Wedding Advice

I think you need to do what is right for you. If anything, you can come back from eloping and have a reception to invite those close friends and family. That way they can celebrate with you.

M.,

My husband and I got married (my second, his first) 10 years ago in Vegas. We invited everyone we knew (friends, family members, co-workers) through invitations....gave them a "schedule" of where we were staying, when we were getting married, where we were doing our "dinner" celebration...and then said, "We'd love to have you join us!"

Guess what? My sister in law and her husband came, and 2 single friends and 3 "couple" friends...so we had 10 people there and we had a FABULOUS time!!! No one was upset....if they couldn't come, then they didn't...but everyone was invited.

Also, my best friend got married on a beach in FL....at SUNRISE...yes, it was about 6:20 a.m.!!! she also invited everyone to come (family, friends, etc.), said where they would be staying, when they were getting married, etc.....she had about 20 people there....

Then, when she got back to IN, she had a reception (lunch-type...only wine and beer, no open bar and that saved money) and she had lunchmeat sandwiches, chips, etc...deli-style... and those who couldn't come to FL came to the reception and had a good time.

So, whatever you do, JUST REMEMBER DO IT FOR YOU and for him!

What if you get married at the place you want, have the people there with you that you both desire, who love you and support you THEN, have a reception with everyone else who wants to be there and celebrate your marriage that way. You can show video of the wedding, the pictures.....I know everyone wants to be there and support you and it is hard to be the one "left out" but everyone has to remember that is is your day and your fiance's day. That way you have your small, personal wedding and then later everyone else gets to celebrate with you.
Mj

Number one - it is YOUR day.

My brother had a small wedding where they wanted with just a few family and friends. Then had a "celebrate our wedding" party (more fun than a reception, but the same idea) a few months later - thus letting everyone who wanted to be involved/included to celebrate with them.

It's NOT about them. It's about you and what the two of you want. Get married WHERE & WHEN YOU WANT WITH WHOM YOU WANT AND HAVE A BIG PARTY SOMETIME AFTER WITH ALL THE OTHER FRIENDS, RELATIVES & NEIGHBORS. It's THEIR obligation to deal with it.........NOT yours! That's NOT being unfair. THEY are the ones being selfish & unfair to the two of you.

First off congrats!! Secondly, I am not sure why we as brides think this is our day? yes in a sense it is our day, however, people close to us like to help us celebrate our day. I know it isn'tfair and we should be able to do what we want but sometimes that doesn't happen. If you decide to get married on the sly then you cannot invite your friends and not family, you are right, al heck will break loose!
Good Luck

Well it is your wedding and not theirs. So why are you trying to please them? We did the same. It was my first wedding and my husband's 3rd. We went to St. Thomas and got married and then had a reception at home 2 months later for everyone. That way everyone was happy. A lot of people will complain about having to spend the $ to travel to your wedding if it is far. So sto trying to please everyone and please yourselves! It's your day!

No matter how hard you try you will never please everyone. Make it special for you and your fiance. I think the celebration afterwards is a great idea.

Good Luck!!
J.

Honestly, I think you have 2 choices here... Let everyone come and do it their way OR don't let anyone come and do it YOUR way. Make sure your kids are involved but beyond that just make a video of the wedding and show it at your reception. Would make for a nice family vacation and memories!

My advice is to get all the information and pass it along to everyone. You'll need flights, hotel information, etc. and don't forget prices. Or, just say screw it, invite who YOU want and if the other friends don't like it...too bad!!! :D You could plan to have a reception locally when you return so your friends can share in your joy. I've had friends do both, invite everyone, and invite no one. My husband and I didn't go away to get married, but we did have a very small ceremony. I only invited parents, siblings and aunts and uncles. Half of the people I invited, didn't even show up to the ceremony! They just came to the reception. If you do decide to invite everyone, make sure you let them know that you aren't having a large reception and they are responsible for ALL their own costs. In the end, it's YOUR day. NOT theirs! And a big congrats on your engagement.

