What Am I Doing Wrong? - Covina,CA

Have you tried teething tablets?? My dd's T2's came in around this age and she was waking up like that. Could be molers as well, harder to tell they are teething. The bfing would be soothing for them, but not tide them over long. We give homeopathing Hylands teething tablets. Just a thought of what it could be. Good luck mama.

Hi, here's my thoughts... and just based on my 2 kids any my other friends who have/had kids this age:

1) his dinner of 3 pieces cheddar cheese/5 tater tots/2 broccoli florets is a lot. Remember, at this age a "serving size" is based on TABLESPOONS, not adult sized quantities. AND, a child will only eat until they are full... NOT cleaning up a plate.

2) He may possibly be teething or molars. Or it just because you weaned him from night-time nursing. So, well it takes time for a child to adjust.

3) His age: at this age, or during 2 years old, they have MEGA LOTS of developmental changes. THIS alone, will tweak their sleeping ABILITY as well. Totally. With their changing cognition/their motor & speaking skills/ AND their emotions are emerging too. At this age... it is a LOT on their plate, to deal with. Their emotions are NOT even fully developed yet at this age, nor their "ability" to cope with it, nor their "communication" to express it, NOR their social skills etc., etc.

4) And yes, he may very well be hungry. BOTH my kids were like that at this age. Approaching 24 months and after 24 months it can be this way. My kids had GINORMOUS appetites... and yes, I was STILL nursing my daughter until she self-weaned at about 2.5 years old. BUT, naturally, my daughter was also drinking regular whole milk too. It did NOT make a difference if she ate a lot prior to bed or not. She just woke at night, like your son. I rode it out.

5) Next, from about 2.5 years old... this is the age that MANY toddlers only start to sleep "all night." It is developmental based and even the REM sleep cycles are changing too. So keep that in mind. You are not doing anything 'wrong.' BOTH my kids, from about 2 years old and onward... began to sleep all night, with only 1 waking, then it tapered off over the course of months. Same for my friends. They noticed that from about 2 years old, that THIS was developmentally, when a child NATURALLY acquired the "ability" to sleep better all night... on their own.
BUT... when/if they woke, once being 2 years old... I let them self-soothe if nothing else was "wrong." I would literally not "interrupt" THEIR cycle/pattern, and just wait... before I swooped-in to see what was up. And MANY times, they would fall back asleep on their own.

6) at this age ONWARD, kids also begin to have "night-time" fears and/or night-mares... it is normal and purely developmental. AND, at this age, they have some separation-anxiety too.... which is manifested differently at each age juncture and at times of age/developmental changes/hitting milestones. You cannot "stop" it... it is developmental and simply occurs. But you can help them feel less anxious about it.

7) It does not matter if he is "slim" or meaty... and if he IS hungry, then feed him. Even if with a bottle of water... this may fill him up, during the night. Or, does he just want YOU? Try just giving him a lovey perhaps... or just sit with him in the room... and soothe him with your voice.

8) giving him heavier foods at night before bed, may just make it worse or upset his tummy... and/or reflux. Lots of adults even, cannot sleep if they ate too richly or heavy at night prior to bed. My Mom and Hubby are like that. I would just feed him normally at night, only what he will eat. Let HIS cues guide you and his eating cues.

9) My daughter was like your son.... it is her personality. NOT her 'ability." She, even now, is very active "cerebrally"... she even talks in her sleep and would wake and even sleep-walk once in awhile. Then one day, from about 2-3 years old, she just started to sleep ALL night. And from then on, it got better. Today, presently, she is a GREAT sleeper. I never forced anything on her... to sleep better or "train" her... I went with her personality and needs. My son on the other hand, is much easier.

10) ALL kids are different. NOT all kids "have to" sleep all darn night, and many don't. THEN, when they are toilet-training, this can wake them too or they will have accidents and this is ANOTHER reason that Mommy will need to wake up at night. So, it never ends. Even a 5 year old still has pee accidents at night in bed.

11) I think your son eats fine. Each child, like each Adult.. has varying "appetites" and amounts they will eat, or not. Just let him eat what he will eat. Otherwise, he will NOT want to eat period. AND then he will only "learn" that eating and dinner time is NOT "family" time nor a "fun" time and he will shun it or it will become a battle, or he will get food-hang-ups. Which you don't want. AT EACH age... a child has differing eating "habits" and likes/dislikes. JUST LIKE AN ADULT.... one day I like Thai food, the next I am tired of it. Then the next day I want spaghetti.. then the next I don't. One day I eat like a horse, the next day I can get by with hardly anything.

Sorry for being long-winded and rambling. Just be sure NOT to make bedtime or meal-times a battle or a STRESS for him. Or it just makes it worse for the child and they act out/rebel more. Go according to his cues.

