I have an 8 year old daughter in the 2nd grade. For Christmas one of her schoolmates gave her a Justin Bieber poster. It's just a headshot and nothing remotely racy, but it's obviously a pre-teen pin-up type of thing. Before receiving the poster she had only the vaguest idea of who he was, but of course now that other girls at school think he's "hot" and "cute" and keep asking her if she's hung up her gift, she wants to put the poster on her wall.
My feeling is that this guy is 17, that his music is all about boy/girl romance, and is already in tabloids in shots with girls in bikinis, etc. Doesn't seem appropriate to have on my 2nd grader's wall. What do you mamas think? What age would you let your daughter start putting up posters of heart-throbs??
THANKS so much to all you Mamas for all the input! It really helped to clarify my thinking on this! I ultimately decided to tell her no, and I'll tell you why. But I should tell you a bit more about myself so you understand where I'm coming from with this question: First, I majored in Marketing Psychology at an Ivy League University, and have coached thousands on marketing and sales over the past 15 years, so I'm probably both more sensitive and more aware of just how powerful and insidious images can be, particularly to kids...Second, I have a much older son and have been through the teen years before, so I'm coming with having had the perspective of what teen girls/boys are like (and I could totally tell which of his girlfriends had been "sexualized" by marketing). Third, I come from a family where girls and boys were definitely split in their gender roles. Boys played sports, girls practiced putting on makeup and doing everything they could to "catch" a boy. Consequently I started having sex very early (14) and really resent that I did as I feel it was sort of "expected" of me, and not what I would have picked for myself if I hadn't been trained to act a certain way by parents and media. Fourth, we live in an affluent part of Scottsdale, AZ so there is already HUGE pressure for girls to fit the barbie mold (think Alicia Silverstone in Clueless). It is very common for high schoolers to dye their hair, wear fake nails, have had plastic surgery. We even have 1st graders that SHARE string bikinis with their size 0 moms...So I felt this was a good opportunity to at least show her that you can DECIDE when/where/how much you want to be pressured into fitting in...she's had similar restrictions before so she wasn't suprised (I don't buy Bratz dolls, let them wear skulls or camo, etc.).
That said, I don't think this is a HUGE deal either way and haven't been sweating bullets. I'm aware that putting up a Bieber poster doesn't mean she's going to become a stripper for goodness sake! And, I know as we enter the tween years there will be plenty of boy-craziness. We're really open and honest (she already understands birds & bees). We also talk a lot about business and marketing images no matter what they are, from cereal commercials, to makeup commercials, to magazine covers in the grocery line. So, I felt comfortable telling her exactly why I said no.
But in the end one of the main reasons I said no was that I realized that the whole issue only came up yesterday because the girl who gave her the poster was here. That girl has all brothers so her mom has really turned her into a girly-girl pre-teen before her time. My daughter hadn't even mentioned the poster since she received it two weeks ago. I realized there aren't other kids at the school pressuring my daughter, (as she's usually the trendsetter herself).I might have felt differently if this was someone she really admired and wanted on her wall but my sense was she wasn't THAT interested but asked me to put it up just so she wouldn't hurt the girl's feelings. I think she ended up relieved I said no...I didn't beat her over the head with any sort of psychological dissertation since we have talked about that stuff at other times. The whole conversation took two seconds. If it comes up again, we'll get into it in more detail...
She also thought it was better to have cool art on the wall than taped up paper pictures (so thanks to the mom who said it seemed more sophisticated).
So...that's what happened. I know we may be more strict on this stuff for now than some of you, and that's fine. Every family has to find their own balance. Like I said, due to my profession, I'm more vigilant than I might be if I hadn't studied exactly how even "harmless" images work their way into our brains and identities (and how a headshot can then be used as a foot in the door to start pitching other products for that brand - bieber dolls, bieber t-shirts, etc.) Aside from any sexualization issues, I just don't like the idea of hanging "advertisements" up in my kids' rooms, and didn't let her have Disney posters or the like either...
Thanks again for helping me find where I stand on this! -J.
P.S. I hope I'm not the only one that found that video of the 3 year old TOTALLY disturbing! So many things that upset me...that the mom would video tape her daughter while she was crying, that the daughter already knew how to be manipulative with fake crying, that she was already (at THREE) into competing with her older sisters over boys... But it all gets rewarded with lots of YouTube views and a spot on TV so it must be okay, right?? Yuck!
When she's old enough to know how to patch up/re-paint/touch-up the wall when the tape/tacks or whatever ruins it when she takes the poster down, then she can put something up.
