Weight Conscious Inlaws..

i would say something!
my hubbys family is like this as well. sil is 5'6" and 140ibs and shes on a diet. mil is about 5'8" and about 160ibs and shes also on a diet. hubbys nieve is 7 and because her mom & grandma are so wieght concious, she is afraid of being fat so she wont eat hardly anything! she is sickly looking almost because she is afraid of being fat. ugh, i just cant believe some people and how they project themselves and thier thoughts!
--S.

I would honestly sit down and talk to them, if that isn't possible write a letter where you won't be interrupted.

Something like I know that you are proud of your recent weightloss, and like to discuss dieting strategies (etc) We are trying to teach "daughter" to eat healthy excersise, and overall live a healthy life. I'm sure you're aware of the epidemic of eating disorders that plauge young girls in our country. Children as young as 1st and 2nd grade report that they have tried dieting, it's so important to instill in our girls that HEALTHY is better than being a certain weight or certain size. I would really appreciate it if you could curb any talk of dieting, or weightloss while we are visiting so "daughter" doesn't get confused about how to be healthy

I agree with Sasha N that your daughter will eventually encounter a situation that makes her feel insecure and it's up to YOU as her mother and female role model to equip her mentally/emotionally to deal with this. I think that if you lead a healthy lifestyle by eating well (not obsessively well, but lots of fruits, veggies, healthy carbs and the occasional treat)and get exercise (by walking, playing outside, swimming, etc.), your daughter will learn by example. As the other moms stated in their responses, it may also be a good idea to speak to your in-laws about the situation. True, it may be uncomfortable, but hopefully you may be preventing future problems. You could try to say, "I know you're concerned about watching your weight, but I would prefer if you didn't talk about that kind of stuff around my daughter." You can also add that some (good) fat is essential to a child's health (brain food!). You may also consider getting your daughter involved in some kind of sport (gymnastics, soccer, swimming, etc.). Studies have shown that adolescent girls who are involved in sports often have better self-images.
Good luck! You are doing the right thing!

My parents are both very weight concious. I am not overweight now, but I was in the past. Both my mother & father have made comments to me when I was young about my weight. I believe that those comments affect my body image to this day. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I was talking to my father one day when he started talking about kids being over weight. I took that oppurtunity to tell him that I would not tolerate anyone talking to my daughter about her weight. I explained why & made it very clear that if anything was ever said, I would be dealing with that person. I also called my mother & my mother/father in law & told them the same thing. I explained that I wanted everyone to be on the same page when it comes to this issue. As uncomfortable as it may seem at the time, noone will protect your child the way you will. It is better to nip this in the butt now then to wait until your daughter is older & more exposed to it. Your daughter is young enough now that if you say something to your mother in law, she will not remember it. I hope this helps! Good luck!

What is your husband's take on all of this? If he is in agreement with you, maybe he should be the one that talks to her. Also, as long as you continually give your daughter the reinforcement she needs, that she is a beautiful person just as she is, it should set a foundation for her to not be affected by this. Whether it is your mother-in-law, or someone else, she will eventually encounter a time when she will be made to feel less than perfect. So, that positive reinforcement will come in handy, whether you talk to your mother-in-law or not. You might also, after she becomes more aware of body image, talk to her about how unglamorous the figures of models and ultra-thin celebrities are. The negative commentary about unhealthy lifestyles in both directions might be beneficial to her to make sure that she doesn't fall into the diet trap as she enters her teen years.

Change the subject. With in laws, if you want them to stay that way, (and not become out laws-ha), just don't give the subject any input, and after they're discussion/comments, move on to another subject. You will probably never change their problems with this, so don't give any attention to the subject. Your daughter will grow up to look to your outlook and attitude, more than likely, so I would not make a big deal of it. If you do make a big deal of it, it will place a lot of emphasis on the subject, which your daughter will definitely notice. Just one way to look at it. J. C.

Bulimia is a mental health disorder. There is a major difference between the two compared to just healthy eating. Children at an early age can learn the difference. I believe there is a danger to a child if exposed to any kind of obsessive behavior. You have the benefit of living a distance from them. Our children were raised in AZ which was a good place for us. I didn't want our children to grow up using the "N" word in relationship to African Americans. Our children grew up to be adults that accept all racial groups. I believe that had they been raised near my family in the deep south where these kinds of terms are a norm the chance of them having such a respect for others would have been less likely. My point is she will learn by example. Explain to your in-laws that if they continue to focus on their weight during visits that you may be forced to limit the visits. During the families return trip spend some time dicussing the difference between healthy and unhealthy eating habits. Try not to make such a big deal so they don't become obsessed as other family members. My father so focused on my being over weight that he actually had a scale sitting on the floor when we returned for the night from a visit to my brother's home. I did blow a gasket in front of my children and Daddy did apologize in front of them. My oldest has always had a problem keeping her weight down and she has used food during depression/stress to the point of developing an eating disorder which led to therapy. One can be predisposed to mental health disorders but the chances can be decreased if one learns better coping skills early in life. Talking and praying about issues are some examples of healthier coping skills. Ask the pediatrician for a referral to a social worker if he hasn't any info on hand with special attention to healthy coping for children. Reinforce your childrens selfawareness by acknowledging postive behaviour. I wish you luck!

first off, i must applaud you for having a positive body image of your own. i'm kind of dealing with the same issue where my mom has recently decided to count calories and she is in great shape and it has been frustrating to me. i've mentioned it to her a thousand times over to stop with the comments, too. my little girl is almost 13 months old and i, too, don't want her to pick up negative vibes about her body. i think as long as there are loving mothers like us that constantly remind our daughters of how beautiful they are, they will not grow up to be self conscious... i'm hopeful! i know how difficult it can be dealing with a mother-in-law, that's for sure! maybe if she hears you enough praising your daughter for how beautiful and healthy she is, she might get the hint herself! good luck!

A letter or just talking would be a good idea. I am in the field of health and fitness and deal with people like that all the time. More is not always better and can end up doing more harm than good. Your daughter needs to be raised with a good self image of herself. Teach her to be healthy and active but never on a "diet", or obsess about it. These inlaws are definitly not very good role models for her as she gets older. Good luck!