Do what you want to do. Go away, get married with few friends and/or family you want there, but make sure you aren't going to feel guilty for not including these people. A simple wedding close by, then going away for your honeymoon, might be an easier choice. Just have cake and punch afterward at a park or someone's home.
I've had sisters get married and not been invited and while I wish I could have been there, I didn't resent them and we were just fine afterward.
Make it your choice.

You are 100% correct - getting married IS supposed to be a happy time and YOUR day (meaning you and your husband). While I get that people want to share in the joy of your wedding, they should support whatever method you choose to begin your life.

Stick to your guns, do what you and your husband want to do, and enjoy your special day. If people want to be petty about it as opposed to being happy for you, then that's their problem.

It is your wedding do as you wish.If they get upset it is their problem not yours.They will eventually get over it.My first husband and I got married at a church with only a minister and two witnesses and then later that night we had a reception for every one.Sure saved a lot of money and the party was great even in the dead of winter.I sent out invitations in December and we got married Feb.4 th. No one had to buy any speial clothes or expensive gifts.We had a huge 3 tier cake and then a large sheet cake and all kinds of mints and nuts around and served fruit punch, we don't drink alcohol and were sure to tell every one No alcohol would be allowed.All children were welcome and it came off great.We were only 18 at the time but I just couldn't stand the thought of my parents and his puting a bunch of money into a few hours to be something fancy.
Good luck

Hi M.! Last year my cousin chose to do a Destinations Wedding and for those that either could not afford it or did not want to travel they had a small reception/get together when they returned. No matter what this is your special time with your fiance and children. If I was to do it all over again this is what I would do!

Also, I am a travel agent and if you need any help let me know! Since you have kids which it sounds as if they will also be in attendance, there is a great resort you might have heard about called Beaches. It is owned by Sandals. They have 3 locations in Jamaica and then another one in Turks & Caicos. They have great packages where your ceremony is included and some amazing add on options. Beaches is geared for singles, families, friends. Feel free to email me if you would like more information and help planning!

J. H

My sister went to Myrtle Beach alone and got married. no family, no friends. Sure I wanted to be there for her marriage, but we all respected her decision to do what she wanted to you. Your family and friends should be respecting your wishes if you don't want to have a wedding. Go and do what you want to do.....they'll get over it. Its your wedding. Dont' try and please everyone else.

Looks like you have a lot of good advice... I think the idea of going where YOU want and just inviting everyone is a great idea. Then have the reception at home when you return. My vote goes to this solution! ;-) Congrats and Good Luck!

I agree it is your time. What about having your wedding with family and friends in the fall and then come home and have a reception for everyone else so your other friends can party with you that's probably all they want to do anyway.
To save money you could even have a "Pot Luck Reception" Some young friends of ours did that a few years ago and asked people to bring food and not gifts. It worked out great for everyone.
Good Luck!
M.

My husband and I went to New Orleans to get married and honeymoon. I told my family that they weren't allowed to come. I wasn't trying to be mean and I love my family but I wanted this to be my wedding and that wouldn't have happened if we had gotten married here or if they had come with us. First of all, no one really had the money to take a trip. Second, we were not going to have a church wedding. Third, I believe that the marriage ceremony is a joining of husband and wife.... family not included. Certainly family plays a big part in a marrige but.... Anyways, the only one that professed to being hurt was my mother and once she understood that I wasn't budging, she was ok with it. We had a party at our house afterwards for our "reception". So, do what you want to do! It is your wedding! They (friends and family) all made their own decisions on what they wanted when they got married.

C

Of course it is your wedding, your day, your decision. Just remember you have to live with the consequences of that decision for the rest of your life. Is it worth creating hard feelings over?
In the long run, the wedding is only one day. You have a lifetime ahead of you, and the perfect wedding is a myth anyway. Don't create friction for the rest of your life over it. If it will truly make broken hearts and lasting bad feelings, give up on your "perfect wedding" and save that ceremony for your 5 or 10 year anniversary.

Your wedding day is supposed to be the first day of you and your spouse being one. In other words theoretically this is the day when you as a couple start making decisions that are for the best for you (as a couple). Who else would know what is best for the two of you, but the two of you. You should do what you want and try to explain to anyone that gives you a hard time that this is your decision to make and not theirs. I am sure this is easier said than done. When my husband and I got married, we were afraid of family members pressuring us so soon after announcing our engagement we would nonchalantly bring up our views on the wedding plans. I think it worked. At least we have never been told of anyone having hurt feelings. We welcomed suggestions, but the final decision was ours. Good luck.