ALSO, make sure he is taking NAPS during the day. An "over-tired" child/baby... actually sleeps WORSE and makes it harder for them to fall asleep and sleep well.

Next and not the least... if you are tired of the wakings....have your Husband/Daddy go in an help him. Letting you rest.

All the best,
Susan

I think you have to put your foot down and realize you are the parent and you are in charge. Stay consistent. Let him know you will only check on him at night if something is wrong. Not to nurse or to pat on the back. Do this consistently for at least a week and he will stop crying because he knows you are serious this time. You'll know if he actually needs you because cries are always more severe if something is actually wrong. And you should offer him a cup of milk everyday for each meal. Keep doing it and even try giving him milk for a snack. kids need to be taught their boundaries and you might be giving him too many options and too much power at such a young age. I hope the next few months get easier. My daughter is 2 yrs old and she is doing well with the structure and she tests her boundaries every once in awhile, but everything runs much smoother when the parent-child relationship is in tact.

Check out this article by Dr. Jay Gordon:

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

It's titled "Changing The Sleep Pattern In The Family Bed", so it may not cover your situation exactly, but it does discuss nighttime weaning and other info you may find helpful.

Good luck,
N.

Ok,I don't know if you've tried these other things so bear with me. Have you had him tested for allergies? It could be that something he is eating is making him sick. Honestly. If he doesn't want milk, and he eats cheese and then can't sleep, he might be lactose intolerant, like my son. Get him a blood test for allergies, please don't do the scratch test, it hurts much more than just drawing a little blood. They can tell you at least if he has an allergy of some kind, then you can play the process of elimination game. Maybe try keeping him on very bland foods for a week, and see if he sleeps better. Just crackers, apple sauce, bananas, etc. Ask your pedi for a bland diet suggestion. Also, when he sleeps at night, I know he's a bit small for a full pillow, but maybe a couple small blankets under his head might help. My daughter had a real problem with acid reflux, or GERD, when she was smaller. Laying flat makes it worse. Also, if he eats right before bed, or has a bottle, that may contribute. Maybe after he eats, hold him upright for half and hour? It helped my daughter. He sounds like he is miserable, and tired, just like you are. May I put forth this idea? There may be something that you were eating when nursing, that he continues to eat, that is affecting him. I may be off base, but it's a serious possibility. Plus, is he prone to rashes? If he is, it might be keeping him awake. Little boys can also get yeast infections, and if you were taking antibiotics when nursing, chances are he has one and it hurts like hell. Check for little red and white sore spots on his tush and testicles. A mixture of lamisil and desitin will clear it up if he has it. I wish you luck! He sounds like he is too skinny, I hope he can get some weight on!

Hi J.,

You're not doing anything wrong! It's just your son's personality - some kids don't like to eat much, some kids don't like to sleep much. You said he's napping during the day. I stopped naps when my son was 2 because he didn't go to sleep at night. So maybe try stopping naps and getting him to bed a little later and see if that helps. Give him some quiet time during the day when you would usually nap - read books or watch a video so he's not running around.

You said he doesn't drink milk but does he like chocolate? A little Nestle's powder doesn't have much in it and makes the milk taste better. He might drink it. Does he like yogurt and fruit? Make him yogurt and fruit smoothies. They will fill him up and he's getting his calcium.

Is he teething right now? That might be what's keeping him up too.

Good luck! Hope this helps! The good news is that it will pass eventually.

Great job nursing.
He's not hungry, toddlers will eat if they're hungry. It's just his way of soothing himself back to sleep. It's a pattern for him, and the older he gets the harder it will be to break. You can eliminate the night time feedings and still nurse during the day. Remember, to only cut out one feeding at a time. About 2-3 weeks per feeding.

He has been trained to fall asleep to the boob....give him a week....you cant go back to nursing...once he hits a milestone and a change dont go back, it looks confusing...only go in to calm him the first time and let him work it out for himself....my girls dont eat a lot either until they get really hungry....keep offering him milk...all babies go from formula to milk at 1....he may never like it but a little is good...then add in lots of yogurt and cheese....dont worry..

oh my god I really feel for you. You sound like such a good mom. Have you tried gripe water from Henrys Wholefoods store before bed?

