to cuddle. We do have plenty of snuggle time, no doubt. I think he's in between watnting to be a baby and wanting to grow up. I am feeling that same ambivalence as he grows up. As for nighttime, I'm back to diapers. I have decided it doesn't matter what others think or how late he learns to go to the bathroom at night. We all need sleep.
I had this exact same question as I was trying to eat while my son snuggled my right arm. I kept inching away and he kept inching closer. Hee hee. I said, "Baby stay there, mommy needs space to eat." and I had to remind him a couple of times.
But most of the time, I remember that he's my very last baby and I'm going to fall apart when the snuggling phase ends.
umm he's three, in my opinion, you don't have personal space when a kid is that young, you suck it up and realize he is still just a baby.. one day, he won't want to snuggle... enjoy it now while you can... it's one thing if he were a teen and you needed your personal space but until he is old enough to understand the concept of personal space, I simply feel that it's too young to even put that on him.... I realize parents need time off but he is in preschool half days hence you have your time off... truly... he's a baby and when kids are that young, parents have to deal with it on the kid's terms...
Keep in mind that many boys don't have control of their bladders for several years yet. Sleeping in pull ups might be the answer.
Let your boy know you love and adore him and be sure to make time for that. You can be honest though and say, "I don't like to be licked sweetie, but l love hugs."
I hung on my Mom and never wanted to leave her. I was just a nervous nelly, but I grew out of it. Get yourself a girls night out!
My cousin used to tell her son that she was in "mommy time out". She got him a special toy (his was one of those toddler video games...) that he was only allowed to play with during that time, so he always looked forward to it... and he would be so into his game that he wouldn't interrupt her time. :)
He is in preschool and so when he gets home he misses you and wants to be around you all the time. Not only that he is 3. I can't even pee with my sons walking behind me, around me "24/7". I literally have to go in the bathroom, close the door for a second to have that "time out" you want, but then there goes the calling me "mommy, mommy"...lol. You just have to love them. It will change in time.
I remember thinking it was so important to exercise and be beautiful for my exhusband (didn't do much, we divorced) but at the time, I exercised my brains out to tapes. I remember one time my son trying to get to me while I was doing that and I started to scream at him. He didn't understand it and I cannot take the time back. Exercising didn't help anything other than make me have some muscles and I would trade that moment now for some of those hugs and kisses he wanted. My sons are grown up and I wish for those moments sometimes. They simply of course have moved on. So if there is anything to do about this, while you feel desperate for that personal space stop and think a moment. This will be over before you know it.
**Adding this:
My daughter, when about to start Preschool and when started Preschool, had toilet/pee accidents. It was the 'stress' and adjustment to it all.
And, FULL night time dryness does not occur, biologically, until even 7 years old and is normal and per Pediatricians.
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I think... it all ties in with him having started school recently.
Its a big adjustment for a young child, overall, emotionally and mentally.
They also do still have separation-anxiety at this age, manifested differently per their age.
And they also get 'stress' related symptoms or 'regressions' as well... when starting Preschool sometimes... which my daughter also got.
And they Do get REAL tired... once they start school. So maybe... AFTER school, have him nap when you get home with him.
Then maybe that time, will your "your" time.
My daughter would be REAL tired after preschool... and even at that age, still napped, everyday, after we got home.
When she was tired... she also got 'clingier" to me. Tiredness... .made her clingy. I learned.
All the best,
Susan
Be careful what you ask for! If you approach this wrong and make him think he is a burden instead of a blessing - he may pull away totally. Personally, just go to the BR and lock the door to get your alone time - I think that is what most of us had to do when our kids were that age. This is a temporary phase. One day you will wish he would cuddle with you and he won't have anything to do with you (pre-teen - teenager). I say relax and enjoy it :)
I have to agree with the other posters in that this is a phase, and even though he might seem big to you at three, he is still little. I also agree you should be careful in pulling away. It might seem overwhelming now but that's why you have naptime and after he goes to bed to have your personal space. You can gently redirect his licking but I wouldn't shy away from those hugs and cuddles. As many others have said, someday he'll be a teenager and you'll miss this time. With motherhood, our children comes first - which doesn't mean you ignore your own needs, but you find the time and place, particularly during these crucial developmental years.
You know, I have found that just being honest works pretty well. Kids understand a lot more than you think, and as a mom, part of your job is to raise a child who understands the boundaries of others. My younger daughter is overly snuggly at times. When that happens, I'll tell her, "I love to snuggle with you, but right now I'm _______ (trying to get into the shower, washing dishes, making dinner). We can snuggle when I'm done, but right now is not a good time." She doesn't get bummed out. I'm not rejecting her, I'm just letting her know that when someone is up to their elbows in dish water and soap, it's not a great time for her to wrap herself around my leg.
Giving parents effective tools to make their needs and expectations known, in a way that is not only considerate of the child's needs but also makes them part of the problem-solving team, is the heart of the lovely little book, ow to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk.
You will be delighted with the peaceful and mutually supportive techniques the authors teach. It's my favorite with my 4.5yo grandson. We just had a 3-day sleepover, and I used what I have learned from How to Talk/Listen from beginning to end. What a team we were!
Try sitting down with your son during some moment he's a bit distracted by a game of his own. Tell him what you wish for in positive terms. For example, "You know how sometimes you want to have a little bit of quiet time to do your own thing? Sometimes Mommy needs that, too. Do you have any ideas how you can give Mommy some more time to do my work? Let's make a list together, and I'll write down ALL of our ideas!"
Kids are flattered to have their ideas taken seriously and written down. Don't cull any ideas during this brainstorming session, even if they obviously won't work. Coax as many ideas from your son as you can, and put down several alternative ideas of your own. Then go through the list together and choose two or three that could work. "You could take a nap when you get home." "I could read a book in my room until the timer dings." "You could work on a project, and I could get the supplies and set them up for you."
Because he will be part of the problem-solving team, he'll be invested in making his solutions work. And he will have taken your needs seriously during the problem-solving list, possibly in a way that has not touched him before.
On the bed wetting, peeing during sleep is really beyond the child's ability to stop, and some children will experience flurries of this when entering new developmental stages, too. And this regression is extremely common when big changes happen in the child's life. It's temporary. I'd give things time to settle and your little guy a chance to adjust before you additionally require him to give you more space. That could simply exacerbate the bed wetting.
I tell the daycare kids that each of us has a bubble around us and we don't like people getting in that bubble then I act out it so they can understand