If you want certain people at your wedding then that is who you invite! Sounds simple, I know, but really it should be that easy. If you've decided that you want to "sneak" away and get married, then you can't tell anyone! LOL! Honestly, you are not going to make everyone happy and that doesn't matter. What matters is what you and your husband to be want. If you want an intimate wedding with just a few family & friends at an out of town destination, then do it. Just put it matter of factly to anyone who asks and sound confident in your decison. Even if you are really scared inside about how they may react, if you sound confident in your delivery, then they are less likely to question you. This way they will no there is no way of changing your mind. If people get mad at you for having the wedding of your dreams, then maybe they don't belong in your life afterall?!?!

Go on a cruise...just you and your boyfriend....and come back man & wife. Sounds like you will have to exclude everyone

Fortunately, I have never been in this situation but I say you should do what you want. It is your wedding day and it should be exactly how you imagine. That being said, I can understand why you would want to please everyone. You have to choose not to worry about what everyone else thinks and follow your heart. Don't feel guilty. There aren't many days in a persons life that they can be completely selfish and it's fine. This is one of them! So, live it up and have the wedding of your dreams. In order to ease your mind (and guilt) you can organize a "for show" wedding when you return. Basically, just a reception where you show pics of your real wedding. Maybe, you and your new hubby could write some additional vows of your own for the party. That way, those people who love you will still get to feel a part of your day. Good luck and God bless!

Hi M.,
I am like you ~ I have my own ideas but am a people pleaser (we don't like to rock the boat). My sister on the other hand does what she wants & everyone loves her ~ she's so nice! She wanted to get married in Maui & whomever could come, did. There were about 30 people there. She got married on the beach & had a luau (sp?) reception, we had a blast! That was not affordable for some family members (understandably, Maui is far)or some just could't go the distance (older relatives). So when we came home, she had a reception here too ~ w/ a Hawaiian theme. There were LOTS of people at the reception here. Nobody got upset, they were quite understanding. You guys should do your thing ~ it's YOUR day, if you 2 don't do what you want, you'll probably be kicking yourselves down the road.
Good luck!
H.

M. - I understand your situation. The best thing I can tell you is that this is YOUR WEDDING and NOT anybody elses. You need to do what you want to do. My husband and I went to St. Thomas, VI to get married and honeymoon and it was awesome! However, my family wasn't there (their loss!) and only one of my husbands brothers and his parents could make it. We have absolutely NO REGRETS about this as it was THE BEST TIME EVER. This is about you and your fiance - NOT about making anyone but you guys happy. Just my two cents. I hope it works out.

First: It is your wedding, not your families, not your friends. You should get married how and when you want to get married. Approval from other people will be accepted but it is definitely not required. Your families are obviously not paying for the wedding so you don't need their permission to it the way you choose.
Secondly: If you don't want people getting their feelings hurt then do not discuss your plans with anyone but each other!

congratulations. i think that you should do what you want to do. the family members that are getting upset can just deal with it. it is not there wedding, it is your day do what ever will make you and your husband happy.

i had planned the same thing. People will have to understand. it is selfish of them to dictate your dream wedding ideas. heck, if they want to be there, they can catch a flight if they are willing to spend the money.

What I made clear was- we were getting married on this day, and people were welcome to come to the destination 4 days- (or whatever...a reasonable amount of time for them to stay since they did fly out to the resort) prior- as we were also, then must leave- as we wanted to have our "honeymoon" there ALONE. Enforce the days they must GO. Alone is what your honeymoon should be! Be strong and FIRM! Otherwise, you will be RESENTFUL & BITTER for the rest of your life.

And for anyone STILL voicing their negative opinion about the leaving thing, but not willing to fly out themselves- tell them that is why you are having the reception back in your home town! And let that be the end of the discussion. You may have to remind them that you did not interfere in thier wedding plans what-so-ever. And that you were just happy for them, and went along with any plans that they had.

viola!!

