My best friend is getting married and I am going to be the matron of honor. This is very exciting but the problem is that the wedding is far away in a remote location. It's going to be really expensive and we're in a difficult financial place lately. My husband just found out that he's not going to be getting paid this summer (long story). My question is: would it be totally inappropriate for me to go alone, despite how much my husband and I both love my friend, so that we can save money? His airfare plus not needing a dog sitter would save us at least 600 dollars. And I'm already looking at having to put this whole trip on a credit card just to afford it.
This isn't really a "so what happened," but I should clarify that it's not really a destination wedding. My best friend and I both grew up in the same city and both moved away, each to our respective coasts. Her wedding is going to be very near to where she and most of her friends reside, and it'll be a nice drive into the countryside for them. For me, it'll be a nice flight from Pacific to Atlantic coasts, then a nice drive into the beautiful countryside, which will mean a rental car in addition to airfare and hotel.
I emailed my friend about the situation this morning and wanted to hold off on a response here until I found out what she says about it, but under the circumstances of having misled everyone into thinking it was a destination wedding, I figured I should update this early. She's not the type of person to get mad and hold a grudge. She is the type to do everything in her power to help us both go to the wedding, including possibly having her father pay my husband's way; something that would be touching but my pride would stop me from ever accepting.
Totally fine...and you will be so busy that he would spend the time by himself mostly anyway! Just tell the bride in advance. She will be just happy to have you there. Can you share a hotel room with someone (bride/bridesmaid) on that end to cut expense?
Of course you can go alone. Being financially strapped is our new normal. Just tell your friend in advance why your husband won't be there.
Have a good time.
If the wedding is soon and the plans cant be changed, and you cant afford for both to go, I say yes, go alone. Dont stay gone long, and dont party hard while there. Stay somewhere inexensive, or with friends, share a room with the girls, and save every penny you can. Youve already paid for the dress and shoes probably, and hopefully not a huge gift. Hopefully your husband understands and is ok with it. If he isnt, then just bite the bullet and both go. But not till he figures out where the money will come from that wont hurt your family and finances. Showing him on paper what it will cost, and the difference it will make if you go alone might help.
Yes it is totally fine to go alone! Also, be honest with your friend maybe she or a family member has some airline miles you could use to fly free.
Best of luck!
Yes you can go alone, I went to my best friend's wedding alone as much as we would have loved to go as a couple, your friend should understand that they are asking a lot of their wedding party/guests when they choose a destination wedding and should not expect couples/families etc to attend in full force!
Yes, you can go alone. Is your airfare being paid by the bride? If so , hen yes, it makes sense that at this time, you just really cannot afford this luxury.
Go have and have fun..
I believe you have the right idea.
It's so hard when weddings are destination weddings. Most people don't have that kind of extra cash laying around to be able to go. I went to an amazing Hawaiian wedding, but it sure was expensive. I have to say it kind of turned into a forced vacation for my husband and myself though. We would never have done that if we weren't going for my friend's wedding. So, the flip side, both go, have a fantastic time and then pay it back. Will you be in the position to travel like that in the next four years? It might be worth it if you have to do it anyway.
I would have an honest frank talk with the bride. Perhaps she can fill the bridesmaid position just for the wedding and when they comeback home to have the reception you can
do your stuff then.
DEFINITELY tell your friend that you're about to face a financial set-back and that although your husband would love to come, he'll probably need to stay home from the wedding. If she's really a friend she will completely understand your situation, but don't assume that she will KNOW your situation unless you tell her.
When I was first out of college living paycheck to paycheck, I was the maid of honor for a very close girlfriend. She wanted the whole nine yards and I was happy to provide a bridal shower with favors, a bachelorette party, champagne brunch on the wedding day, AND I had to pay for my own dress, shoes, hair and makeup. I did buy her a present from her registry and gave it to her at the shower, but then thought I had spent enough money and didn't buy her another present for the wedding. I didn't think it was an issue but I never told her why and she ended up holding a grudge about it for over a year, which ultimately ended our friendship. It was so ridiculous and it's only with age that I realize I should have just told her up front that I only had so much money to spend. It probably would have changed her expectations about my obligations, and we might still be friends.
And don't let your pride get in the way of letting her help you financially either. It's her wedding and if it matters to her to have both of you there, then it's fine for her (or her father) to help. Just set your personal financial limits (how much you can spend on travel, eating out, a gift etc.) and then focus on how happy your friend will be to have you there.
Oh, and don't forget to think outside the box for ways to save money. Are there friends of hers that could pick you up from the airport and share the drive to the wedding? Is there a family member or friend of her's that you could room with? Just be open about the situation with her, and I'm sure she'll help you think of ways to make it easy.
man - when we got married out of state - we paid for the hotel accommodations of our guests....
your friend should understand your financial dilemma and understand your husband not being there....if she doesn't then she's not the friend you thought she was..
