What a Oxymoran...

Wow....I never felt the need to "pop" my daughter when she was a baby (or when she was older for that matter). I think the cycle will stop when you are able to handle this constructively. M.M. had some great advice below on how to deal with it in a "yes" way.

Pick her up and love her!!!! She's only one year old!! You don't discipline a one year old for falling -- she's just a little baby!

She's going to ignore your "no's" a lot as she grows up, and if you feel you need to discipline her all the time for that, you are going to be an abusive parent. Love her, love her, love her up.

Why are all you other parents so desperate to tell this young woman to hit her child? THE BABY IS ONLY 15 MONTHS! Lighten up!!!!!

LovelyCerys: you are right - your baby is precious. Don't hit her. Love her.

She is testing you. By not stopping she is asking, "does mommy really mean stop, or can I get away with this?" When she falls on the floor she is testing you again to see what will it take to make mommy feel bad and change her mind. TRUST ME, you want to continue to discipline, and when she falls on the floor make sure she cant hurt herself and then let her be. She will stop, each time she will stop sooner. If you don't teach it now, when she is 15 you will have an out of control teen..that is far worse than an out of control hurricane. Good luck.

I know that a lot of people do not agree with "spanking" or "popped", but I do believe in spanking, not that I have had to do it often, but there is nothing wrong with it, so don't let anyone try to make you feel bad for how you discipline. As far as her falling on the floor, I would just let her throw the fit and then when she is finished take her up and let her know why she got "popped" and love her. Maybe try walking away when the fit starts and she will see that the fits don't bother you. I know others may not agree and thats ok, everyone disciplines their child different, but the bible says "spare the rod, spoil the child", that doesn't mean beating either, but if no discipline is done, well the bible speaks for itself.

Spanking or popping a child does not prompt them to hit. Why do children bite? Do parents bite them at home? HARDLY. It's natural for children to hit. Spanking or popping ISNT hitting, it's sending a quick message that this behavior is wrong.

Of course she's going to fall down & throw a fit. It's the response she's trying to get from you that prompts her to do that. Best thing I ever did when my 5 children did this--ignore it. They will wail like they're dieing but trust me, they aren't. If you constantly pick her up, love on her and perhaps give her a treat when she does it, she'll throw one of those suckers in the grocery store when she doesn't get the candy she wants---trust me on that one, LOL. I had a friend whose son did that & he just threw himself on the floor and did the same thing. The child promptly got up & never did it again, he was a bit older than your daughter though.

By ignoring her, you take away her 'power' to get you to respond the way she wants you to. Most likely she'll get louder or do like some of mine did & follow you to the room you're in and throw herself on the floor in there, kind of funny but very annoying. I would just calmly pick them up & tell them this is a no-no and if I felt they were old enough to understand time out, that's where we'd go.

Children are precious but they are also manipulators of sorts. When my oldest son was 4 he wanted our friends dessert so he kept winking at her and smiling as if flirting would give him the dessert. We thought it was funny that a 4 year old would know to do that, we sure didn't teach it to him. BTW, he didn't get the dessert.

I'm not a fan of "popping." I DO think it teaches a child to do the same when they are frustrated. Children learn by modeling.

She probably is testing you, which is very normal in my book. She sounds smart! I sort of wish you would give an example of something she ignores, but what I think works best is a "natural" consequence. For example if you tell her to stop throwing her food on the floor, and she looks at you and then throws it anyway........ She is testing you. To me the natural consequence would be to clean her up and put her down to play. No anger, nothing physical. Just No more eating that meal! Hey, in my mind she is finished if she isn't eating.

She has to test the waters LovelyCerys. How else will she learn. Remember, she has no real experiences yet.

I think that spankings could be in order for "certain" offenses but not all of them. If you use it too much, it's not effective. Hitting and lying are the big no no's in my house. All other offenses are treated different. And after you pop her you should love on her. Don't neglect her. She needs to understand that you are not rejecting her but simply not tolerating her behavior. I tell my boys that I always love them but sometimes don't like what (the behavior) they chose to do.
Best Regards,
C.

Read love and logic. A great tool for getting the discipline routine down.
Also some information on child development could be beneficial. At 15 months she may know what NO means, but she does not have the capacity to make a consious effort NOT to do something.
Leading studies say children cannot conciously make a "good/bad" decision and understand consequences until 5 or 6 years old. All the time up until then is just training them.:)
Hang in there and be patient.

Give her a pop on the bottom when she disobeys, then ignore her fit throwing. Don't pick her up and love on her, that's why she's doing it because it gets her what she wants. Ignore her during the fit, then when she's done pick her up and love on her. That will teach her what you want her to learn. Good behavior gets her what she wants.

If you read other questions moms have asked about what to do with their kids when they don't listen and misbehave anyway, you'll see what kind of problems you will have if you don't discipline. Start early. 15 months is not too young.

I have several grandkids (1.5 to 4 years old) that will cry when they are diciplined and while they are throwing their tantrum, they will look around to see if anyone is watching. If no one is watching they will get up and go to where they have an audience and start over again. They know what they are doing.

Suggestion: When your child misbehaves and you discipline her and she falls on the floor, just walk away and become interesed in somethngs else. Chances are real good that your girl will go to where you are and either start over again or will want some lovin'. I've found the best way to make dicipline more effective is to give the child hugs and tell them you love them, but NOT what they did. And do this AFTER the crying or pouting has stopped.

Try and figure out what you're going to do before they misbehave. Example: One time one of my 13 year olds was disiplined and yelled, "I hate you". I quickly replied, "I'm sorry you hate me now. I love you and will always love you. I'm your dad and I have to teach you right from wrong. I just don't like some of the things you do and you knew it was the wrong thing to do. I know you don't like the consequences of your making a bad choice. But remember this, I'm your dad and will always love you." Then I turned and walked away. After he got over his "mad" I gave him a hug and told him I loved him.

Good luck to you and yours.

You can discipline in different ways. Think about what you want - you want your daughter not to do something. So, to get her to not do something, you can:
* prevent it from happening by putting it out of her reach. Now she CAN'T get to it.
* distract her with something more interesting. Now she's forgotten about it.
* tell her what TO do. Picture 'don't touch that' and picture 'keep your hands on your lap'. Which is easier?
* teach her how to handle something gently, like with two fingers
* supervise her and let her satisfy her curiousity. Then she will go on to something else.

You can discipline without doing something that causes you to feel bad for doing it. Thousands of parents discipline this way and their kids are great - well adjusted, polite, all that stuff. They are still disciplined - still taught. They still have rules and boundaries and they are still followed.

I can give you some book ideas to start if you send me a note, or google for "positive discipline" "gentle discipline" and/or "attachment parenting discipline"

The bonus with these types of discipline is that you have a really close family. And you don't feel guilty for teaching your little one how to behave.

You feel bad because you are making her cry and you have the power to make her stop but you elect not to. But that's life, and it's something that she's going to have to get used to. It's been a while since I had a 15-month old, but I remember reading that at that age they are actually not capable of obeying you when you say "no". They hear you say it, they know what it means, but their desire outweighs your command and they can't help but ignore you. We don't really think of learning to obey as learning a new skill, but if you remind yourself that every time you say "no" she is learning a lesson, it may be easier for you. If she's throwing a tantrum, ignore her.

I don't think they understand cause and effect at that age. When they fall down, just kiss the boo boo with lot's of loving and try to take precautions to keep them from doing the same thing again (like trying to climb out of crib, etc).