Volume, Playing with Others, and Staying with Mom Issues

Hello C.. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. My 3 yo daughter is also a bolter that cant sit still. She will not sit in a stroller but maybe 2 minutes. A shopping cart...forget it. She screams at the top of her lungs if I even try to put her in one. I let her push the cart with me instead, or the stroller, whichever it may be. That doesnt always work though. I also let her walk away a bit. I tell her she needs to stay where I can see her and she can see me. She walks a little ahead of me and feels like she's leading the way (even though I tell her when to turn or stop)

I dont really have any advice on the other two issues you are having, but I wanted you to know you are not alone, you are not a terrible parent that cant control your child. He is at a stage of finding his independance and pushing limits to see what he can get away with.

Dont worry about what other parents think. Sometimes others are looking at your situation thinking "I remember when that happened to me" When my daughter is throwing a fit in the store (like when I try to put her in a cart cuz Im in a hurry) and people start to stare, I just smile at them and keep on with my shopping. You probably dont notice other parents going thru this cuz you are focused on your son and getting him to listen to you. When your son is on really good behavior is when you'll notice other parents trying to find their kid in the clothing racks. At least thats how Ive found it to happen :)

Good luck and remember you're not alone! Dont be so hard on yourself.

You are NOT the only person going through this and you're not being "constantly judged by other moms and dads." (They/we are actually looking at you and thinking 'thank goodness my kids are out of that stage!')

Have reasonable expectations for yourself and your son. He's TWO! They don't play well with others. Some are noisy. Some are quiet. Some whine and cling to mom. Others act more like bullies and take toys from other kids. Mine started becoming a rather obnoxious bully-type, and I was tempted to hide at home but I started enrolling him in structured activities. When we were in Olympia, there was a great class called Parenting Toddlers offered through the community college. It was a big educational (for the parents) play date (for the kids) a few times a week. We both loved it. When we moved to Arlington, I couldn't find that kind of a program but I did find a preschool (Marysville Coop Preschool) that focused the kids on having fun and learning to socialize. My son learned how to make friends, take turns, etc. His vocabulary has improved SO much I am amazed every time I hear him come up with a new (big) word.

My almost-four-year-old sounds a lot like your son. I would tell him "indoor voice" or "no shouting." (Never "whisper" unless we were in a library or movie theater!) I would pretend that I couldn't hear him unless he was using a reasonable volume AND was not whining. To draw his attention to the issue I would gaze off (NOT look directly at my son) and say something like "I can hear SOMETHING, but I can't understand the words because they are too loud, too whiney, etc.") It takes time, patience and a whole lot of consistency but it does pay off. Interaction with other children also helped my son. He wasn't too impressed by my complaints, but peer pressure can be a very effective technique. My son thought my complaints about his nose picking and tendency to strip naked at every opportunity were hysterically funny, but when OTHER children made note of the behavior he quickly stopped.

My son was also a bolter. After an especially frightening incident that involved a parking lot, I bought him a kid's harness. I showed it to him and explained that he had to walk very nicely next to Mama because I got scared when he ran away, but if he did not walk nicely with me then he would have to wear the special safety harness. We only used that harness ONE time. He absolutely hated it. After that first time, all I would have to do was to remind him that the harness was in Mama's bag and he would have to wear it if he didn't listen to me. (He would say "I not puppy, Mama!" and would stay close by.

Hang in there. Before you know it, YOU'LL be the parent watching another mom and thinking 'Thank GOODNESS my kid has grown out of THAT stage!"

Hi :) My advice for the running off...I haven't ever used one but they sell a harness/backpack type thing that attaches him to something (cart, stroller, etc). My son ran off in a parking lot about a month ago (chasing a bird LOL) and I about had a heart attack. If you feel his life is in danger, I would recommend the harness.

Basically, kids go through stages where they want their independence. It is obnoxious, I know...but we've all done it! You really need to be consistant with him. I know he's still little, but supernanny suggests a time out spot. Even if you are at a park playing, or a store, etc. Find a quiet spot that he can be by himself for a couple minutes. Tell him "If you run off, you will have to take a time out. I know you don't want that to happen, so please be mommy's big boy, ok?"
Another thing supernanny says is get the kids involved. If you are going shopping...let him hold the list, or ask him if he can put some apples in a bag for you, etc. It makes them feel important :) It is amazing stuff! Communication is key.

May daughter went through a phase where she would make a grunting noise to other kids. I don't really know what that was all about, but my kids aren't around many other kids either. Not daycare, etc. She grew out of it and now she will talk to anyone (even if they aren't interested in her!!) I think she was just trying to come out of her shell, but didn't know how.

My kids are loud too. I don't think many kids are quiet? Are they? LOL. I haven't been around any quiet kids! Hmmm...this one is tough...bribery works good. If you are out and he is being too loud tell him he has to use his inside voice, and if he does you will give him a (ex. sticker, etc) Pick something he really likes. My kids like the sticker charts....not always but sometimes. :)

You are not a bad mom...he is going through terrible 2s!! Keep your head up :)

K.

Hey C.
My husband thinks our 2 year old son needs professional help!! You're not alone and yes, I think parents hide their 2 year olds in the house because it was my kid freaking out in every public place during our move out here and now we can only get take-out because it is just too painful for everyone if we try to eat out.

I think once your son is around other kids they start to act a little better (I hope :P). Our almost 4 year old daughter doesn't have our sons extreme personality and will stay with me now that she understands better why she has to. I also bought a leash for our daughter when she was two and she dropped to the floor and started barking like a dog. What is more embarrassing? It comes with age I think.
Also I would lay off of the bribes, they will act like jerks just to get a rise out of you and then turn on the charm when you give into the treats. They'll expect it with every trip instead of learning the appropriate behavior that is expected (dr. phil) Good luck! And just keep a sense of humor, I'll need it when the 5 month old turns 2! Jen

I sympathize with you. It's TOUGH! About the volume, check his hearing. Talking loud is often a sign of hearing problems.

Let's face it. 2-year olds like to explore! My son was so active that I put him on a harness and a leash when I was at the store. My daughter I had to put on a leash after she was almost run over in parking lots twice. Even though some people disapprove, it's better than losing your child in the store or for them to get run over! When my son took off once in the stroller up the escalator (I had only turned my back for a minute and lost him) and two teenagers brought him back downstairs figuring correctly that Mom would NEVER find him on the next floor - that was the last straw for me. For my daughters, it was running out the van in parking lots into oncoming traffic.

About the active thing - make sure you keep color, chocolate, caffeine and sugar in the diet at a minimum. No soft drinks. No sweets. These tend to really send a child into the frenzies. It does mine.

Also, the minute my kids start to scream or get noisy, I book it out of the store. I've left carts half full. I warn them - if you don't behave, I'll leave.

Give him incentives for behaving. "If you behave, I'll buy you an ice creme at Dairy Queen - but you have to be good until Mommy's finished or no ice creme". I find reward incentives work very well.

"If you behave, and talk in a low voice for the time we're here in the store, I'll take you to the park afterwards - or reward that HE loves - maybe riding bikes to the park - everybody's different". I find this very effective.