Congrats! Don't let anyone stress you out about your decision and your special day (week or 2).

A.

M.,

Why don't you just elope? You know where you would like to go. When you come back, you can have a reception where you can invite your friends and family. You can get married where you are planning to go and your friends and family can be part of the celebration.

Sue

You're right, getting married is supposed to be a happy time and it is about the two of you. No one else. Even if you were to plan a wedding that you think everyone else wanted, you're still bound to get grief from someone, whether it be a family member, a friend, whoever. You can't please everyone, so you might as well please yourself. In the end, it's your and your fiance's day. I will forever regret not having the wedding I wanted in order to please my family. Stand your ground and you'll be all the happier in the end.

This is a hard one, my husband and I are still dealing with upset family members 7 1/2 yrs later. We got married in our home town on a mountaintop, most of his family in the area didn't come because it wasn't a 'real' wedding and we didn't invite people from out of town because it was a very small affair. Today the people who weren't invited are still upset, and even the people who chose not to come to a 'fake wedding' are upset because they missed it...their excuse is that they didn't really KNOW we were getting married! My advice is to do whatever you want (that's what we did) and not worry about everyone else, after all, it's not going to be their marraige!
Good luck
~J.

Help? Sounds like you've already chosen to be a family. Your wedding is long overdue. Nonetheless it's still YOUR wedding. Do it your way then have a reception or party when you return if you want to. You have a 9 and 3 year old. They need parents that have THEIR best interests in mind not yours. You can't please everyone and you shouldn't even try. Decide what you want and stick to your decisions. People will respect you for your integrity and confidence. You are the adult. You are educated and know what your talents and abilities are. It's time for you to devote your time to your children to develope theirs. For the next 18 years, life is about THEM! Be the best mother and wife you can be! You'll never regret it.

Honey, it's your wedding....do what you want. Other people are not getting married and if you would be happier with a small, intimate wedding then go for it! If someone says something then say, "Well, when you get (got) married you can do what you want. This is what we want!"

Don't begin your life together letting other people make decisions for you!!

And, Congratulations!

Are you and your fiance paying for the wedding completely on your own? If so, then do it YOUR way. Invite who you want and explain to those that won't be there that you'll be throwing a party to celebrate your marriage shortly after you return...and then have a party with all the rest of your friends and family within weeks of your actual wedding ceremony. Heck - have a slide show at the party so that everyone there can see what the wedding was like. :)

I was having the same issue. my fiance and i are talking about going to tenn in the fall of 2010. we just want family there. some aren't in agreeance with it but it's our day and if they want to be apart of it they'll be there to support us. just remember its not about anyone else but u two. good luck !

It was very similar for my husband and I. This was not the first marriage for either of us. So, we went to Gatlinburg, TN spent the week. No kids, no family, no one but us. We got married while we were there. I know it sounds harsh but for us it worked and no one had anything to argue or be upset about because no one was there. We have a video that we shared with everyone once we returned. In TN there is no waiting period. If you are thinking of going away make sure you check to see if that state has a waiting period that could put a problem in your plans.
Good Luck. Just remember the only people that have to be there is you and your future husband.

My sister went to brown county and got married just her husband and kids. They came home and had a beautiful reception where friends and family could celebrate with them. If you want to do it in the spring then just do it! You could always go like my sister did, and your family can celebrate still. good luck!! C.

It's your day and the only two people you need to worry about is you and your fiance. I was always so glad I stood up to family and did our wedding our way. You could always do the small intimate wedding of your dreams and have a larger party/reception a little later or on your one year anniversary. Offer to let those who "wanted it their way" to pay for the reception. Ok, maybe not, but it would get the point across to them. : )

Your wedding is your day and people often forget that. If you want to go away, make your plans, send your invitations, and go. You can always have a reception back home at a later date to celebrate with everyone who did not go. My husbad and I got married in Gatlinburg, Tn. There are many beautiful chapels, and a lot of cabins and tourist activities in the area.

Weddings bring out the best and worst in people. I would urge you to do what feels right for you and your fiance while, at the same time, keeping in mind that the feelings you hurt now could affect the rest of your life--tough balance, I know.

