I think I do plenty but 2 moms think because I say no to things I can't do, I am lazy. I want to make sure I do enough at the new school and I would like to not make this impression wihle still saying no to things I can't or won't do.
I chaperone all field trips and help at all the big events unless it is impossible for me to. I help teachers with anything they ask me to.
I attend all parties and bring food and crafts. I get the kids and we clean up before anyone leaves.
I send in snacks and supplies anytime the teacher asks.
If they ask for donations to cover someone else's child, I pay for 1 other child besides mine.
If a new child comes, I make sure to email the moms I know when it is a time kids bring presents(Christmas, Valentines, End of Year). No one was left out and 4 kids came between New Years and Valentines Day.
I am a mamber of the PTA and attend the public meetings. I do not and will not attend the private ones that turn into gripe fests with women storming out, then running to the principal to tell on others.
Unless you're Oskar Schindler, you're doing plenty!
ETA* The son of the ringleader of the PTO Snobby Moms is a giant BRAT and guess what? Now that the kids are older, they all see for themselves what a brat he is and no O. wants him around! Ah.....karma. It's a wonderful thing!
Of course you do enough!
Look, if your daughter is invited to all the sleepovers, birthday parties, and all that stuff because her mother is hobnobbing with certain people I can absolutely promise you that that group of people are not the kids you want your daughter to be "accepted" by. Being part of the "in crowd" is not all it's cracked up to be. There is a lot of cattieness and girls who feel the need to be better than you. If you have a sweet daughter she will find her own sweet friends, she doesn't need you busting your butt trying to play games to win her an invite to the next birthday party.
Yes you do more than enough! I don't think you should do any more unless you have the time and desire. If you need to cut back I think you should. Anyway, don't play their silly competitive game. Who knows why they do it, that's a whole other discussion that won't lead to an anser anyway. Also, don't worry about the times they don't need you, it sounds like you find things to do to help and it's great you are looking out for those times. Some of us don't have an eye for that and wait to be told what is needed.
I do have a few suggestions as far as communicating with people. You can also use something a voice teacher taught us. It was meant to spare someone hurt feelings after a performance that you personally didn't like for whatever reason.....You would say something like, "What an interesting interpretation of the song".
In our lives you could say, "That is an interesting opinion", or just, "hmmm, interesting I'll have to think about it" Then actually forget about it but you've acknowledged the other person even if what they are saying doesn't help you. Or "No worries" (I use that one a lot).
Another one is telling them what you can do. So in the example above. "To help with the festival I can watch mom1s kids and mom2s kids so you have two people to work the entire festival". If anyone questions your "visibility" as far as volunteering just tell them you are comfortable in supporting roles and are very happy. Thank them for being on the "front lines" and let them know you are willing to help (I know you've done this)
About the pictures, I think they should have explained if they couldn't use them as to why. I know at our school, space is a premium so they try to get photos that have a group of kids instead of one or two. They also have a set template from the publisher and only have complete control over two pages (Halloween). So unfortunately Creativity is squelched for efficiency, cost effectiveness and timeliness.
It really sounds like there are a few things going on here, there are some inconsiderate people and lack of communication. I think what helps if you are VERY specific about what you offer (it sounds like you already are though). Also, just because other people aren't appreciative doesn't mean we shouldn't be. If you see someone working hard, Thank them or acknowledge they are doing a lot of work. It is hard, but root for those who may not be your friends or may not have supported you.
I learned that over the past year or so people can have more going on than we know, or just unrealistic expectations of themselves. They get themselves all up in a dither. Try to be the calming voice. To do that you can't get caught up in the game, just do what you're doing, you are doing great, don't let all the political/emotional stuff affect you, let it drop at an imaginary force field around you. All the Best!
Wow-I guess I live in a sheltered little world...I have NEVER heard of this kind of BS going on at a school like moms report here on this board! I can't tell you how much I would LOVE having someone like you on my team. Furthermore we would never treat someone like they seem to treat you. And I cannot believe they would not take help on the yearbook! Are you KIDDNG me? We practically had to BEG for pictures of kids. At the end we went around and took more so there would be enough. And your frenemy sounds pychotic! Who says that to someone???
What did this woman mean, that your daughter would be "more accepted" if you did more?
Accepted by whom?
Do the kids ignore kids whose parents aren't active in PTA? Come on, that seems hard to believe! How on Earth could your daughter's being "accepted" be in any way influenced by what you do or don't do with PTA, unless teachers somehow exclude or are harder on kids whose parents aren't in PTA? I find that impossible to believe, or the teachers would lose their jobs, and most teachers just don't have time to be involved in PTA petty politics.
The comment about your daughter's being "accepted" based on what YOU do as a volunteer is frankly quite weird and disturbing, to me. It probably is based solely on what happens in this one woman's mind so don't let it get to you. It says more about her than about you, your child or even the PTA.
You seem to somewhat confuse your classroom help and room parent work with PTA duties. They're totally separate. If you prefer the classroom and room parent work, do that and don't do PTA activities. (As for being turned down to do copying etc. -- unless your child is in kindergarten, you really are not needed to do those tasks. As your child gets older teachers need, and want, less parent help with those kinds of things.)
Don't let PTA make you angry. Let it make you sad, because it's a pity. They may actually be decent folks who care about the school, but who are trapped in a mind-set of "We've always done it THIS way and it works just fine," so they don't know any other way to do things, and don't want to include new people out of fear those new people will do things differently.
Find your own niche and run with it. Room parent is one of those jobs, though don't expect to do it every year. Another is one that parents often forget: The school librarian may need volunteers each week to shelve books and check out books as classes come in; that's not PTA or classroom but gets you into the school and is genuinely helpful. Or go outside school with your energies -- Girl Scouts or church kids' group or helping with other activities your child has (martial arts school, dance school, etc.) -- all those organizations need fundraising help, publicity help, paperwork help. You can use your considerable energy and talents wherever YOU choose.
Will you please transfer your kids to my school district? We could (all) use a M. like you!
:)
Yes you do PA-LENTY! I don't know what is meant by your 'daughter being more accepted if you learned to play the game'. A parent cannot 'buy' their child's popularity by being over-involved (and yes there is such a thing). I hope you can just ignore that weird comment.
You do plenty, but it almost sounds like you do too much and are feeling under-appreciated for what you are doing.
FYI- copying/classroom assistance IS allocated as someone's job. So... if YOU do it as a volunteer, then that person may no longer have a job. This is not a PTA-related role. This is a union-directed Teacher's Assistant position that carries with it a paycheck, benefits and responsibilities. Don't take that one personally.
As for the rest of your posting there are parts of it that sound like "I'll help where/when I want to, but not under the direction of the big-bad PTA"- force you to volunteer at the festival? If that's where they need help b/c it's their big fundraiser, then that's where they need help! The PTA isn't all that bad, in fact in most schools they do a lot of work and help fund activities that wouldn't otherwise happen.
Do what you like, but don't get upset when you are not invited to participate in PTA-related activities after repeatedly saying "no thanks".
Sounds like you do plenty to me and that the school is lucky to have you, many schools don't get this type of help. If I took the time to take all of those photos and none were submitted I think I would have to ask why w/out being confrontational. I wonder what the criteria is for getting invited to other PTA meetings...sounds like middle school all over.
Also, I don't think your frenemy gave you good advice at all, doing everything someone else asks of you is called being a pushover, you do your best and help when you can without sacrificing what's #1...you and your family.
