Weddings

never have i heard of matching at the bridal shower EVER or rehersal dinner ONLY the wedding and reception. if you dont have the extra money DONT do it. maybe get something that is similar that you may be able to have altered to wear later

uggg...I have never heard of matching outfits at the shower. Do your thing, people get so caught up in the hoop-la of the event that they forget the occasion is about celebrating families coming together. The maid of honor sounds like the girl from the Bridesmaids movie? I would not expect a gift from someone who is traveling to my wedding from out of state. That is just me. Do what you can and don't feel bad or get yourself further into debt from feeling guilty about buying an expensive gift.

As for the gift, I don't think the dollar amount is important. You don't have to spend a lot of money - just come up with something sentimental and meaningful. For example, when my best friend got married to her second husband I was in the same situation. I was in the wedding, but did not have the cash flow to go "all out" I painted her a ceremic plate (at one of those places where you can paint it there and then they fire it). The plate had their last name on top, their names in the middle and all of thier children's names on the bottom. I also put their wedding date on it. It was decorated in a beach theme since they live close to the beach. You can decorate it to match their home. Or if you aren't a painter, maybe make a photo memory book for them to put all of their honeymoon pictures in. I have had to be very creative with gifts in the past because of a low budget, but I have noticed that if it is personalized, people love it. My best friend said my gift was her favorite.

When my sister in law got married, we spent $50-70 on her shower gift (mostly, because I let my daughter pick out her own gift ~$20) and $100 on her wedding gift. I was the MOH and I put a ton into her actual shower - and stayed at a hotel for the bachelorette, etc.. Plus it was a destination wedding, so we had to fly and stay in the Carribean. I think you are well within your rights to a) give a token and explain that in order to be involved you can't spend much on a gift or b) delay the gift. You have a year to send a present, but you could explain to your sister and give her something extra special on her anniversary.

As for matching, I have never heard it done. Is it all the guests or just the bridal party? Depending on how much you will "stick out", you might want to find something neutral - white, tan, brown, pastel - add a flower or scarf or something. But don't buy a new outfit if you can't.

For my brother's wedding, I think we spent upwards of $200 (but downwards of $300 on a gift). I was pregnant at the time, and the full economic reality of having a child (especially the gifted-but-with-special-needs child I wound up having) hadn't fully hit me. I could see spending a little less, if he were getting married today.

With siblings' weddings, I think "be as generous as you can reasonably afford to be" is a good principle.

For the shower, could you wear a neutral dress and then accessorize to go with the theme? You know, little black dress, but with a colorful belt, earrings, and pashmina-type shawl? You could still use all the accessories after your surgery.

I've been inolved in a number of weddings of every level of formality (from jeans by the lake to formal cathedral weddings). I have never heard of bridesmaids being told to dress alike for any pre-wedding events. No need to do this.

Regarding gifts, give what you feel good about giving. For a sibling wedding a thoughtful gift that reminds her of your sister connection or your childhood together will have more meaning than an expensive gift. Also, I remember being told (many, many years ago) that you have a year from the wedding to give the wedding gift. I don't know if that is the current etiquette, but it does take some financial pressure off.

When I got married I lived far away from my sister. She told me that her presence at the wedding would have to be her gift to me. Of course I understood that what she spent on her flight, hotel, etc was costly to her. Having her there meant more than any other gift would have. I have a picture of the two of us from that day that means the world to me.

okay, me thinkest the maid of honor is a little bit of a control freak...& lacking in reality!

wear the closest color you have....any pastel, white, cream, etc will work. I bet you could pull that off! Oh, & you could add some citrus accessories!

& as for the gift, give what works within your budget. Don't judge this by your own wedding nor what you deem is expected. A true gift is from the heart. :)

The matching dresses at the shower is absurd and I've never heard of such a thing. In terms of the gift, my sister had to travel far with her family to my wedding and her kids were in it, she was too so clothes to buy and all. She's very well off financially and I'm pretty sure she never got me a gift at all and that's fine. I wouldn't be much of a sister if I wrote-off all she DID spend and am annoyed that she didn't give me a gift. A very good friend did give me a few gifts but the best she gave was our wedding invitation framed nicely. That's what I remember most and think is a good gift when you want to do something but not spend a lot. It's meaningful coming from a close friend or family member. We still have it up on our dresser in our room. So something like that might be good.

I'm probably the expert on weddings with as many as I have helped plan and how many I've been in. I should have been a wedding planner. Movie 27 dresses. Yeah Might as well be her. Anyways out of all of them never heard of a theme like that for pre-wedding. Closest was big fancy hats and a lot of the hats were provided by the one putting on the party and then everyone came dresses nice and picked a hat. No need to spend a lot of money on a pre-wedding event outfit. Second question about what to get. I usually shoot for around $50 mainly because that's about the max I can afford. Whether a set of nice towels or something you know she might like for their house. Otherwise if you know she really wants the $400 mixer then give her a gift certificate to the store for x dollars and let her know she can put it towards whatever item she would like. Since you are her sister you don't have to get something off the registry. You could even give something that would be more personal between the 2 of you. Scrap book picture framed of the two of you as kids especially if you ever played dress up or played like you were getting married and there is a pic of it. You could even do a basket of things you know she likes coffees that she usually wouldn't buy for herself, bath stuff or even things for a romantic night for them. Dinner for two etc. Being a sister pretty much anything can go bc you know her well.