I would either elope--just the two of you--or get married locally and invite everyone. Or have a destination wedding and invite only your immediate families.

Shortly after my husband asked his twin brother to be his best man, the twin went off and "eloped," as they called it. I call it a small wedding in which only a select few were invited. They included her uncle, cousin, and a friend as well as his mother. His father and brothers were excluded (and yes, they were on good terms). This caused a huge rift in the family that is still present today six years later. My husband and his father were crushed that some were included while they were not. The drama ensuing from this one choice has snowballed over the years and has gotten really ugly and unfortunate.

Just think it through, think of the consequences of each choice, and go with what feels right and good in your gut. Good luck with your decision!

Have the wedding the way YOU want it and have a wedding party, complete with looping videos of your wedding and honeymoon pictures when you get back. Let people coming know that gifts aren't required, so that will take another issue for sniping off the table. You will never please everybody and the wedding should be all about you, your fiancee and your children. BTW,I think including the children in the wedding vows is always nice.

My husband & I too went away to get married...but some of our family joined. My best advice is for you & your fiance to pick out where you want to get married & then get all the details to pass along to whomever you think would want to come. But the destination should be up to you! If you at least give the information that would be required for guests to attend then they can't say you didn't invite them. So it will be their choice to attend or not. But they shouldn't be the ones deciding where you will get married!! Good Luck!

I was in about the same situation and didn't go get married like I wanted (Due to 9-11) and here is my advice. I invited everyone who complained about wanting to be there, offered to get the count so we could get a group rate and if they still complained then clearly they were worried about themselves not us. I never got answers to who was not coming but the 30 family members complaining are not even in our lives anymore (5 years later) because they around when we fit into their lives. Quite frankly, it is your day not theirs.

Good Luck!

It is your wedding... Do what you want. I had a small simple wedding. Immediate family and two friends. Then we had a party for everyone else later on. It seemed that was the best. No one had to get dressed up and they had a lot of fun. Enjoy your day.... Hopefully you only do it once. Good luck:)

I highly recommend that you and your fiance sit down and have a heart to heart talk about what YOU BOTH WANT. This is your day and you both are the only people who have a say in what you do. Your family and friends are not the ones who have to do all the planning, preparing, and especially, paying for a wedding. If you want to go away to get married, find your ideal place and book it. If you have to fly to Hawaii or somewhere in the Caribbean, so be it. YOU decide who to invite and YOU can extend the invitation to whomever YOU wish. If you want to keep it real small and have a small reception at home once you get back, that is YOUR choice. If any of your friends or family complain, be firm. After all, this is YOUR DAY!!! If they say you are being selfish, tell them, That's right, after all, it is my day! Anyone who would give you grief over this is being selfish. One way to handle such people is to make sure lots of pictures are taken and available for any gathering that you might have or attend once you return. DO IT YOUR WAY. IT IS YOUR WEDDING! (I'm sorry this is so strong, but I can't stand people trying to get others to plan around them, like it is owed to them)

Hi M.,
Oh I know how you feel. My husband and I heard the same things when we were planning our wedding. We tried to please everyone and lost sight of the fact that our wedding was supposed to be for US. We wanted to go away as well but ended up getting married locally. It was wonderful but in retrospect, things would have been much cheaper, easier & a heck of a lot less stressful had we stuck to our original plan. What I'm trying to say is do what's best for the two of you. Those who love you & support your marriage will accommodate your wishes. Congratulations & best of luck!

M. - Your wedding day is for you and your fiance! Do what you guys want!!! If you want to go away; then go away. Depending on how far away you go; you can always open the invitation up and if people chose to go there and watch you get married, then they do. If they chose not to, then that is a choice that they have to live with. Either that or don't invite everyone; get married and have a "reception" party to celebrate when you come home. Just remember, this is YOURS and YOUR FIANCE'S day ... no one elses! Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful wedding (wherever it may be!). =)

It's YOUR wedding. Do what YOU and your fiance want. No one should ever dictate to you, how to do your own wedding. It sounds like you'd be better off eloping, then having a reception at a later time. If someone doesn't understand that, then that's their problem. Not yours. Don't let someone bully you into doing what they want. This day isn't about them and their feelings.