I agree with the other mom it is just a head shot and Justin is the hottest thing out there. If she wants it on her wall let her have it. There will be another "big" thing in a few months and she will take it down
Honestly I think you're reading *way* too much into this. I mean, if it's just a picture of his head, who cares? It's not like she's putting up half naked pictures up, right? I think this is the start of many years of 'hot boys' and you just need to be aware of what she's into.
And it could be worse.....at least it's not a TWILIGHT poster!!
I don't believe in a "slippery slope." Either something's a problem or it's not. At age 8, things that would be problematic are: naked pictures, swear words, obviously sexual songs. Save the fight for one worth having, and let her hang the poster.
I think that 8 years old is too young. It's not about whether the picture is racy or just a head shot, it's about how we socialize, and allow our daughters to be socialized, to idolize boys and romance (usually a scenario in which the girl is dependent upon the boy). In isolation one poster doesn't seem bad but combined with the other images and ideas that are prevalent in all other forms of media as well as the toys that our children are exposed to leads girls to focus on the superficial beauty of themselves and others. I think that regardless of your decision, it is important for you to talk to her about media influences because even if she does not have access to certain things at home, she will likely see them when she is with friends.
I started getting teen beat and tiger beat magazines when I was in about 4th grade. had posters of bobby sherman, donny osmand and the jackson 5 on all my walls. david cassidy was of course the coolest of cool. remember that feathered hair.
My DD is 14 and I'm still trying to figure this one out. ;o) No really - around 5th grade my DD tacked Zac Efron on her closet door. High School Musical had just come out - it was HUGE and he was adorable. She and her firends played the CD and did little dances to it - pretty much what I was doing in 5th grade without the poster). Now that she's in HS apparently that kind of thing is not cool - her room is decorated, by a 14 yr old, but there are no posters. When she was considering it I asked her if she thought that looked more or less sophisticated than a room with framed pictures, etc. She never suggested posters again.
But I understand your concern. 8 yr old is young for the whole teen heart throb thing. Some parents are fine with, and even push the teen-mentality on their kids. I realy think we should encourage them to stay kids as long as possible. One possible approach - ask her "oh, do you really like his music? what songs does he sing again?" and when she can't answer say - do you really like him or do you think you should like him cuz everyone else does? the other option is no posters on the walls - period. you can decide to set an age limit on that - but personally I really don't like the concept of having musicians / hear throbs on kids walls. What makes them worthy of that status? As a matter of fact as I'm writing this I think I'm creating family policy for the younger one too. They will have to be worthy of being hung up on the wall and I'm going to have to hear about their contribution to the world and society in general before I'll approve of it. Hmmm...
I agree with Lesley. Its only a head shot.
Just do what you think is best.
My daughter is 8 and in 3rd grade.
Ever since Kindergarten... there have been kids in my daughter's classes, that are into 'teen' stuff or celebrities.
My daughter's Teachers... have all said at one point or another, that they can tell which kids are getting caught up in images/shows that are geared toward Pre-teens/Teens. Versus those that are not. And which kids are watching things, that are geared toward older kids. One Teacher even commented, sadly, that some young kids, do not have a kids heart anymore... they are although only 6 years old or so, already are just caught up in 'teen' influences. Though they are not yet that age. .... and their maturity is not yet in line... with that age group.
A Doctor we took my Daughter to, for a health issue... one of the questions he asked was "what kind of posters do you have in your room?" My Daughter does not have 'teen' pics on her wall. The Specialist said, that a child's environment... can/may impact a child and precocious 'puberty'... in an inadvertent way. In an emotion based way.
But again, at certain ages, a child will like certain celebrities... heart-throbs etc. But it may not be in the that manner.
Kids are fickle anyway...
As for my daughter, she's not into, those things, yet. But some of her class-mates are. They talk about how 'hot' some boy/celebrity is etc. She's not bothered by it, nor does she do it just because others are.
And it is also part of growing up.... for which the Mom/parent has to talk with the child about it.... as you see fit. Guiding a child... and TEACHING them HOW to "discern".... media influences etc., versus their OWN, feelings/opinions etc. And if that is appropriate for themselves or not.
Anyway, just reiterating, what the Specialist said. This was a Pediatric Endocrinologist. Who is very well regarded in my State.
There is no one right or wrong answer to this.
Do as you see fit, per YOUR daughter....
all the best,
Susan
I dont think it would hurt anything, it's probably not even important to her. BUT, it will be kind of cool to watch the progress of what begins to go up on her walls.... so count this one as a stepping stone to what will end up as a ridiculously crazy room at one point or another in the future :)
Well, she's not the youngest Bieber fan out there:
My daughter is 7, she has like 5 posters up of justin, there are no racey posters of justin, hes still a preteen heart throb even though he is 17 he has the attention of the tween and preteen group. 6 to 13. When i was my daughters age i had a poster of bon jovi, he was much older.