Hi J.,
Wow, that's alot! I haven't seen how many responses you have gotten, but I'm sure your gonna get a lot of them, if you haven't already.
The one thing I have learned while sleep training my little girl (yes, i said sleep training)is that you MUST MUST MUST be consistant and repeatitive. You are trying to many things and he is confused. You need to stick with one way of doing things, and do it over and over and over again.
A strict rutine is what you need. Start the nap and bedtime rutine at the same time. Say the same things to him to remind him bed time is very soon. Brush teeth, pee and climb into bed. I read my daughter 3 short books IN her bed, and in the begining, read the SAME 3 books, in the same order. Before I read that last book, I would remind her that after this book, she is going to sleep. (that way she knew what to expect) After the
3 book, I said the same thing to her, "good night, sweet dreams, and i love you." She added in the word "goodbye" as I walk out the door. (she makes me say it back to her) That is her closure for the night. I created that closure and after getting used to it, I think it took about 2 weeks before she stopped crying after I left. It took a while to get there, and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Do you think it was fun hearing my baby scream for me? Yes, I went in her room. First I let her cry for 5-6 minutes, and I would try to lay her down saying the same things to her. If she cried again, I would let her cry for 10 minutes. I knew she just wanted me. Nothing was wrong.
I was at a point where I felt like I needed to take control of my life. My beautiful child was yanking my chain HARD!!! And I was letting her. I was done...no more. I found this incredable online book called the "Sleep Sense Program". This book changed my families life. It gave me the tools to correct this horrible habit.
Send me and email at ____@____.com, and I will forward it to you. (for any one else who might need it) I strongly suggest reading it. The author covers a few different ways to sleep train. I can't say my daughter is perfect, but compaired to what we were going through......I'm in heaven.
Hope to hear from you soon,
M.

Hello,

I hope your nights are getting better! Maybe if you pump and warm the milk a little bit put it in a sippy cup maybe that will calm him a little feed him right before bed and give him a nice warm bath..maybe that will help it did mine..

My son is much younger, but was also getting up hourly to nurse at night and I was so tired, I couldn't deal. And, he's really active during the day and hates to take time out of playing to take a bottle or eat, so food is a challenge.

To deal with the nights, I stopped breast feeding him, but we did not stop feeding him milk. Instead of getting to snuggle with me and nurse, we switched to pumped breastmilk in a bottle, so we could see if he was waking because of hunger or because he wanted me. Well, sure enough, as soon as he realized he was not going to get to nurse and snuggle and fall asleep on my breast and would only get a bottle, within about a week, he stopped getting up so frequently! He got up only when he was actually hungry and then got the bottle. We lessened the amount in the bottle every week by half an ounce, and after 3 weeks, without any crying it out or fights, he was sleeping through the night.

On occasion, he still wakes up during the night, but now we know it is only b/c he's hungry so we'll still give him the bottle. It happens about 1-2 times a month.

Hey J.,
May I suggest the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Mark Weisbluth? This book details how to develop good sleeping habits in your child. The book does recommend letting your child cry-it-out which means that you will not be allowed to go in and comfort your child which may be very difficult. However, if you keep to your guns, he will eventually teach himself to fall back to sleep without help from mom or dad. Self-soothing is learned technique.
He obviously is a bright little guy. He has figured out that if he doesn't feel like sleeping, and wants to hang out with mom, all he has to do is cry and she'll come and hang out with him. At his age, he should not need to be eating after he has gone to bed for the night. It really does sound as though a habit has been created, and now he is milking it for all its worth.

You're not doing anything wrong - nursing can go up till they are 4-5 yrs old - my Aunt did it with her youngest child and so did my cousin who nursed her son till he was 4 too.
have you tried to have your child sleep on your chest when you rock them to sleep - like nap when they nap? every child is different in eating habits and sleeping habits - I was lucky with my son, he'd sleep when he wanted to - my daughter stayed up late till I went to sleep - she was sleeping with me till she was almost 4 yrs old - until she was finally comfortable sharing a room with her brother (younger). Both my kids have their own 'safety' blankets -
my daughter dragged her blanky and my son had his power ranger doll - patience and understanding and love is pretty much all you can do for a child so small in that way - and one thing is always speaking to them in a calm manner - I use to hold my kids until they fell asleep or lie down with them in their room so they would know I was there before I go off to my room - nothing is ever easy for a child so small who cannot communicate so well - plus alot of prayer helps too - faith will carry you forward - now my two are yound adults 18 & 20 - and they have both left the nest - they loved me reading to them and singing the ABC or other nursery songs.
You child will be fine, we cannot tell of special needs for a small one, a mother's duty is 24 hours/7 days a week - my children are half greek, japanese, samoan, caucasion - chop suey mix - a child is a child cherub in God's eyes - not bi-racial - have a good one, R.

