J.S.
Hi J.,
I have an older boy (originally diagnosed on the spectrum, now nearly completely recovered) and a girl younger by nearly 5 years. I can imagine the fear and uncertainty your husband feels with bringing another child if he feels he is play russian roulette. He will naturally feel he is the provider and look at things as not wanting to make it worse. You will long for another child. This is tough stuff - no doubt about it.
I have to ask you, how much treatment (biomedical, DAN! protocol, alternative medicine) have you done with your 8 year old? The reason I ask is once you realize what treatments work and why they work to recover so many autistic children, you realize what you can do to prevent that scenario from playing out with another child. It would give him the understanding and reassurance as to reduce your chances for another developmental disorder.
As a double dose, if you are able to make progress with your son, understand the factors that could play a big role in his condition, you may be able to also eliviate the fear which takes the desire for another child away. Perhaps it could land you in a situation with a much improved or recovered first son and another child - with a happy husband. If not, you have improved the life of your first son and make the decision from there.
Thinking of you, J.