Yeah i found it a little sad when my daughter started crushing on a celebrity, but only because im not ready for her to grow up yet, shes still my baby. But in retrospect, we all were there at some point or another.
remember new kids on the block?
I agree with the other posters.... don't read so much into it..
Use it to keep the doors of communication open with your daughter.
My daughter is 16 and no longer has the posters up but she had all the Twilight, Harry Potter posters for a while.
It could be much worse.
My daughter is 10 (4th grade) and started looking at the posters/picures/magazines with that "awe" look on her face around 2nd grade. I think around 3rd grade is when she started pulling the books apart and sticking them to the wall. It started with Miley Cyrus and spread to Miranda Cosgrove, the full cast of HSM and we've finally made it to Justin Bieber this year. She got a JB poster for Christmas and actually stuck it on the ceiling above her bed (loft bed)! Totally on her own wishes! I say let it be. Remember what it was like to be young and have a secret crush on someone that you though you actually might just have a chance at love with some day :P
Justin Beiber is a cutie, let her hang up the poster.
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I was 12 and one of mine was Rick Springfield. He was ancient back then.
Ha ha.
I don't think it's a big deal (especially if they are teens).
And I think the kids these days start doing everything earlier (wanting to wear makeup, go to movies etc.) A sign of our times?
Eh, don't think there is any age in mind. Obviously, she is only doing it because the other girls like it. My daughters friend is in Kindergarten and last year in preschool a few of the girls were into Justin B. They liked his music not about how cute he was, but still....preschool? Anyway, my daughter did not like him....because she only likes girls who sing. LOL But if she had, wouldn't have been that big of deal. But the Justin fad came and went just as the silly band fad came and went.
Let her hang the poster, I'm sure the new fad will kick in soon enough and the poster will come down.
I have a daughter who is in 1st grade and she does get really excited when she sees J.B. on t.v. or hears a song of his on the radio. Her attaction to him is pretty basic: he's a cute boy who is on the radio and all her friends like him. She doesn't have access to any of the tabloids or t.v. shows that show him photographed with girls in bikinis, so I'm not worried about that. And I don't think his age is really a problem. He's just a cute pop singer who is going to be replaced by another cute pop singer (hopefully!) on the popularity charts pretty soon. And right now, with my daughter being so young, my husband and I still have a lot of control over her environment and she's still at an age where she does listen to what we say, so I do spend that time talking to her about various lifestyle choices and right from wrong as they come in up in our daily living.
Well....my 5 year old got a poster for Christmas from her 13 year old sister and they put it up in her room. My 5 year old loves his music.
My sister got her the singing doll and my mom got her T-shirts. She loves it. I say its OK. Its all just for fun. Its not like he is posing sexy or nude.
I think your instincts are right on here, J., because Justin Bieber's enlarged head is probably going to be just the beginning. Girls today are becoming "teenagers" at earlier and earlier ages and it's as depressing to me as it is frightening. Why can't they just be little girls?
It's a fine line to walk, because you don't want to be unfair and/or over-reactive to your daughter's innocent request. But you also want to set clear boundaries for her that (as her mother) you are completely entitled to set. I'm sure you'd also hate to get peer-pressured by a bunch of 2nd graders into allowing something you normally wouldn't, lol.
If it were my daughter, I would say not a chance. Not for a few more years. And if she REALLY wants to decorate her room with posters, you can compromise by allowing only posters of (wholesome) female characters, celebrities, etc. Though even THAT feels a little too "teenage" to me. Maybe Disney princesses?
My daughter's almost 4 now, but I plan on waiting until she's at least 14 to even allow her ears to be pierced so maybe I'm just extreme. I don't know. And don't even get me STARTED on makeup. My SIL tries to put a very small amount makeup on my daughter all the time but I refuse to allow it. I know it's just for fun, but it kind of horrifies my hubby and I, lol.
I'd let her put it up, I think it's harmless. I don't think your daughter's going to start reading the tabloids.
Sherry! -- You must be my age!! I remember all those guys from Tiger Beat too!
Omigod everyone has to watch that youngest Justin Bieber fan link below. It's the cutest thing ever!!! But you have to watch the whole original post first - 3 year old crying over Justin Bieber. And that little girl ended up on Jimmy Kimmel because of it.
whenever she wants to. it's her space and she should be able to put up posters of things/people she likes.