I feel for you..This is just my opinion and what my pediatritian tells parents...after 6 weeks infants don't need to be fed during the night and should sleep through the night...at least 6 hours. Unfortuanatley because your son is older it may take more than a few days for the adjustment...you may need to go 2 weeks of letting him cry it out. As for him being lean, my son is also and most cases they are perfectly healthy. My son is very lean also. My pediatrician says it will work to his advantage. Most of america is obese and don't have a healthy weight..it use to be known as a good thing to have a chubby baby and now they are finding that isn't the case. At 22 months you should have to be nursing him especially because of what it is doing to you and probably the atomosphere in the home if your stressed he's stressed so it's not worth it. He can be drinking water now during the day and he gets the calcium and vitamin D from the water and gets the other nutrients he needs from the foods he eats. My son goes up and down with his eating...for a few days he may not eat much at all then he'll start eating everything in sight. Make a schedule and be consistant..children do better with consistancy...No matter how much sleep anyone gets get up at a certain time..schedule the day for breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner and maybe a bedtime snack. Have the bedtime routine of bath, story, sleep with a set bed time. It's going to be hard at first but after 2 weeks it should be pretty smooth. You many have occasional days where it doesn't work as well. But running yourself crazy like that isn't good for either of you. I'm one of those people who doesn't let the child run the house..some run their schedule/life according to what their children are doing..I can't function that way. It works for some and that's fine. Don't beat yourself up about it..Take a deep breath..I can go on forever. Have you tried Pediasure? If he ends up likeing it you could buy it in bulk on ebay or amazon it's alot cheeper. My son doesn't like that ore any milk type product..but it's good for the days he isn't eating much. You shouldn't have to nurse or use formula now. Most doctors have parents switch to whole milk at 12months. Hopefully between my advice and some others you can find something that works for you. You got to take care of yourself too. Just remember that :-)

Great job nursing.
He's not hungry, toddlers will eat if they're hungry. It's just his way of soothing himself back to sleep. It's a pattern for him, and the older he gets the harder it will be to break. You can eliminate the night time feedings and still nurse during the day. Remember, to only cut out one feeding at a time. About 2-3 weeks per feeding.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong; you just have a son who knows what he wants. This will be good for him ... later :) And good for you for still nursing. I too had to night-wean at 2 years, and it was really tough.

Here are some things that worked pretty well:

*) tell him that the boobs (nummies, or whatever you call your breasts) need to sleep when it's dark. He can "eat" (that's what we called nursing) when the nummies wake up after the sun comes up.

*) get a digital clock and tape over the minute numbers and put it in his room. Tell him that when the number is 5 (or 6) he's welcome to come into bed with mommy and nurse, but that it's sleepy time until the number is a 5.

I was co-sleeping still, so I had another strategy that I'm not sure will work since you're not. But if you're ready to try something drastic, you can put band-aids on your nipples at night and tell him they're broken. This worked REALLY well when I was ready to stop nursing altogether (when he turned 3) but not so well for night weaning (taking them off and on was a PAIN). But it was a good reminder -- he'd lift the shirt and the band-aids were there.

If you don't HAVE to wean, and you're okay with co-sleeping, you might just bring him to bed when he wakes and go back to sleep with him, while nursing. I did that too and it was the only way I got any sleep. Both my sons "reversed" their feeding when I went back to work. If the "breastaurant" was only open at night, THAT's when they wanted to eat. So co-sleeping was self defense, and it worked especially well with both sons. AND I kept taking prenatal vitamins, so I knew that they were getting nutrition from ME when they weren't eating. Sleeping while nursing can be a really good thing.

So much good luck to you.

P.S. There are also some really good tips (I got some of the above from) "The No-cry Sleep Solution" and "The No-cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers" by E. Pantley.

I will be of no help HAHAHA, my first two kids did not sleep thru the night until close to three. I have no idea why either. They still woke a few times a night even after I weaned them off the bottles. My last child slept thru the night before he was a month old, still is a great sleep and he is now 4. Some kids just take a bit longer to get the hang of falling back to sleep. That is my thoughts. What do you do when he cries for you? At some point just try NOT to do that as long as you are. If you go and hold him/nurse him for 15 mins, do it for 12 then 10 and so on, put him back to be RIGHT before he is about to fall asleep, then pat him gently until he is out IN the bed not in your arms. it should help with the crying it out thing, I could never do that for the same reasons you can't. Good luck, all I can tell you is that this too shall pass, and he will soon learn to sleep thru the night. For now do what works so you dont get upset (which will NEVER help calm you baby down), I felt that a sleeping child is GOOD no matter how or where they are sleeping. And just for the record, my daughter is now 10 and my two sons are 5 and 4, they are well adjusted children, independant and dont have seperation issues at all, in fact they all have high self esteem (daughter performs in all the school plays) Good luck to you all.

You're not doing anything wrong, J.! Sounds like your baby is in the habit of waking up to be nursed back to sleep. While there's nothing wrong with that while an infant, as you have experienced for yourself, it is an exhausting schedule for you. I used this method for both of my sons with resounding success, and my niece used it for her daughter. My first son was very stubborn and it took him about 8 days to get it. My 2nd son learned in 2-3 days. Every child is different. You can read the link to see what it's about....but don't try to follow it based on JUST THAT. You really need to get the book so you can fully understand all the parameters. And YOU DON"T have to wean your child to do this program!! It is available thru Amazon for a great price....and you will be amazed at how often you'll refer to this book throughout your children's childhood! Good luck, mom!

Here's the link: http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified...