Wedding Guests?

Updated on December 15, 2007
J.C. asks from Greenwood, IN
17 answers

Hi moms. I am getting married in November. YAY. Still far away, but I have a question. I am still really good friends with my x's mom. My x and I can have an appropriate conversation when we actually see eachother. I was wondering if I should invite my x's mom to the wedding/reception. She has been such a help when it comes to my daughter. I want her there, but I don't want to cause friction between my fiance and his family and her. HELP!

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C.U.

answers from Chicago on

I would tell the fiance' and let him mull it over and let him help in the decison, the last thing you want to do is make him uncomfortable at his own wedding.

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M.S.

answers from Chicago on

hi...
congrats...
we just got married in sept and my husband invited his x-girlfriends parents. He has a son with his x, but thats not why he did it. he just has a good relationship with them and it would be wrong to not invite them on such a special day. It would put alot if tention between you and x-inlaws by not invition them. So i would just talk to your husband and if he knows how much they have helped you, he'll understand and if no one els does, thats ok its your day and you should share it with people that love you.....good luck

So where are you getting married?????

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A.S.

answers from Chicago on

Just my opinion but I would say she is more like a FRIEND now then anything and you are inviting your friends to your wedding right? I just wouldn't make a big deal about it. Invite her like anyone else. If you draw attention to the matter is when people will THINK its a big deal when it really isn't. I think its great that you still have a positive relationship with her! Good for you! That says a lot about both of your characters.

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T.C.

answers from Chicago on

I think your future mother-in-law & your husband may feel uncomfortable with this. I like the idea of her coming to the ceremony & not the reception...but like someone else said, you can't really invite her to just the ceremony. I think you should think deeply about this, and first & foremost think of how your fiance & his family will feel. Friends are wonderful, but your husband should be the 1st priority. If he's okay with it, then great! Congrats!

P.S. If she is the grandma of your daughter, however, & she helps you care for her, then that's a different story & she should be invited.

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S.L.

answers from Chicago on

Congratulations! Wedding planning is stressful enough and I say its always nice to have the people around you who are supportive of you. My husband (of 5+ years) and I had various exes that we were still on good terms with at our wedding. It was great, and it felt appropriate because we're all still friends. My husband's ex's mom works at a jeweler and that's where he got my ring! I think you should just go with your gut, have a heart to heart with your fiance, and tell him its important to you that she be there since she has been there for you all along (have they met?). It sounds like a conversation you should have anyway because whether or not she attends the wedding, she seems to have a good presence in your daily life.

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C.D.

answers from Chicago on

I agree with Melissa. I would ask your fiance what he thinks and then maybe ask his mom if she thinks it would pose a problem to have her there. Everyone is different on this, but I wouldn't think it would be an issue.

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K.K.

answers from Chicago on

Ask your man flat out and go from there

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K.A.

answers from Chicago on

J.,
I had my ex's parents and sister come to my wedding. My new husband was fine with it. He knew he was marrying me and everyone in my life comes with... he needs to get used them now because you do have a child involved and that family will always be in your life. Plus, your close to your ex's mom...don't you think she'd be hurt if she wasn't invited?? Look at it this way... after the dinner she can take your daughter home with her for the night so you guys don't need to worry about her for a little bit and enjoy yourselves as husband and wife alone. I think you should invite her... he and his family just need to realize that they are part of your life and nothing can change it.

Good luck and congratulations!!

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F.O.

answers from Chicago on

Congradulations....When I got married maybe I just got lucky but I have a good relationship with my ex and their familys. My husband not only excepted them into the wedding but also would do anything for them. I would take ur husbands feeling into concideration but that is all. If he is okay with your relationship with ur ex mom now then when it comes to the reception he should be okay with it then.

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A.H.

answers from Chicago on

Congratulations! It's great that you have a good realationship with your ex's family! My suggestion would be to talk with your fiance' and his family and see how they feel about it. If all of you decide not to invite her, I would talk with her about it and let her know that although you want her there, you have to take the feelings of your new family into consideration. Maybe you could get together for a brunch before the wedding or something.

Good Luck!
A.

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L.F.

answers from Chicago on

Explain to your new family why you want her there. I hope she will be in her granddaughter's life forever. You did not divorce your mother-in-law you left her son. If your new family cannot understand how important she is to you and your daughter same on them. You never marry just the person your marry the whole tribe.

I wish my x in-laws cared about me son but they have never seen him. I do not think they ever will. No money is one reason. They also never travel. I think it is a wonderful thing that your x mother-in-law is involved. I think she should be in pictures with your daughter and you at the wedding. I think she should be honored with your new family. We all have to blend with divorces being part of our world.

Good luck with your new marriage and families.

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C.R.

answers from Chicago on

Actually, you don't need to ask anyone's permission. It is your wedding, if you and your fiance are comfortable with her attending, then invite her. Although you don't owe anyone an explaination (except your fiance,) most people have had divorces in thier families and realize that just because a couple divorces, all ties are not automatically cut.

I would invite her.

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B.A.

answers from Chicago on

My x's mom and I are great friends, too. I haven't seen him in many years, but she and I see one another quite frequently. I'm raising my two little granddaughters, and she helps out ALOT. And when my own daughter was little, we (my daughter and I) even lived with her and my x-fil.

Does your fiance know her? Does he know how important she is to you and your daughter? My advice is that if he's cool with it, when it comes time to introduce her to the other family members, introduce her as your friend. No need for explanations to them. She IS your friend, and that's what counts.

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S.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

I would talk it over with your fiance. Unless his family is paying, it's really up to you two. If it makes him uncomfortable, then let him be the judge, but if it's ok with him, then just explain to his family that she has been nothing but nice and helpful and you want to include her since the wedding is about your daughter's new family as much as it is about yours.

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E.W.

answers from Chicago on

I think it's your wedding, so invite whomever you want to be there to enjoy the special event. My sister did the same thing, she divorced her husband, but his parents still watch their daughter.
My sister invited his parents to her wedding when she got married again and everyone was happy they came.

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B.M.

answers from Chicago on

J.,
Congrats on your wedding. I have a friend who was in a similar situation.

The mom came to the ceremony, but not the reception. She was there to see her get married and then she went home. I know you can't ask her to only come to the ceremony, but if people are uncomfortable with her being there, this might be an option.

Good Luck with your decision. If this is the worst problem that you have with your guest list, you are one very lucky girl! :-)
B.

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M.C.

answers from Indianapolis on

You need to ask your soon to be family how they would feel if she came? If they are un easy then you may not want to invite her and explain to her why. Overall I think that as long as your ex does not so up with her then I think you are on the safe side of inviting her.

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