Visiting Dad After Not Seeing in 3 Years

Seems that the grandfather (paternal I'm assuming) is very involved - does your daughter have a good relationship with him? If so, beg this man to intervene. Perhaps he can take her to see her dad? (can you afford to offer to split the cost with him?) If grandpa is willing to do this, before that visit you should allow your daughter to spend more extended time with grandpa - full days from morning to bedtime to get her used to being with him so the trip to see dad is OK. Also prepare her with photos, videos of her dad if you have any - maybe granpa does?

Realize that the possibility does exist that your ex may find that he really does love his daughter and this could be the beginning of a great relationship she can have with her dad. Many men don't feel a connection to babies / toddlers - but once their children become "people" and can communicate they feel very differently. If she looks a lot like her dad he may really warm up to her and her to him.

Is there no time that your ex will be back east to visit his father between now and next summer? If he will, get your daughter over there when he's in town. What about flying out for a long weekend to have your daughter meet him ahead of time? I agree that much of this may require you spending time and money on a situation that you shouldn't have to deal with - but wouldn't you do anything for your much loved and precious daughter? Of course, you would. Consider a flight for the two of you to the midwest inadvance of the summer 2 week trip to be an investment in your daughter.

If nothing else can work out then I would take a leave of absence from work and drive my child out there and stay in town if neccessary. Can it really be that you won't have ANY vacation by the Summer to do this? I'd go into debt - get my child a cell phone and be no more than 10-15 minutes away from her. This child has only been on the planet for 5 years and she's expected to go spend 2 weeks with a biologically connected stranger?

Finally - maybe you want to consider whether or not the child support is worth the aggravation? I do believe that children do better with an involved father who loves them - but if this isn't the situation here - then maybe you're best off doing without the child support.

But here's a thing to consider - my dad left our family when my brother was young - he didn't have much memory of him - but when my dad sent a package one year at Christmas with small present for each of us my little brother, who was about 6-7 at the time, said "wow he really does love us...." and he had just opened a .99 package of green army men. It could be that your daughter has quiet curiosity about her father - and it may help her feel more loved if she could connect with him.

Good Luck mama - I can't imagine having to be in your position and having to deal with this - my kids are 11 & 14 and so far I've never spent more than two night away from them... Pray about this and seek God's vision for your child and this situation.

my neice went through the same thing with my brother and his ex wife, i hated how my brother let his ex wife treat my neice (although he's home now on the weekends) she still would perfer to come see me and my husband instead of being with her dad (which she's used to doing). She's gone to fl to see him, tx and hated every visit-which was the ENTIRE summer break, not just 2 weeks (xept for july 4th). part of the reason she hated it, was my brother automatically MADE my neice refer to his new woman as mother and allowed her to punish my neice as "their child" instead of him doing it himself. My neice still doesnt' like to visit even just every other weekend and even though she now has a sister through her dad and the other woman she only gets to see sis when dad takes her to tx to see her because new mom wont allow baby out of her site who's now 3.

in short, your child may hate it, but give it some time, she'll soon be old enough to testify for herself in saying she doesnt' want to see him or she does (do you research, i know oklahoma law lets the child choose at age 12 as long as courts agree it's in their best interest).

gads, what a miserable situation. first of all, try to make sure your fears don't filter through to her. it will be a difficult enough adjustment without the anticipation of difficulty.
first off, by being super-agreeable and easy to work with, is it possible to get him to agree to a shorter initial visit? a week or 5 days? she's so young.
either way, starting to talk about now (in positive terms!) will help. make a plan for what she should do if she gets homesick (call you, take pictures, take a woobie, any rituals the two of you do together that she can imagine you there).
that's all i can think of. dang.
good luck!
khairete
S.

Can you ask her grandfather to go with her to help her adjust? This sounds like a really hard situation, but I'm not sure there is much that can be done. If she knows her grandfather well, that might be the best situation.

I love the idea of maybe the grandfather going as well.
It's November and this doesn't start til summer so there IS time for shorter "get-to-know-you" visits between then & now, right?