I've not heard of the "matchy" bridal shower thing, but my guess is so that you don't clash in pictures. Just a thought, but you could buy an inexpensive scarf and wear something very neutral that you already own.

As for what to spend, $100 is fine. My sister and I got married 13 months apart and agreed to spend $100 or less on eachother. We both wanted to acknowledge and have something to remember, but no need to break the bank (especially with all of the bridal party fees).

My BIL is getting married in a year... we are ALL in the wedding party, which is very sweet but we're already starting to "add up" what this is going to cost us!

Never heard of the matchy clothes thing - sounds like something she copied from someone else because she doesn't have any ideas.

If the shower is already planned, fine. But one thing I've seen done is a "round the clock" shower - every guest gets a time of day (10 a.m., midnight, 9 PM, whatever) ideally picked out of a hat but you can finesse that a little if you need to. Everyone buys a gift loosely based on that time of day. So 10 a.m. might be coffee mugs, 5 p.m. might be wine glasses, 3 a.m. might be lingerie, etc.

One thing that would not be expensive and that no one else could give her would be a recipe box or a cookbook of family recipes! Start collecting from parents and grandparents, cousins, etc. Put it together in a binder or in a do-it-yourself book you can buy on line or from a craft store. They can be recipes from generations ago, or just easy things people are known for now, or something they thought the bride/groom might like.

Another neat thing I found at a California wine country store was a local wine with the wedding info etched into the bottle - bride & groom name, date of wedding, whatever you want. We had a choice of wine & vineyard, and chose the wording from a couple of samples provided. The wine made a nice celebration for their first anniversary, and the bottle was a nice souvenir. I'm sure you could find this from a variety of vineyards. It's not that expensive - cost of the wine plus the etching plus shipping. A lot less than a $400 mixer that anyone could give her.

It's not about expense - it's about thoughtfulness. Be creative and don't worry about her registry!

You do not have to wear a matching outfit to the shower. That is ridiculous, in my opinion.

You do need to get them a nice gift, but you don't have to spend a lot. I just spent $200 on my sister's wedding gift, but you don't even need to do that much if you can't afford it. $400 is definitely too much. Find something sentimental or meaningful and that will be better than an expensive mixer.

You are already in her wedding and spending a bundle on it. That is generally the wedding gift. I know my bridesmaids did not get me an additional wedding gift (outside of paying for their dresses/shoes and travel expenses). I did the same when I was in several weddings. For the bridal shower gift, give her something personal/sentimental. Do you have a favorite necklace she has always coveted that you are willing to part with? Do you have something old/new/blue she could use for her wedding - maybe from your wedding? Or buy a beautiful frame and put your fave picture of the two of you when you were kids in it and write a loving/supportive/funny/kind letter or poem wishing her well in this new chapter of her life while reminding her she will always be your big/little sister. Or perhaps a scrapbook of family photos along the same lines. I work with a very dear to me older lady who doesn't have a lot of $ (family troubles). She so desperately wanted to get me something "important." I told her she didn't have to but she insisted so I asked her to get me the knife to cut our wedding cake with. She found one at an antiques store - silver plated but really lovely. Had it engraved. The whole deal cost like $25 but I treasure it to this day and have used it to cut several birthday cakes (for us and our children) in the almost 7 years since. Had another friend who didn't have a lot of $ either - I asked her to get 2 glasses for us to toast with - could be wine or champagne so long as they matched and were pretty. She found 2 lovely goblets on clearance post Xmas for my April wedding (yes she told me - my friends and I are like that). Love them. Sentimental does not have to = costly. BTW, have been in 5 weddings, NEVER had to wear matchy clothes for the shower. Ugh. Just do the best you can there - maybe you have a "citrus" scarf or something - and let it go. Maid of honor has gone nuts.

If I truly could not afford to buy a simple top to wear with a pair of black or brown slacks to a bridal shower that I would not hate and never wear again then I would find something at a thrift store that was within the color scheme and spend a couple of dollars on it and wear it the one time.

I think it is wonderful you are going to lose a lot of weight, that is good for you!

The cruise sounds fun too!

You are being a great sister with all that you are doing for her. She is really going to realize it someday. Right now she's planning a wedding and is not in her right mind...lol. Truly, all of us have been there that have planned our perfect wedding and got involved with the details just a bit too much. She will not even really notice too much if you don't conform to her every wish. Just do the best you can, that you can live with, and do that. You can always say "Okay sis, I'll get right on that" when she needs you to do something but as for the gifts and stuff. She will like what you're planning I think.

Be there for her, smile and tell her ideas are lovely, support her, she'll think you're wonderful.